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The title has changed back, the key has changed, the verses have changed, the chorus tightened up, and this is what I have now.

No demo yet.

Leaning on a Memory
© 2011 by Michael B. Short

Even God has forgotten me
Stuck here on my own
Out of chances
Out of prayers
And nowhere left to go
One last cigarette
Empty bottle for a friend
Love song playing
On the jukebox
In a bar called The Bitter End

Chorus
Leaning
On a memory
That's all that holds me up
Or I'd be on my knees
When you left
It's all you left behind
I'm leaning on a memory

In the end you slipped away
And didn't even turn around
Sprouted wings
And took to flight
And left me on the ground
Up all night since you're gone
To think of something I could do
Maybe build
A time machine
To take me back to you

Chorus

Bridge
In my hand
Is a photograph
Two people
Look at them laugh
One of them is you
But who's
The one that looks like me

So I found myself a padded stool
In a place where I can hardly see
A bottle
And some cigarettes
And a jukebox mocking me

Chorus

Hi Mike,
Do you have just a basic worktape of this yet, that we could hear the melody?

Here's a link to the demo.
http://www.2lateonline.com/music/Leanin ... Memory.mp3

Hi Mike

Just wanted to say that I really like this.

The demo's pretty good too.

Thanks. And thanks for listening. I think this song is finally done, whatever that means.

I really love these lyrics.

Hi Mike,

First, I really like the melody and the lyrics and think the song has good potential. The first verse and the chorus paint a great picture of where you are and how you're feeling, though I might change the last line of the first verse about the Bitter End since that's a very famous live music venue in NYC. I understand that the venue name is very much in line with the picture you're painting, but I also think it draws attention away from your character and instead draws attention in the song to this very well known place.

The second verse I think has a time issue which somewhat confuse the picture, in that the first five lines to me connote someone looking back and telling a story after a substantial amount of time has passed - the phrase "In the end" to me especially connotes a passage of a decent amount of time since she left , but the next five lines clearly paint a picture of her having left within the last 24 hours. I might just change "in the end" to "yesterday" which to me tightens up the whole verse and really brings the picture of the time and immediacy of what just happened into focus. I don't love the "maybe build a time machine" lyric (that's just me) since it sounds little geeky to me - I might change that to "wish I had a time machine" since wishing seems more in line with where your character is at.

The bridge is really good.

The last verse is good except that I'd switch the cigarettes and the bottle lines with their first verse counterparts. I think the song should end with the character having an empty bottle and one last cigarette - just think it makes more sense time-wise to start the song with a full bottle and a pack of cigarettes and end with an empty bottle and one last cigarette. The jukebox mocking me line is great - really love it.

Anyway, it's a very good and very evocative, and the recording sounds good too. What do you record with and what kind of guitar do you play?

Thanks for sharing this.

- Peter Hack