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Wanted some opinions of these, mainly should I add a 3rd verse or does it sound ok as it is.

LONG AGO IN MY TEENAGE YEARS
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL WAS TRULY MY THING
THEN ONE DAY MY EARS WERE WOKEN
A NEW SOUND WAS MAKING ME SING
CAUSE I HEARD THAT COUNTRY MUSIC
AND I FOUND SOMETHING HARD TO BEAT
OH YEAH THAT HONKY TONK RHYTHM
WAS HERE TO GET ME ON MY FEET

(CHORUS)

AND NOW I LOVE
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
AND THAT OL’ STEEL GUITAR
THEY BRING MUSIC TO MY EARS
OH YEH I LOVE
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
AND THAT OL’ PEDAL STEEL
SOMETIMES THEY’VE BROUGHT ME TO TEARS

IT WAS WAITING IN THE DISTANCE
FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO MAKE IT’S CLAIM
AND NOW THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S CERTAIN
NOT MUCH ELSE MAKES ME FEEL THE SAME
IT CAME CREEPING UP FROM BEHIND
WITH A RHYTHM THAT IS SO STRONG
NOW I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT I IGNORED IT FOR SO LONG

(CHORUS)

(SOLO)

I’M WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE THING
CERTAINLY GOT HUGE APPEAL
WHETHER I’M HOME OR ELSEWHERE
NOTHING ELSE GIVES ME THAT FEEL

(CHORUS X 2)

YEH!
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

(REPEAT TILL FADE)

Some thoughts below...

I don't think it needs a third verse.

PENKSLYRICS wrote:Wanted some opinions of these, mainly should I add a 3rd verse or does it sound ok as it is.

LONG AGO IN MY TEENAGE YEARS
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL WAS TRULY MY THING
THEN ONE DAY MY EARS WERE WOKEN <== might sound strange when sung; I wonder if Awoken would work better
A NEW SOUND WAS MAKING ME SING
CAUSE I HEARD THAT COUNTRY MUSIC
AND I FOUND SOMETHING HARD TO BEAT
OH YEAH THAT HONKY TONK RHYTHM <== Editorial: honky-tonk
WAS HERE TO GET ME ON MY FEET

(CHORUS)

AND NOW I LOVE
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
AND THAT OL’ STEEL GUITAR <== Not sure, but I wonder if the ong should be about one instrument, given the title
THEY BRING MUSIC TO MY EARS
OH YEH I LOVE
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
AND THAT OL’ PEDAL STEEL
SOMETIMES THEY’VE BROUGHT ME TO TEARS

IT WAS WAITING IN THE DISTANCE
FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO MAKE IT’S CLAIM <== Editorial: its (without the apostrophe)
AND NOW THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S CERTAIN
NOT MUCH ELSE MAKES ME FEEL THE SAME
IT CAME CREEPING UP FROM BEHIND
WITH A RHYTHM THAT IS SO STRONG
NOW I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT I IGNORED IT FOR SO LONG

(CHORUS)

(SOLO)

I’M WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE THING
CERTAINLY GOT HUGE APPEAL
WHETHER I’M HOME OR ELSEWHERE
NOTHING ELSE GIVES ME THAT FEEL

(CHORUS X 2)

YEH!
THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

(REPEAT TILL FADE)

The singer talks a lot about how the music makes him (?) feel, but never really describes the sound that leads to the feelings, beyond the ability to get the singer to his feet. I find songs that show, rather than tell, to be more compelling, and I think they connect with the audience better. You get more of the "yeah, I know what you mean." This songs seems to be more about how you like country music, rather than why.

Just one guy's opinion.

And all caps are hard to read ... (what a whiner!)

Hi Mike

Cheers for talking the time to look, appreciate your input.

However I am a lost when you say describe why you like it. How can anyone describe why they like a certain type of music or most other interests for that matter. As far as I'm concerned it's impossible to put into words, apart from something about it appeals to you individually.
Not meant to sound negative, it's merely just my thoughts on it.

However I have had a little play around with it.
Have added a third verse, because when I changed the chorus I used some of the lines elsewhere but then had a thought spurt so it developed a bit.
Also mentioned the artist that first made me take notice of Country music in general and hence the title as a lot of reviews rate him as the best at this instrument and yes it is true, him and that album were responsible. Also made a point of highlighting the dobro above the other instruments as your comment on that made sense plus used awoken too.
Think it has a little more colour now and somehow explains my feelings a bit better.

Your thoughts would again be welcome
Cheers
Roger

SOUND OF THE DOBRO



LONG LONG AGO IN MY TEENAGE YEARS
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL WAS TRULY MY THING
THEN ONE DAY MY EARS WERE AWOKEN
A NEW SOUND WAS MAKING ME SING
I HEARD SOMETHING CALLED COUNTRY MUSIC
THE SOUND IT MADE WAS HARD TO BEAT
NOW IT’S JIVIN’ HONKY-TONK RHYTHM
IS SURE TO GET ME ON MY FEET

YEH!

(CHORUS)

IT’S GOT THAT OL’ PEDAL STEEL
AND THEN SOME TWELVE STRING GUITAR
BUT IT’S THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
THAT FOR ME HELD SUCH APPEAL
AND BROUGHT MUSIC TO MY EARS
OH YEH THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
IT’S GOT SO MUCH DEPTH AND FEEL
THAT IT ALONE CAN DRIVE HOME
OH YEH THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

JERRY DOUGLAS’S CHANGING CHANNELS
WAS THE FIRST TO STRIKE A CHORD
FROM THAT FIRST SPIN ON MY TURNTABLE
I TELL YOU I WAS TRULY FLOORED
IT GOT ME WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE THING
NOT MUCH ELSE MAKES ME FEEL THE SAME
IT SPENT YEARS LURKING IN THE DISTANCE
READY TO POUNCE AND STAKE ITS CLAIM

NOW!

(CHORUS)

(SOLO)

IT HAS JUST ONE OF THE SWEETEST SOUNDS
THAT’S REALLY HARD TO FIND ELSEWHERE
WHEN I HEARD WHAT IT HAD TO OFFER
IT TRULY CAUGHT ME IN ITS SNARE
NOW I FIND IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE
HOW I IGNORED IT FOR SO LONG
CAUSE IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S FOR CERTAIN
IT HAS A RHYTHM THAT’S SO STRONG

(CHORUS X 2)

YEH! YEH! THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

(REPEAT TILL FADE)

However I am a lost when you say describe why you like it. How can anyone describe why they like a certain type of music or most other interests for that matter. As far as I'm concerned it's impossible to put into words, apart from something about it appeals to you individually.
Not meant to sound negative, it's merely just my thoughts on it.

Check out Down At the Twist and Shout by Mary Chapin Carpenter for an example of what I mean. Specifically, look at the chorus. Another tune that comes to mind is Sweet is the Melody by Iris Dement.

You've got some of that in your song, but I think you've got room for more.

Another general comment (this came up at our Songwriter's Workshop last night): you've got quite a few "noise" words ... words that take up space but don't add anything: truly, really, so. Because your listener (me!) is expecting you to tell the truth, surely/truly/really don't add anything. A little bit of extent, but no color. They take up space and don't advance your lyric. For example, in the third verse:

... SO HARD TO BELIEVE

could be

difficult to believe
a struggle to believe
a challenge to believe
impossible to believe

or I FIND IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE

could be

I struggle to believe
I wrestle with believing

Something to think about. I hope this helps.

mikeShort wrote:

However I am a lost when you say describe why you like it. How can anyone describe why they like a certain type of music or most other interests for that matter. As far as I'm concerned it's impossible to put into words, apart from something about it appeals to you individually.
Not meant to sound negative, it's merely just my thoughts on it.

Check out Down At the Twist and Shout by Mary Chapin Carpenter for an example of what I mean. Specifically, look at the chorus. Another tune that comes to mind is Sweet is the Melody by Iris Dement.

You've got some of that in your song, but I think you've got room for more.

Another general comment (this came up at our Songwriter's Workshop last night): you've got quite a few "noise" words ... words that take up space but don't add anything: truly, really, so. Because your listener (me!) is expecting you to tell the truth, surely/truly/really don't add anything. A little bit of extent, but no color. They take up space and don't advance your lyric. For example, in the third verse:

... SO HARD TO BELIEVE

could be

difficult to believe
a struggle to believe
a challenge to believe
impossible to believe

or I FIND IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE

could be

I struggle to believe
I wrestle with believing

Something to think about. I hope this helps.

Thanks for that, Mike. Yes it did help and I've done another rewrite utilising some of your suggestions, please check it out.

SOUND OF THE DOBRO



LONG LONG AGO IN MY TEENAGE YEARS
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL WAS TRULY MY THING
THEN ONE DAY MY EARS WERE AWOKEN
A NEW SOUND WAS MAKING ME SING
I HEARD SOMETHING CALLED COUNTRY MUSIC
THE SOUNDS I HEARD WERE HARD TO BEAT
NOW IT’S JIVIN’ HONKY TONK RHYTHM
IS HERE TO GET ME ON MY FEET

(CHORUS)

SOMETIMES THERE’S THAT OL’ PEDAL STEEL
MAYBE A BANJO OR FIDDLE
BUT IT’S THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
THAT FOR ME HOLDS SUCH HUGH APPEAL
TO ME IT’S A BEAUTIFUL NOISE
OH YEH THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO
DELIVERING A DEPTH AND FEEL
THAT IT ALONE CAN DRIVE ON HOME
OH YEH THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

JERRY DOUGLAS’S CHANGING CHANNELS
WAS THE FIRST SONG TO STRIKE A CHORD
FROM THAT FIRST SPIN ON MY TURNTABLE
LET ME TELL YOU I WAS FLOORED
IT GOT ME WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE THING
NOT MUCH ELSE MAKES ME FEEL THE SAME
IT SPENT YEARS LURKING IN THE DISTANCE
READY TO POUNCE AND STAKE ITS CLAIM

NOW!

(CHORUS)

(SOLO)

IT JUST HAS ONE OF THE SWEETEST SOUNDS
THAT I HAVE NEVER HEARD ELSEWHERE
WHEN I HEARD WHAT IT HAD TO OFFER
IT CAUGHT ME TIGHT WITHIN ITS SNARE
THESE DAYS I OFTEN SIT AND WONDER
HOW I IGNORED IT FOR SO LONG
CAUSE IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S FOR CERTAIN
IT HAS A RHYTHM THAT’S SO STRONG

(CHORUS X 2)

YEH! YEH! THE SOUND OF THE DOBRO

(REPEAT TILL FADE)

Cheers
Roger