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nylyrics wrote:Simon:

Thank you for YOUR critique. I really appreciate it. Good points.
Let me give this one a shot. I always think i can be 100% wrong though when i hear music that goes with something and then it works
so - keep that in mind - I dont know your music which might make it all just perfect as is.

Anyway - for me - the main thing is it reads non-conversational - even if the conversation is with yourself in your head.
The title i get but it may sound too much like My HOME sweet Home and listeners might just miss the OWN thing.
Maybe its nothing like "the name of x small town" where "every knows my name" in example and (ie cheers angle) and show contrast of being a small home town type person with that in your blood vs big city where when you get down to it you feel out of place.


Hi Andy,
I get what you say about it not being conversational. I basically list different images. Funny thing for me though ... the lines I love and remember most from songs ... are the non-conversational ones. Who would ever say the following in a normal conversation?

(from Barely Breathing)

"I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
It must have been that yesterday, was the day that I was born".

Here are a couple lines that I might add as an intro ... that leads into my list-like verses. (Do you think they would help?)

( Intro)

1 For the first time in my life -- I'm far away from home
2 What does this city have for me? -- that's what I'd like to know



It's funny that you mention "My Home Sweet Home" . This song is my take on someone else's song titled "Home Sweet Home". In my posting I have an album label for this -- "Sweet Country Cream". No such album exists ... I just put songs I write under the closest applicable label.

I kind of think there is alot you can learn (we all can learn) on how to treat this one by listening to "the house that built me" That is how it's done descriptively, emotionally and conversationaly all at once. I would love to do it that way. Think that over and then take your next song closer to that emotional interaction within yourself and how you (the singer) feels about the situation.


I agree. One could learn a lot by studying that song. I would love to do it that well too. Unfortunately for me, in this instance, it's not something I can draw on from experience ... I'm not a 'country boy' after all. Nor did I grow up in a small town "where everybody knows my name".

Hope this helps. Lots of hard work here I know. Good luck!

Thanks, Andy. All feedback helps IMO.

Steve

Andy

nylyrics wrote:Hi Simon:

Curious....do you write lyrics with some kind of melody line in your head or do you
write words on the page with no melodic figure attached like poetry?
Andy

What's curious about it Andy? Do you think all lyricists start with a melody in their heads first?
For me, the words usually come first. Although, I have worked on a few songs recently where the music came first. (However, it wasn't my music.)
I don't write poetry myself, but yes, like in poetry ... there is no music at the start. As I edit the lyrics they do start to suggest certain melodic possibilities. (And I'm sure I'm subconsciously influenced at that point by various songs that might be circling around in my head. )

nylyrics wrote:Hi Simon:

Nothing was curious about it. I was curious about how you went about writing your lyrics - and you have explained. I do it all differant ways - whatever works.

Hi Andy. I'm sorry if I came on a little strong in my last reply. I read your 'curious' as 'strange' ... instead of the "I'm curious" I see now that you meant.


Thanks again for the helpful critique. Your time and insight - much appreciated. You seem very strong at critiqueing - a good skill.

Your welcome ... but It's no real biggie for me. (I love doing crits!) The part I usually get in trouble with is suggesting edits. I'm a bit OCD about those things. (Sometimes I just can't resist suggesting alternatives. ) Although, that might be my tennis teaching background at work there.

Did you get a chance to check out some of my other songs?

Steve

Andy