TAXI.com

When Rumor Has It, Rumor Keeps ItWhen I offended some biker at a Texas jukeI thought my face’d be wearin’ his steel-toe bootBut he’d chased 4 Chinese Cocktails with 5 Black RussiansAnd when my lucky punch caused his concussionRumors started about my bad-ass mojoThose drunken fools mem’ries were pretty foggyThey swore I fought like Jackie Chan and Mr. MiyagiThey heard my pet gator ate a neighbor’s shitzuAnd I’d mastered the arts of Kung-Fu and Ju-JitsuAt the Dalai Lama’s Dallas dojoNow when I walk in any rowdy barBikers buy me drinks n let me win at dartsCos when rumor has it, rumor keeps itAnd turns grains of truth into crazy secretsWhen folks believe what they think they knowIt’s a Gila monster that won’t let goYeah, when rumor has it, rumor keeps itI broke the class fish bowl back in 7th gradeAnd Mrs. Culligan made me stay there lateShe got a mop bucket and took me to a faucetBut when someone saw us in that janitor’s closetRumors flew about me n that teacherThough she had a nose bigger than Scooby n DinoI became a junior high BarbarinoI strutted the halls like a Clearasil CasanovaCos I’d kissed the lunch lady on her living room sofaAnd the head pom beneath the bleachersEven now Mrs. Culligan said the rumors haven’t diedAll the bitties tease her on bingo nightCos when rumor has it, rumor keeps itAnd turns grains of truth into crazy secretsWhen folks believe what they think they knowIt’s a hound dog with an old hamboneYeah, when rumor has it, rumor keeps itI just keep my sense of humor, cos those crazy rumorsCome in handy every now n thenBullies are still afraid and when I’m on a dateThe third base coach always waves me inCos when rumor has it, rumor keeps itWhen rumor has it, rumor keeps it©2007 Robert George