Redneck Credit Report

[couchgrouch]

Redneck Credit ReportIn this low-lit honky tonknear a Loo-zee-ana swampI asked barkeep Barney for nachos con-carneand a shot of Jackwhen I said, "put it on my tab"he said my credit was badit was risky to front me whiskeycos I never paid him backhe stood there in his gator boots and complainedthat ev'ryone around felt the same"the dentist gave your mom her teeth on loancos she picked the ones made from polecat boneand the smoke shop says you're a hunnerd in the holeso they give you moss n dirt instead of Skoalyeah, there ain't much you can affordtill you fix your redneck credit report"I said "things've been tough around hereI ain't wrestled gators for yearsmy friends in Tijuana ain't-a-gonnacut me in on their chinchilla farmI saw a suspicious blimpover my field of hemptwo hours later, I'd torched ev'ry acreincluding my barnmy Ford backfires flame but it's not the batmobileso c'mon pour me something to help how I feel"he said, "you still owe Jed for that cockfight yesterdayit'll be your head in the straw if you don't payyou still owe that Judge a fifty dollar finecough it up or mooning that Moonie'll cost you some timeyeah, there ain't much you can affordtill you fix your redneck credit report"well, Barney wouldn't budgebut I had one ace to playcos I usta get hungryin my gator daysI knew it was blackmailbut I said to Barney"if I poured cheese on your bootsthey'd taste like your nachos con-carne"looka here...he gave me a plate and a quartand forgot about my redneck credit report(c)2005 Robert George