Hickville Private Eye

[couchgrouch]

Hickville Private EyeI was a trooper 'long the Texas linewhen I cuffed a wealthy kid one timehis Jag was doin' ninety on a jug of wineand half a dozen beersbut his dad pulled some strings with my bosshe danced like a puppet and that kid got offnot only that but somehow I lostmy job of seven yearswell, I coulda been a crossing guardat Jim Bowie Junior Highbut instead I made a new startgot a license and turned private eyeyeah, when summer nights are sultrythere's lotsa money in adult'ryif you've got a long range lensethe mayor's mistress was topless on a jetskiher belly button fulla whiskeyon the beach at Lake Havasu againwell, maybe I'm just two-bit spybut I've seen it all as a Hickville private eyenow, in this sleepy little townit seems someone's always sleepin' aroundand a lonely dame laid a thousand downfor me to find the truthwell, I took my Florsheim's off the desksaid she'd get answers no questions askeddrank some bourbon from my pocket flaskcos the truth is in the proofI caught him in the sticky heatin some coed's Toyota Celicathey were sweating up the backseatmaking love to Metallicasneakin' down boulevards and backstreetstailing VIPs in midnight taxiswhose wives hope they're gentlemenit takes instincts and fast reflexesgot shot at by a few drunken exeswho lost divorce settlementsmen are lyin' if they say they don't lieyeah, I've heard it all as a Hickville private eyewell, I feel for my old bossGod knows it's gotta be hardafter the wife and job he losthe's an orange-vested crossing guardand ev'ry time he waves my Firebird on byhe gets the bird from a Hickville private eye(c)2005 Robert George