TAXI.com

Hi, folks:I have a country tune that I created as a Keith Urban pitch. The music and vibe have gotten strong praise in TAXI critiques, and the lyrics have improved a lot since the first version - but they still aren't there. I've had enough time away from the song to hear that the lyrics just don't make the grade, but I think it could be a great song.Check it out on my TAXI page (the link is part of my signature below) - it's called "See Me Anymore." It needs (1) a way to change and evolve the meaning of the chorus, which could mean changing the title, (2) the most evocative, real-life-picture lyrics possible.You can email me directly if you like: ck at ckbarlow dot com.Thanks, CK

Hey CK,I agree that it's a nice tune. Can you post the lyrics?Cam

CK,I agree with Cam. Song has a nice current sound. Maybe a tad too "pop" but thats the way this new country music is heading.I like the hook "you dont seem to see me anymore". Im afraid I didnt understand enough of the lyrics to really get a feel for them.Please post them.Cool song.M~

Here they are - thanks for your interest:You Don't Seem to See Me Anymore© 2007 by CK Barlow[Verse 1]Like the rising sun fills the morning skiesI was everything in your eyes,Oh, the way you'd look; the way I'd stare...Even in a crowd, it was just us there.Coupla years have passedNow when I catch your glance,My sun's gone cold and gray.[Ch]Look at me nowI'm right here babyI'm fading outIt's plain as day, yeahYou're saying everything looks fineI'm praying maybe love is blind'cause you don't seem to see me anymore.[Verse 2]A worn down door, a torn porch screenand just a few short steps lie betweenyou and mebut if I reach to touch youwould it be too muchand would you walk away?how can I make you stayand talk like we're brand new?[Ch][Bridge]I know every stain and grain of wood on this kitchen table,'cause that's all I'm able to look at when you're in the roomI'm hiding behind the TV guide and the Sunday paper,and maybe it's me who's made myself too hard to find...and something's gotta change soon.[Ch to fade]

hi, CK, i love the imagery here! i can't access your Taxi page to listen to this, which is a bummer (and it's my fault...computer issues), but based on the lyrics and what you said needs to change, have you thought about setting it up where the first verse is more of a light-hearted, literal "you don't see me anymore"...like "because we were having a blast out on the beach, so in love, and then the sun blocked me from your view" or something, and then, in the second verse, moving on to say, as you did, how he's losing interest and failing to "see" you (affectionless, ignoring your advances, busy with work, etc.)maybe that's trite, but that was kind of what came to mind as far as "twisting" the verses a bit to keep it interesting. anyhoo, i think you're so close here, and it's great writing. if there's anything else i can do to help, let me know! erin

Its a nice beat...nice and soft...something many people like to associate with now and again in musicI think what your tune needs a different story-line...maybe instead of drifting away the two are coming together...I agree with "momo" on the imagery view...but i wouldn't change the narration...I have developed a revised version of the song...am i able to share the lyrics? in this topic? for a critical point of view?

Hi CK,I don't have access to hear the melody. This is very nicely done. My thoughts and suggestions are below - hope you don't mind. You are definitely sooo very close. Cheryl You Don't Seem to See Me Anymore© 2007 by CK Barlow[Verse 1]Like the rising sun fills the morning skies (sky)I was everything in your eyes,Oh, the way you'd look; the way I'd stare...Even in a crowd, it was just us thereCoupla years have passed (these years have passed) 2 years seems like an awfully short period for this relationshipnow when I catch your glance,My sun's gone cold and gray (the day turns cold and gray)[Ch]Look at me nowI'm right here babyI'm fading out (lately it seems )It's plain as day, yeah (I'm fading out, yeah)You're saying everything looks fine (you say everything looks fine)I'm praying maybe love is blind (I know love's supposed to be blind)(but) you don't seem to see me anymore. [Verse 2]A worn down door, a torn porch screenand just a few short steps lie between (us)Would it be too much if I reached out to touch youwould you walk away?Could I make you stayand talk like we're brand new? (and begin like we're brand new)[Ch][Bridge] use either, but not both - the bridge is too long I know every stain and grain of wood on this kitchen table,'cause that's all I'm able to look at when you're in the roomSomething's gotta change soon.-or-I'm hiding behind the TV guide and the Sunday paper,and maybe it's me who's made myself too hard to find...but something's gotta change[Ch to fade]

Hey CK , I think you may want to rethink the pitch. It sounds more like something Miranda Lambert might sing ; Keith Urban has a very cool understated style which makes for a tough write , and to be honest , the lyrics sound a bit needy. Mabye if it had more female empowered lyrics and a stronger title, something like : I Can't See You Anymore ( ? ) I took the liberty of rewriting the chorus , you may have to alter the melody and phrasing to fit. I can't see you anymore There ain't no doubt we're fadin' out I'm showin' you the door Love is blind and that's for sure There ain't no doubt we're fadin' out I can't see you anymore I'm gonna try to rework the verses with more conversational ( picture ) lyrics if that's ok ? You have a nice voice and good musical instincts and with a little more edge this song could make it on to the radio. thanks , Greg

Oct 28, 2008, 10:55am, unsygnedhype wrote:...am i able to share the lyrics? in this topic? for a critical point of view?yep, post away!Sorry, I've been away from the forum and didn't notice that this post had gotten more nibbles. Thanks everybody for chiming in!

Nov 10, 2008, 3:57pm, motomyrtle wrote:[Bridge] use either, but not both - the bridge is too long OK, there's definitely consensus on that point. I like those lyrics so much! But it's too long. OK, thank you. At least that section is clear.The main issue I'm having with it is that the chorus is so one-dimensional in meaning. I might have to drop those words entirely.As far as it being needy, yeah, I guess it is. I'd felt like some of Urban's stuff was not needy, of course, but at least vulnerable, and that's what I was going for -- tough guy on the outside, vulnerable on the inside. So I apparently went overboard. That's very, very good to know. Thanks everybody. Also, there's another TAXI member who took a shot at a complete rewrite, and for objectivity's sake I asked him to post it in Lyric Lovers without mentioning its relationship to this song. So if you want to, head over there and see if you can pick it out! I'm trying really hard to get a healthy distance so I can be objective... getting there, thanks to these constructive comments.thanks, CK