writers block

[JamesCarvalho]

i'm having trouble with what i should be saying next..

i'm not sure where the first verse is going or what it implies.
(but i like it)
seems like a breakup?

i could use a first impression and maybe a structural forethought
*this type of music doesn't use alot of lyric so its really needs to say something

heres a draft vocal on a track to get the vibe
https://soundcloud.com/jamescarvalhomus ... ample-only

i'm not gonna be the singer.. the effect not my first choice either
all comments are fine but i'm here for the lyrical narrative options.
--------------------------------------------------------
OUT OF TIME
you probably thinking i'm outta line
(so many times)
you probably think its all me
(i know a way out)
i bet you thinking i'll be around
i bet you think about me

[funsongs]

I'm missing "the reason" - what happened, what was said, what is the story behind the existing expressions & emotion?
Then - to use Robin Frederick - "show us... don't just tell us."
She wouldn't eat the pizza you made especially for her?
She don't dig pepperoni?
She moved your cheese?
"You don't send me bacon, anymore..."

[Len911]

Jimmy, as for structural forethought and narrative options, you already have a title. Is the title going to be at the end of a verse
or in the chorus? because it isn't in the verse, I'll presume it will be in the chorus. So imo, that's where you start, the chorus.
so once you write the chorus, that will give you context for the verse you wrote, and it may not be the first verse, but it will need to be in accordance with the chorus where your theme is. Of course you might rather change the title if you are set in stone on that verse, and come up with a different chorus. I suppose you could also use it as the chorus, though it could be stronger and more unified around a central theme.

[JamesCarvalho]

ha mr funsongs.
(your a card!!)
i guess i'm looking for verses less specific
i just need more more typical stuff said
when a partner has decided to end the relationship
lets keep it more universal too
*less he or she or pizza, bacon
assume we are listen to someone talking on the phone
we could offer a reveal later. (or not)

hi len911,
breaking tradition i wasn't gonna use the title in the track.
in this kind of pop music the chorus is a noisy "instrumental drop"
the drop consists typically in using a chopped, chipped, pitched variation of a lyrical section
(not saying i couldn't use "out of time" in the drop here and there as it is currently )
so i'm just looking for more useless information to fill in a verse here and there.

this was just a shot for ideas. most likely i will write something today
i just thought i would visit the lyric gurus section to see what is like in this room
(since i'm mainly visit the P2P)


i'll most likely post another mix in there for fun.. i know there are few to none electronic EDM composers here
but i like the people that frequent.

[funsongs]

FWIW - I like the opening vibe you've got going - even the vocal's working; though I see that you have a different vocal planned for it.

[Len911]

i know there are few to none electronic EDM composers here
but i like the people that frequent.

really? I thought there were quite a few, I've seen several EDM songs in p2p.

[JamesCarvalho]

i suppose, i been away lately .. thats great news.
i'll look around more. months ago i remember very few.
cool thanks