"A Blind Eye"(Bridge? or 3rd verse?)

[simonsays]

Hi all,
Brainstormed this, this morning in bed. Had to rush for pen and paper before it disappeared. TMI? I could definitely use some feedback on whether part of my lyric would work better as a bridge ... or a 3rd verse. All other feedback is still welcome, of course.
Steve (aka, SimonSays)

Album: Sweet Country Cream
Song: "A Blind Eye"
Copyright Steve Simon 2013

(1st Verse)
1 Love you've been working overtime
2 on your lies
3 taking comfort, somewhere else
4 while I've cried

(Chorus)
1 I turned 'a blind eye'
2 didn't want to see
3 all the little signs
4 of your in-fi-del-i-ty
5 but my doubts had grown
6 too big to ignore
7 I swore I wouldn't turn
8 'a blind eye', anymore
9 no, I won't turn
10 'a blind eye', anymore

(2nd Verse)
1 You used to whisper sweet nothings
2 into my ears
3 now you whisper, nothing
4 'cause you're not here

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge? 3rd Verse?)
1 Our love's gone A.W.O.L.
2 yes, it's absent without leave
3 seriously, how many lies
4 did you think i would believe??

(Repeat Chorus)

[FMstereo]

Hi Steve

I always think two verses and a bridge makes a song more interesting than simply having three verses. As well as the bridge being melodically different, I try to use a different rhyme scheme, and vary the number of lines and length of lines so that there's lots of contrast between the bridge and the verses.

Cheers

[simonsays]

Thank you for responding so quickly F-M!

Hi Steve

I always think two verses and a bridge makes a song more interesting than simply having three verses.
I agree. Variation is important. The spice of life, as they say.

As well as the bridge being melodically different, I try to use a different rhyme scheme, and vary the number of lines and length of lines so that there's lots of contrast between the bridge and the verses.
F-M, I guess I abbreviated my communication too much above with (bridge? Verse?) As is , it was written as a 3rd verse. It has the same rhyme scheme, and # of lines as the 1st two verses. What I meant to ask was whether or not I should try to make that verse into a bridge.

I've added and edited to the above since posting it. I will post more as I have time. Being as this the 1st product of my half awake self ... I expect many more changes to occur. Thanks again F-M for your input.
Steve (aka, SimonSays)
Cheers

[simonsays]

Here's my latest reworking of this song. All feedback welcome.


Album: Sweet Country Cream
song: "A Blind Eye"
Copyright Steve Simon 2013

(1st Verse)
1 I know -- you've been working overtime
2 layin' foundations for -- your lies
3 takin' comfort somewhere else
4 leavin' me here to cry

5 you used to whisper sweet nothings
6 into my captive ears
7 now you whisper nothing ...
8 'cause honey you're not here

(Chorus)
1 I used to turn 'A Blind Eye'
2 didn't want to see
3 all the little signs
4 of your in-fi-del-i-ty
5 but then my doubts -- they'd grown
6 too big to ignore
7 and I swore I wouldn't turn
8 'A Blind Eye', anymore
9 no, I won't turn
10 'A Blind Eye, anymore
11 No, I ain't gonna turn
12 'A Blind Eye, anymore

(2nd Verse)
1 I left your secretary -- a message
2 I'm sure it will -- get to you
3 she was surprisingly sympathetic with me
4 so now you're the one who's screwed

5 Darlin', I don't know what could be
6 causin' you such distress
7 could it be because your wife and mistress ...
8 are suddenly bff's?

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
1 I got the number of a great attorney
2 he said he's available
3 and he gave me his address
4 lover, I think I'm gonna lawyer-up
5 I think that's for the best
6 better get yourself an attorney
7 that's what he suggests

(Repeat Chorus)

(Outro)
1 Capital 'D' used to be for "Darlin'"
2 now it stands for 'Divorce'
3 that and for 'De-ter-min-a-tion'
4 for me to keep to my course
5 I'm not gonna turn 'A blind Eye', anymore
6 no, I ain't gonna turn 'A Blind Eye', anymore

[SaraL]

I like the simplicity of the first version - especially the first two lines (Love you've been working overtime ... On your lies). They really catch you and drag you in. The second version seems a little overworked. Too much stuff about attorneys and divorce and determination. Maybe that's just because I'm an attorney.

Sara