A Revision

[jt902]

My friends told me right when they said love is a gamebut now im stuck here wondering why nothing is the sameThe sun dosent shine as bright neither do the stars at nightFamily told me to forget about but, oh babyIm here thinking about you it drives me crazyMaybe its your smile, or the way you look at memaybe its you voice, oh girl i cant believehow i left my heart open now its brokenwhy cant we just beno nothin is the same without my baby girl(not done)

[jt902]

Im not finished writing but hows it so far?

[Casey H]

JTAlthough it's hard for me to critique lyrics without music (music changes a lot of the dynamics), I think these lyrics are way too cliche. I recommend you try to think of creative ways of saying things that have been said before without using such overused phrases and rhymes.Step back, think of a love song that said something in a different way. Maybe "Something in the way she moves" by James Taylor and by George Harrison is an example. I don't know what music you listen to now, but listen carefully to get some ideas.Good luck! And let us know how you are doing. Casey