A Song with a Story - lyric feedback, please

[ideascapes]

So, there I am, day one of the TAXI rally, listening to Lamont Dozier speak. I think Michael Laskow asked him, what did you think after you started getting all those #1 hits? Lamont said, "It wasn't supposed to be like this...I was supposed to be sweeping floors at the beauty salon or something..." I immediately wrote down, "It wasn't supposed to be like this" and wrote a lyric on the spot. It hasn't changed much since, so I'm hoping to get some valuable comments here before I commit to final recording.The demo here had a singer just doing a guide vocal and he saw fit to depart significantly from my verse melody, so don't think that's how it's supposed to sound. He did nail the vibe, though, and the chorus is pretty close. The mix here is really quick--vocal needs to come up, for example, and it'll have female BGVs (Supremes?). I would like to know if you think the horns are necessary, or maybe need to be thinned out.Anyway, here 'tis and I welcome any and all comments...----------------------------------------------------------http://www.taxi.com/ideascapes--------- ... --------It Wasn’t Supposed to Be Like ThisCopyright 2008 ideascapes music (ASCAP)I’ve been lookin’ for peace and quietEver since my baby left meNo more screaming, no more fightin’No more crazy wrestlin’But when you strutted’ in that roomThose memories flew right out the doorCould it be too soon for loveWith my heart’s still on the floor?My world started quakin’, my lips started shakin’What’s comin’ over me?No, it wasn’t supposed to be like thisWasn’t supposed to be like this, no, no, noSo I scared up the nerve to talkTo see if these feelings were realYou looked me right square in the eyeGave me a wink and a squealThen I started sweatin’, what’s this I’m gettin’?This can’t be happenin’ againNo, it wasn’t supposed to be like thisWasn’t supposed to be like this, no, noWell maybe I better crawl back in my shellWhere nothing or no one can hurt meYou know the last time that I fellI did it all so suddenlySo I choose to take the plungeTo see where this new thing will goWon’t be the first, won’t be the lastTime I went with the flowMy mind starts rememberin’, my lips start tremblin’, Here it comes againNo, it wasn’t supposed to be like thisIt wasn’t supposed to be like thisNo, no, noWasn’t supposed to be this way, noWasn’t supposed to be at all like thisWasn’t supposed to be, um, umWasn’t supposed to be like thisNo, no

[heinsite]

hey vince,very nice retro r/b/rock vibe, i hear elvin bishop, tower of power, and the vocal later when the singer gets up there even a little meatloaf! the lyrics seem just right on for the style of this btw to my old ears...very nice, i can hear that whoever demo'd this stayed very true to your melody/idea, even if you say the vocal wasn't as spot on, i thought well done, and would be curious what your original idea was...oh, if you can tell me, who you sending these out to? i'm always looking to try new demo troupes apart from who i've been using--it all depends on the song...the best,warren

[momof4]

hi! so my only issue with this lyric is the word "squeal". it just makes me think of a piglet. otherwise, sounds like a fun tune. erin

[ideascapes]

Thanks, warren. Meatloaf, eh? I hadn't considered THAT influence! The singer sang A melody in the verses, just not MY melody. This is an interesting collab. I hired Scott Gerow (Red Dragon Music Productions, www.reddragonpro.com), a great guy I met at the rally. He recorded the rhythm section at his place in Nashville, but you heard my bass, guitar (right side), and horns on the demo. He'll send me all the final tracks and I'll mix/master here. His drummer recorded a guide vocal as they plan to record that on another session.erin, I changed "squeal" to "smile"; thanks for the tip!Vince

[kitz]

Smokin'!! Hot Hot Hot!!Love the horns - Reminds me of Gatemouth Brown!! Everything seems to be in place. Maybe a little room verb on the snare. Just my 2. Kitz

[heinsite]

VERY cool vince--can't wait to hear the all shook up and mixed version from you...knowing now what you just told us, this can be a knockout tune when all the pieces come together!! keep plugging.all the best,wh

[ideascapes]

Thanks kitz and warren--this has been really fun to work on so far and the tie in to the Lamont Dozier interview just tickles me...V>

[billg]

hey Vince this is really cool! I love stuff like this. Don't know what kind of listing it would fit best for . . . that's always the question isn't it?!!!

[ideascapes]

Yeah, the listing...occasionally, I've seen some that call for "retro soul." That'd probably work.V>

[feaker]

vinceI have these pill I have to take for my ticker each day.Shared this tune with my wife this morning and we both agreed this would be a great substitute. Mandates you get up and dance.Singer is excellent.I know you wanted lyric help, but I just had to say I liked it.Paul