A Veeery Rough Demo

[momof4]

no comments on the quality of the recording OR of the singer, please! (yeah, it's me singing, and i'll admit the harmonies with myself are slightly creepy)but as for the nuts and bolts of the song, this should at least give you some idea. it's called "The Deepest Part of Me"...i guess it'd be country? that's usually what i shoot for, although this one's a little different. here's the link: www.soundclick.com/erinvenableand here are lyrics:The Deepest Part of Mecopyright 2009 Erin VenableI saw you today It’d been awhile - I looked awaybut it seemed like I’d seen you more recentlyThen it occurred to meThat I saw you differentlyThe other night - just the other nightIn my dreams Well, we’ve moved on Thank God - I really thank God(But still you’re in)The deepest part of meThe deepest partI need heart surgeryTo get you out of the deepestPart of meSomehow you left a markAll those years in my heartand though we ended things mutuallyYour face will reappearA memory here or thereAnd it bothers me - it bothers meI swear Well, we’ve moved on Thank God - I really thank God(But still you’re in)The deepest part of meThe deepest partI need heart surgeryTo get you out of the deepestPart of me Is it possible to love and then really let go I think it’s harder than we know (‘cause still you’re in)

[cameron]

Erin,This is a very good song, with a memorable chorus melody, and I really like your voice too. Nothing "creepy" about the harmonies either. The only thing I don't like is the "I need heart surgery" line. Can you find another way to make the same point?Cam

[Casey H]

Apr 4, 2009, 8:14pm, momof4 wrote:no comments on the quality of the recording OR of the singer, please! (yeah, it's me singing, and i'll admit the harmonies with myself are slightly creepy)but as for the nuts and bolts of the song, this should at least give you some idea. it's called "The Deepest Part of Me"...i guess it'd be country? that's usually what i shoot for, although this one's a little different. here's the link: www.soundclick.com/erinvenableand here are lyrics:The Deepest Part of Mecopyright 2009 Erin VenableI saw you today It’d been awhile - I looked awaybut it seemed like I’d seen you more recentlyThen it occurred to meThat I saw you differentlyThe other night - just the other nightIn my dreams Well, we’ve moved on Thank God - I really thank God(But still you’re in)The deepest part of meThe deepest partI need heart surgeryTo get you out of the deepestPart of meSomehow you left a markAll those years in my heartand though we ended things mutuallyYour face will reappearA memory here or thereAnd it bothers me - it bothers meI swear Well, we’ve moved on Thank God - I really thank God(But still you’re in)The deepest part of meThe deepest partI need heart surgeryTo get you out of the deepestPart of me Is it possible to love and then really let go I think it’s harder than we know (‘cause still you’re in)Hi ErinVery pretty... and I think it's great that you posted a rough like this.I'm not much into country but this feels more female singer-songwriter to me than country. That's OK, as long as you end up with a really good song. I hear a bit of Joni Mitchell, Carole King, etc.Something in the lyric is bothering me. I feel like there isn't consistency about the relationship and how she feels. The relationship ended mutually and she's thanking God for moving on. That implies a bit less serious of a thing than someone for which she needs "heart surgery" for. I'm not sure if she is remembering an old love fondly or really pining away for him.It's a really nice tune. Good luck with it. Casey

[k o star]

Yea I agree with Cam... everything's gr8 except for that line...maybe something like "erase this memory"?Gr8 song though!-Kel

[k o star]

or "it's a bitter sweet tragedy"

[geo]

Hi Erin...Love this... except for that line....How about just dropping "heart"... or maybe...The deepest part of meThe deepest part of my heartAnd I'm gonna need surgeryTo get you out of the deepestPart of meGood luck with this!Peace, Geo

[partyofone]

Erin,I like this. The harmonies sound pretty dang good to me too! I'll agree the heart surgery line could be changed.. don't get me wrong.. it's clever but this song sounds so tender and serious that the line also sounds flippant. Also I was a bit confused by the line "I thank God".. just because it makes it sound like the singer is SOOO grateful not to be with that person. Nice song lyric and melody though! PS, is that an Alesis QS8 in your pic? I've had a QS7 for about 10 years!

[ideascapes]

You have a great voice, Erin, and the harmonies are fine. Do you sing to your kids (hope so)? I know a mom who set up a small studio in her home and she makes a good living recording vocal tracks for songwriters, producers, and ad agencies. You could do this!The song is cool, but I have a feeling that you could sing the phone directory and it'd be good. You're getting some great advice already about the lyric and I have just one point to ponder. "The Deepest Part of Me" is a hooky title, especially the way you sing it. As a listener, I'd like to hear more in the verses about why and how the person you're singing to has touched you so deeply and what other thoughts and feelings are in that "deepest part" that makes it so significant.As is, the song carries a good emotion, so congrats! Not sure when you have time to do this with 4 + 1 in the oven, but hope to hear more. BTW, I think this could be singer-songwriter OR country--would just depend on the production.Vince

[feaker]

momGreat potential as all above have said.Had to wince bieng that I have had tripple bypass with bad results.Just have to get clever one more time because the rest is good.good luckDad of 2

[momof4]

thank you, thank you everyone for your nice comments and advice!!! i'm guessing my "heart surgery" line will have to go, based on popular demand. dang! i'll keep working on it...yes, Patrick...it's a QS8! and i LOVE it! i don't ever do much with it besides the piano patches, which is a shame, i know, but i'm not very technical. but i still love it - it's been really good to me...got it back in '97. thanks again, friends - hope all of you are doing well and have a wonderful Easter!erin