All For My baby

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irwin
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All For My baby

Post by irwin » Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:52 pm

This is a song I've written (I am thinking Blues,country or pop) Don't know where to places it as yet, I just want to know what you guys may have to say about my writing style.


All For My baby
©2013-2018 Irwin Abrigo

(1st verse)
My baby let me catch the bus
While she rode home in a taxi
Paid a bill says in God we trust
Here I am without cash money

(Chorus)
I did it all for my baby
All for my baby
I did it all for my baby
All for my baby

(2nd verse)
Now I'm feeling like I am drained
Walking with no coat in the rain
Don't know if she's thinking of me
I just want to know she's happy

(Chorus)
I did it all for my baby
All for my baby
I did it all for my baby
All for my baby

(Bridge)
That when a man is in love
That when a man is in love
He gives a lot
he gives all he got
That's when a man is in love
That's when a man is in love

(Change)
I think you could have called me
On my cellular phone
To tell me you've made it safe at home
(That's what I want to Know)

(3rd verse)
You may want to say I'm a fool
I've heard people say love is blind
Don't care if I'm singing the blues
As long as she's saying she is mine

(Chorus)
Again I will do it all for my baby
I'll do it all for my baby
I'ill do it all for my baby
I'll do it all for my baby

All for my baby
All for my baby
And I'll do it again and again and again
And again and again and again and again

(Chorus)
I"ll do it all for my baby
I"ll do it all for my baby
I"ll do it all for my baby
I"ll do it all for my baby

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cosmicdolphin
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Re: All For My baby

Post by cosmicdolphin » Wed Feb 28, 2018 8:55 am

Hi Irwin

You asked me to look this over, I have to say I'm not really an expert on lyrics by any means.

Without hearing any melody or music I always find it difficult to review them out of context. Some that read well on the page don't always make the best songs and vice versa.

I like the first couple of lines. .they set the scene...the relationship. .it feels grounded and genuine.

The line about paying the bill didn't really make as much sense to me? I am not clear what God has to do with this part ? Maybe the last line of the verse could say something like she spent all your money. .instead of just saying you haven't got any.

The chorus is s bit of a cliché. ..you never explain. ..did what for your Baby? Maybe be more specific...tell us you spent a million dollars on your baby ? Maybe in the song she's a gold digger. .what are you trying to say about this woman?

The ( change ) part ...That could be more descriptive...maybe you bought her one of those diamond encrusted phones and she never calls you.

Hope that helps

Mark

Len911
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Re: All For My baby

Post by Len911 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 12:00 pm

Hello Irwin! I can't help but think of the song, " when a Man Loves a Woman". The biggest difference is that he never complains
about being drained or losing money. It's not that the situation is any different, it's that the main character doesn't make any judgements himself.
Now I'm feeling like I am drained
Walking with no coat in the rain
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be
the main premise being:
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Loving eyes can't ever see
I think as your song is written, most likely a blues song performed tongue in cheek. On Taxi tv, this week, Robin mentioned a couple things that seem to apply here, 1) that nowadays with the #Me Too, you can't own anyone
As long as she's saying she is mine
, and 2) preaching, or telling people how they should feel, like making judgments.
https://soundcloud.com/huck-sawyer-finn
Not an expert on contemporary music

irwin
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Re: All For My baby

Post by irwin » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:59 am

Hi Mark, I had asked you to review my song lyric and you did. I've carefully read the comments that you have made and I also took notice of the needed advises you have given, all of which I appreciate you taking some of your time to do.

Irwin

irwin
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Re: All For My baby

Post by irwin » Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:19 am

Hi Len911, Thank you for spending time focusing and commenting on my song lyric. You've showed me the difference of " when a Man Loves a Woman" and my song. You are right, in that lyric (he never complains)

Your reply means a lot.

Irwin

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