Anyone interested in giving me a critique

[Picardster]

Hi Fellow Passengers,

somewhat in German. This is a song of and about my life - but in German. It is an important one and not yet released.
Before I put it anywhere, I'd appreciate some honest opinions. Just in case you'Re interested and you have time.

Here is the link Mein Blick zurück

I fixed already some things according to the suggestions of the first three comments - again thanks for that. So what you'll hear here is the new version already


And here are the lyrics:

Mein Blick zurück

Ich sitze hier am Klavier – schön ist's hier
Ich denk zurück an die Zeit – die war und die mir bleibt.
Viele Jahre viel das getan was ich nicht war
Auf der Suche nach etwas Glück - schau ich zurück


Ref:
Viele Tränen nicht geweint,
Und viel zu viel hab ich versäumt
Auf der Suche nach etwas Glück
Zu zweit
Viel zu wenig, zu wenig Mut
Hab mich nicht getraut
– Zu tun was mir gut tut
Doch mein Blick, mein Blick zurück
Zeigt auch viel Glück, auch viel Glück


Viele Rollen nur gespielt – nur gespielt
1000 Menschen um mich herum – und keiner sieht's
1000 Sachen hab ich nur gemacht zum Überleben
Und 1000 mal hab ich mit gelacht, und nichts mehr gefühlt

Und 1000 Tränen hab ich nicht geweint
Und 1000mal nicht gesehen wie schön die Sonne scheint
Auf der Suche nach einem Glück
Zu zweit
Zeit für mehr, für mehr Mut
Für das zu tun, was meiner Seele gut
Und beim Blick, beim Blick zurück wird alles gut
Und mein Blick, mein Blick zurück
Zeigt dann viel Glück.
Viel Glück
Cheers

[rpeckyno]

Hello Picardster!

Of course, it depends on what you might be using it for - but - as an artist solo release, it's powerful. I very much like the emotion of the voice - it's a bit haunting which is perfect for the song.
As a single, it might be a bit long without more significant dynamic changes. I'd (personally) like to hear the "bigs" get bigger (perhaps more orchestral, strategic percussion in the second half, or some such). I like the spartan beginning, but just wanted it to go further by the end.

Otherwise, I felt it was very pretty and emotional! Good luck!

[Picardster]

Hello Picardster!

Of course, it depends on what you might be using it for - but - as an artist solo release, it's powerful. I very much like the emotion of the voice - it's a bit haunting which is perfect for the song.
As a single, it might be a bit long without more significant dynamic changes. I'd (personally) like to hear the "bigs" get bigger (perhaps more orchestral, strategic percussion in the second half, or some such). I like the spartan beginning, but just wanted it to go further by the end.

Otherwise, I felt it was very pretty and emotional! Good luck!

Cheers

rpeckyno

Cheers Robert, that is very helpful!!!! This tune might to be brought up a bit. Can't shorten it though, since the story of my life has to be told.
Cheerio/Stefan

[Zaychi]

"Heartfelt", as a listing would say... well done! It sounds very "German" somehow, it's hard to say why but I certainly don't mean the actual lyrics, it's more about some "pathos" thing, Wagner's blood is still in you guy's veins somehow!

- I agree that a bigger build in terms of orchestration would help, especially in the second half. The song is too long to stay more or less on the same level.
- When you publish lyrics, make sure they fit the actual vocal; there's a lot of variations between them
- the extremely long echo you use here and there on the vocal completely doesn't work for me; when you want to fill gaps between the lines, make a double recording for them.

[Picardster]

"Heartfelt", as a listing would say... well done! It sounds very "German" somehow, it's hard to say why but I certainly don't mean the actual lyrics, it's more about some "pathos" thing, Wagner's blood is still in you guy's veins somehow!

- I agree that a bigger build in terms of orchestration would help, especially in the second half. The song is too long to stay more or less on the same level.
- When you publish lyrics, make sure they fit the actual vocal; there's a lot of variations between them
- the extremely long echo you use here and there on the vocal completely doesn't work for me; when you want to fill gaps between the lines, make a double recording for them.

First of all, cheers for making me aware that I sang some variations of these lyrics. And sorry for that!!
I fixed it in the first post now.

And cheers for your critique. That helps a lot - particularly with the first one....
Thanks again
Cheerio/Stefan

[swdaze]

Hey this is great. I like the overall feel and it sounds clean, good vocal.

My only critique is it carries the same basic feel throughout. There is a section roughly in the middle that ends with

"..auch viel Glück"

It felt like that could be a slowly (not tempo but feel) section similar to the feeling right at the end.

My 2 cents.

Good luck with it!!

Geo

[AlanHall]

Stefan,
with my nearly nonexistent German language skills, I got this much:

I sit here at the piano, it's pretty here
I think back on the time (something something)
many years (something something)
(something something, etc.)

So without knowing (too many of) the words, I certainly get a sense of wistfulness and surrender, but not regret. Am I close?
And yes; it's a beautiful song, it sounds authentic and natural, and at a high level of craftsmanship. Well done!

[Picardster]

Hey this is great. I like the overall feel and it sounds clean, good vocal.

My only critique is it carries the same basic feel throughout. There is a section roughly in the middle that ends with

"..auch viel Glück"

It felt like that could be a slowly (not tempo but feel) section similar to the feeling right at the end.

My 2 cents.

Good luck with it!!

Geo

Cheers Geo, for your 2 Cents. These might be worth a few more cents as well. I'll go into that today.
BTW, I actually slowed down the last two bars of part one a wee bit to give it a wee syncope
Cheerio/Stefan

[Picardster]

Stefan,
with my nearly nonexistent German language skills, I got this much:

I sit here at the piano, it's pretty here
I think back on the time (something something)
many years (something something)
(something something, etc.)

So without knowing (too many of) the words, I certainly get a sense of wistfulness and surrender, but not regret. Am I close?
And yes; it's a beautiful song, it sounds authentic and natural, and at a high level of craftsmanship. Well done!

Cheers Alan,
you're quite close with your feeling about the song. I wouldn't go so far to have intended a wistful and regretful feeling, but melancholy is intended.

It is a retrospective view of my life - most likely of all of our lives - with the feeling and the hope that "Glück", the meaning of which is wider than just happiness or luck, was part of it. Although there were many roles to be played, many obstacles to overcome etc. I would translate Glück in a deep and also spiritual sense as bliss, happiness, felicity......

Mr. Google made this translation for me. He used Good Luck - easy to replace if you have read the above

I hope the feeling you got correspondents with the lyrics.

I'll try to improve it a wee bit today .

Cheerio/Stefan

My look back (Google translation)

I'm sitting here at the piano - it's nice here
I think back to the time - it was and will remain.
For many years I did a lot what I wasn't
Looking for some luck - I look back


Ref:
Many tears not cried
And I've missed far too much
Looking for some luck
As a couple
Far too little, too little courage
I didn't dare
- To do what is good for me
But my look, my look back
Also shows good luck, good luck too


Many roles just played - just played
1000 people around me - and nobody sees it
I only did 1000 things to survive
And 1000 times I laughed along and felt nothing

And I didn't cry 1000 tears
And a thousand times not seen how beautiful the sun is shining
Looking for happiness
As a couple
Time for more, for more courage
To do what is good for my soul
And when you look back, everything will be fine
And my look, my look back
Show good luck then

[AlanHall]

+1