Be-Bi-BO-BUM (I picture Scotty Mccreery singing this)

[simonsays]

It's been quite a while since i last posted a song. I'm mostly looking for thoughts on how I might restructure this ... but any and all input is welcome, of course.





Album: Tales of Love
Song: Be-Bi-BO-BUM
Copyright Steve Simon 2011


(Pre-Chorus, Intro?)

1 Let me tell you a tale ... a tale of love
2 it's no fairy tale ... believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Chorus)

1 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
2 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
3 I fell in love, IN LOVE
4 with a B-E-A, beautiful WO-MAN

5 didn't need to find -- no magic bean
6 didn't need to climb -- any crazy green tree
7 didn't hear a harp -- serenade
8 didn't see no goose -- layin' golden eggs
9 It's no fantasy ... you gotta believe me
10 I love her, and she loves me

(1st Verse)

1 High in the sky
2 wasn't where we met
3 It was in that coffee shop
4 next to the car wash
5 I'll never forget

6 I was sittin' at a corner table
7 mindin' my own B -- (and) nursin' a cup
8 when an Honest to God Angel ... lord, she walked up
9 Lord ... I was empty ... and she filled me on up

(Pre-Chorus)

1 this was true love -- not no Giant Crush
2 wasn't no fairy tale -- believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

1 Took her home to Mamma
2 and Momma told me
3 it must be love
4 can't be anything else
5 you can't eat
6 can't sleep
7 can't keep...
8 your hands, to yourself

(Repeat Chorus)

[ocean]

I love your lyrics, man. They have a spark of magic in them. They make me smile and think. Great work!

[simonsays]

I love your lyrics, man. They have a spark of magic in them. They make me smile and think. Great work!

Thanks Ocean,
I'm glad you liked it. My difficulty now with this one is trying to get it into a recognizable format. Any suggestions along that line (by anyone) would be greatly appreciated.

Steve

[ocean]

I'm not sure I know what you mean...

[simonsays]

I'm not sure I know what you mean...

Hi Ocean,
I was referring to my song's structure. (ie, Pre-Chorus/Chorus, Verse, Pre-Chorus/Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)
This is not a standard structure ... and I am unsure how much that lone verse stands out, because of that. It is nine lines long, after all. The structure didn't strike you as awkward?
I tried looking into splitting that long verse into two verses, but I couldn't see a way to do that and keep the content intact.

Steve

[ocean]

Hi Ocean,
I was referring to my song's structure. (ie, Pre-Chorus/Chorus, Verse, Pre-Chorus/Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)
This is not a standard structure ... and I am unsure how much that lone verse stands out, because of that. It is nine lines long, after all. The structure didn't strike you as awkward?
I tried looking into splitting that long verse into two verses, but I couldn't see a way to do that and keep the content intact.

Steve

I may not be the right person to ask. I love unusual structuring.
I think it works great as is, but maybe someone else could chime in and give their opinion?

[mazey]

It's been quite a while since i last posted a song. I'm mostly looking for thoughts on how I might restructure this ... but any and all input is welcome, of course.





Album: Tales of Love
Song: Be-Bi-BO-BUM
Copyright Steve Simon 2011


(Pre-Chorus, Intro?)

1 Let me tell you a tale ... a tale of love
2 it's no fairy tale ... believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Chorus)

1 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
2 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
3 I fell in love, IN LOVE
4 with a B-E-A, beautiful WO-MAN

5 didn't need to find -- no magic bean
6 didn't need to climb -- any crazy green tree
7 didn't hear a harp -- serenade
8 didn't see no goose -- layin' golden eggs
9 It's no fantasy ... you gotta believe me
10 I love her, and she loves me

(1st Verse)

1 High in the sky
2 wasn't where we met
3 It was in that coffee shop
4 next to the car wash
5 I'll never forget

6 I was sittin' at a corner table
7 mindin' my own B -- (and) nursin' a cup
8 when an Honest to God Angel ... lord, she walked up
9 Lord ... I was empty ... and she filled me on up

(Pre-Chorus)

1 this was true love -- not no Giant Crush
2 wasn't no fairy tale -- believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

1 Took her home to Mamma
2 and Momma told me
3 it must be love
4 can't be anything else
5 you can't eat
6 can't sleep
7 can't keep...
8 your hands, to yourself

(Repeat Chorus)

Ok man, I'll have a crack.. You start off with ushering me close to 'tell me a tale' that you assure me is no joke... a few times throughout the lyrics. I go to myself "Holy shit" this guy is going to give me a unbelievable story here. I mean I love Aerosmith's Dude Looks Like A Lady (then she whipped out a guuuun and tried to blow me awaaaay), and now I'm gonna hear something in this song, that the author tells me is the honest to God's truth.

Then I find out the big twist is... you met someone you fell in love with at the coffee shop... the one next to the car wash! Prior that disclosure, you assure me it was nothing as 'lame' (my interpretation, not your words) as meeting her "high in the sky" (aeroplane? Hijack situation that turns into love?..skydiving? she pulls his reserve chute when the other fails?), all of which alot more interesting.

You do have a palpable enthusiasm for trying to be creative which is good, but these lyrics are not telling an enjoyable story... the one the author promised.

The bridge is alright. It's nice and safe with the usual harmless cliches, but would be better served with the rest having more meat on the bone.

Maybe I'm missing the spirit of it or target audience you're aiming at here.

I suppose for me, it's a song I wouldn't listen to, but for young female fans of Scotty it would evoke a pretty and inspiring love story. AT least youre trying some clever tricks with your talent.

[Len911]

Tricky one. The intro sets me up for something bizarre, as what Mazey says. Since I'm not really expecting fee-fi-foe-fum, I might hear it as be bi(as in sexual), more bum. It reminds me of Frank Zappa, 'Wonderful Wino', "jam down the road you bum bum bum bum"... I kinda see what you are trying to do, however I'm not so sure about it being the chorus or the main hook without having some context. Oh, and then there's another song by Frank Zappa called "Dinah Moe Humm".
I was attempting to think of examples of what you were trying to do and I kept coming up with FZ, I thought there were others but I just can't think right now of any.
I think the title sounds more like a song from Captain Beefheart than Scotty McCreedy, avant-garde, than country.
I love both genres, FZ and the Captain + George Jones and Vern Gosdin (traditional country). The hook just sounds like the previous two artists and not country imo.

[mazey]

Tricky one. The intro sets me up for something bizarre, as what Mazey says. Since I'm not really expecting fee-fi-foe-fum, I might hear it as be bi(as in sexual), more bum. It reminds me of Frank Zappa, 'Wonderful Wino', "jam down the road you bum bum bum bum"... I kinda see what you are trying to do, however I'm not so sure about it being the chorus or the main hook without having some context. Oh, and then there's another song by Frank Zappa called "Dinah Moe Humm".
I was attempting to think of examples of what you were trying to do and I kept coming up with FZ, I thought there were others but I just can't think right now of any.
I think the title sounds more like a song from Captain Beefheart than Scotty McCreedy, avant-garde, than country.
I love both genres, FZ and the Captain + George Jones and Vern Gosdin (traditional country). The hook just sounds like the previous two artists and not country imo.

lol.. So you're suggesting he call this song BI BUM?

[simonsays]

Album: Tales of Love
Song: Be-Bi-BO-BUM
Copyright Steve Simon 2011


(Pre-Chorus, Intro?)

1 Let me tell you a tale ... a tale of love
2 it's no fairy tale ... believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Chorus)

1 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
2 Be-Bi-BO-BUM
3 I fell in love, IN LOVE
4 with a B-E-A, beautiful WO-MAN

5 didn't need to find -- no magic bean
6 didn't need to climb -- any crazy green tree
7 didn't hear a harp -- serenade
8 didn't see no goose -- layin' golden eggs
9 It's no fantasy ... you gotta believe me
10 I love her, and she loves me

(1st Verse)

1 High in the sky
2 wasn't where we met
3 It was in that coffee shop
4 next to the car wash
5 I'll never forget

6 I was sittin' at a corner table
7 mindin' my own B -- (and) nursin' a cup
8 when an Honest to God Angel ... lord, she walked up
9 Lord ... I was empty ... and she filled me on up

(Pre-Chorus)

1 this was true love -- not no Giant Crush
2 wasn't no fairy tale -- believe me
3 I couldn't make this stuff up

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

1 Took her home to Mamma
2 and Momma told me
3 it must be love
4 can't be anything else
5 you can't eat
6 can't sleep
7 can't keep...
8 your hands, to yourself

(Repeat Chorus)




Ok man, I'll have a crack..

Thanks Mazey! I appreciate all the feedback I get.

You start off with ushering me close to 'tell me a tale' that you assure me is no joke... [the italics are mine]

Actually, a fairy Tale is what I assured the listener it's not. And later ... it's not a fantasy either. The 'Jack and the Beanstalk' intended theme starts even before that with the title.



a few times throughout the lyrics. I go to myself "Holy shit" this guy is going to give me a unbelievable story here.

The story is intended as a love story [ie, a tale of love ... as evidenced in the album designation and the first line. Albeit a tale with a silly/cutesy? fairy tale theme.]

I mean I love Aerosmith's Dude Looks Like A Lady (then she whipped out a guuuun and tried to blow me awaaaay),

I don't think I was misleading with what type of song I was going for here. With Scotty as the suggested singer, and this being a love song, an Aerosmith type vibe isn't something I expected the listener to be looking for.

and now I'm gonna hear something in this song, that the author tells me is the honest to God's truth.
Then I find out the big twist is... you met someone you fell in love with at the coffee shop... the one next to the car wash!

In a lot of my lyrics I shoot for a big twist ... in this one I didn't. (Other than him saying she's "an honest to God angel, which might, or might not, be taken literally)


Prior that disclosure, you assure me it was nothing as 'lame' (my interpretation, not your words) as meeting her "high in the sky" (aeroplane? Hijack situation that turns into love?..skydiving? she pulls his reserve chute when the other fails?), all of which alot more interesting.

As you said, those weren't my words.
Mazey, It seems to me like somehow you were expecting an action flick theme ala James Bond or Jason Bourne, rather than the date night one I was going for. (I actually thought I had gone a little overboard in repeating that this is not a "fantastical" story.) The "High in the Sky" line comes after my Jack and the Beanstalk heavily laden themed chorus ... so I honestly don't see how the "High in the Sky" connection to the "Giant's land" high above the clouds was missed.



You do have a palpable enthusiasm for trying to be creative which is good, but these lyrics are not telling an enjoyable story... the one the author promised.

I'm sorry you didn't find the story enjoyable Mazey. (As they say, you can't please everyone.) I do however, think this is the type of story (as in thematic content, target audience,etc) I promised to tell. I have two other stories so far under this 'Tales of Love' Album label; HiJack'nJill, and Peter Pan Man (aka,Lost Boy). Each is a fairy tale themed love story. I haven't posted the "Peter Pan Man" one yet though.

The bridge is alright. It's nice and safe with the usual harmless cliches, but would be better served with the rest having more meat on the bone.

I sounds to me like it's more that the meat that is there ( ie, the Jack and the Beanstalk references) is not to your taste.

Maybe I'm missing the spirit of it or target audience you're aiming at here.
I suppose for me, it's a song I wouldn't listen to, but for young female fans of Scotty it would evoke a pretty and inspiring love story. AT least youre trying some clever tricks with your talent.

Yes, as you surmised from me suggesting Scotty as a singer for this, female fans of his would be the primary target I'm shooting for. I thought Scotty would fit for this not because he sings country music, but because of his great deep voice. I envisioned the parts of the song in ALL
CAPS to be sung in a deep voice. I also highlighted those parts in bold letters, but unfortunately that did not carry over when I cut/pasted this song here.

Mazey, thank you for taking the time to give me your impression of this song. Again, I'm sorry this was not your cup of tea, as the Brits say. You might want to check out my song "Snow White Succubus". I think it has more of what you seemed to be looking for style wise in this song.

Steve (aka, SimonSays)