Because Of Christmas Day (For a Taxi Christmas List)

[irwin]

Hi Members, I have teamed up with two persons (1) a vocalist (2) a Musician for this song I have written to come alive.

I am asking; Do you guys think that a Taxi forwarded is possible?. If not I am also asking for your suggestions.

https://soundcloud.com/user-148093629/b ... tmas-day-1

[cassmcentee]

Nice tune Irwin!
It's a return, sorry to say...
To my ears you need a fluid piano player as it is very stiff for this kind of emotional tune
The vocals are sung nicely but the Reverb makes it sound muddy and not in the same space with the instruments
I would work on those spots first!
Cheers,
Cass

[cosmicdolphin]

I am asking; Do you guys think that a Taxi forwarded is possible?. If not I am also asking for your suggestions.

Sorry but it's the most returnable thing I've heard on the forum in a long time.

Forgettable melody aside the production sounds like it was recorded via the inside a tin can with a piece of string to the DAW. What happened ?? The mix and production are far below the standard needed,

Also the piano playing is poor , I think the singer is trying her best but there's nothing to work with. The whole thing sounds very amatuerish, that's the best I can say about it.

My advice. If you can't play piano properly either get more lessons , or get EZkeys , or don't write piano songs. Also think about getting some lessons on mixing and production locally if you can , I get the feeling you may not even have the proper equipment ( decent monitors or headphones , a proper DAW , some decent sound libraries ? ) so who knows, that may be part of the issue.

Mark

[irwin]

Nice tune Irwin!
It's a return, sorry to say...
To my ears you need a fluid piano player as it is very stiff for this kind of emotional tune
The vocals are sung nicely but the Reverb makes it sound muddy and not in the same space with the instruments
I would work on those spots first!
Cheers,
Cass

Your Suggest there are taken with seriousness Robert!, I really appreciate the time you have taken to listen and Reply, thank you so much.

Irwin

[irwin]

Hi Irwin

First something positive: I think there are parts in your song that could be the germinating seeds for a very strong and engaging track. There are some gems in there.

However, as it is, the song unfortunately does not work at all for me. It has the same issues your songs always have had since I have been listening to them, I am sorry to say. This means:

1. No clearly identifyable hook or chorus. I walk away from it and, essentially, I can not really hum or whistle anything I heard.
2. The song meanders around, goes here and there melodically and rhythmically, with no real structure that helps the listener to "feel" it and get used to it.
3. Vocal and instrumental seem to be fighting each other in many places.
4. Singer sounds pitchy or does not seem to know what to really sing. I believe she is a good singer, so the blame must go to the composer/producer here.
5. Major production issues. The singer sounds as if she was 30 feet down the hallway. The piano at the start sounds lo-fi in a not so good way.

Some more specific issues:
Around 0:55 and 1:02-1:05 it sounds as if the singer is either pitchy or hesitating, because she does not know what to do.
The double layered vocals between 1:25 and 1:30 don't work for me - it sounds like a major timing accident.
Between 1:35 and 1:50 the instrumental and the voice are not working together. It sounds like a complete mess, as if voice and instrumental were randomly thrown together.

Here is an idea: Create a single piano line of the entire length song that encapsulates its main melody at any point. If that is a little strict, take two lines: top line and bass. If you listen to this essence of your song, ask yourself: Does it sound good, rhythmically and melodically engaging, memorable? If you are not able to do this, then something is severely wrong with it. Because, how should we, the listeners, then "get" what your song tries to tell us? I am serious about this suggestion and would actually ask you to post it then in this thread here so it can be analyzed.

Think of any song you love. I bet you can whistle that single piano line to me that I just described. This is where you have to get to with your own songs.

All the best,
Tom

Hi Tom, I am please to know you think there are parts in my song that could be the germinating seeds for a very strong and engaging track for I always wants to hear the truth. however I am sorry that the song it is not working for you because I am not the writer who just wants to write songs for some only, I want to please a lot of persons so I will take the blame as composer. The double layered vocals between 1:25 and 1:30 I'll take take that blame fully too.

This is a link to my track of the song. Does this version better than the first track?: https://soundcloud.com/user-148093629/b ... s-day-2020

Thanks for the suggestions you have given and thank you for listening and analyzing the song in the way you did. I'll take your suggestions and thoughts on board went I set out to write future songs I really appreciate and honestly respect your comments.

Irwin

[irwin]

I am asking; Do you guys think that a Taxi forwarded is possible?. If not I am also asking for your suggestions.

Sorry but it's the most returnable thing I've heard on the forum in a long time.

Forgettable melody aside the production sounds like it was recorded via the inside a tin can with a piece of string to the DAW. What happened ?? The mix and production are far below the standard needed,

Also the piano playing is poor , I think the singer is trying her best but there's nothing to work with. The whole thing sounds very amatuerish, that's the best I can say about it.

My advice. If you can't play piano properly either get more lessons , or get EZkeys , or don't write piano songs. Also think about getting some lessons on mixing and production locally if you can , I get the feeling you may not even have the proper equipment ( decent monitors or headphones , a proper DAW , some decent sound libraries ? ) so who knows, that may be part of the issue.

Mark

Hi Mark, "the most returnable thing I've heard on the forum in a long time". I apologies for that.

For the piano, mix and production I teams up with someone to bring a new sound to my song. your advice on that are well received and appreciated.

I must mention this too, your constructive criticism are very helpful every time and I thank you for your participation in this process.


Irwin

[cosmicdolphin]

For the piano, mix and production I teams up with someone to bring a new sound to my song.

Unfortunately those elements are far below the standard required, I would either learn to do it yourself or find a more talented collaborator