Been a little depressed..wrote a song dark side

[feaker66]

Hi I have had some nasty heart problems as of late. Stopped a couple of times and have had a monitor on for a month. ha ha Scaring my wife of 48 years. I gotta shake this off. Anyhow, been down a little and produced this song. It is anything but disneyish. Any comments would be appreciated. The lyrics are on soundcloud. Used two different drum tracks down the middle. Might be a little too much:)

Note I changed up a bunch of stuff. Had to break up that same guitar riff, so I added a slightly different one on the opposite side. In the chorus section I went to a couple of sustain guitars and a stabbing two bass part. Took some verb off the vocal too. I am so over this track now. Thank all of you who helped and the kind thoughts also regarding my ticker

sincerely

Paul

https://soundcloud.com/feaker66/dark-side

[mikemichnya]

Hey Paul,

I hope your heart problems get resolved and your ticker keeps ticking for another 40 years or so, man! I like the energy of the song, but it would help to have the lyrics. Why don't you just post them to the soundcloud page?

Until then, rock on!!

[SteveJCurtis]

Hey Paul!
Sorry to hear about your health issues mate. I hope you are doing what the Doc says, and take it easy.
If you can, try not to get stressed and look at all the positives you have in life. Tough sometimes I know, but you can do it!
I like the track by the way but think the vocal needs to come up as some of the words seemed a little lost.
Take care sir.
Cheers/Steve

[erynmichel]

I'm so sorry to hear about your ticker, Paul! I'm glad you're still with us and still making tunes, especially rockin' ones.

Something about its construction reminded me vaguely of John Paul White's "What a Way to Go" from True Detective Season 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-ATcQGnzSg

I wonder if it would be worth it making a scaled down version of this track and keeping the edge on your vocals (which I really, really liked and wanted to see more prominently featured, although I love a good rock beat like the one you have here). Never hurts to experiment with two versions.

Slipknot did this with Vermillion a while back, which REALLY reminded me of your track:
Rock version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-VuiI_NP68
Scaled back version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej9DBgY_sxk
They modified the lyrics for the scaled back version, but kept the structure, the subject, the imagery, the main hook "I won’t let this build up inside of me," and the especially haunting final lines, "She isn’t real. I can’t make her real."

Rock on Paul!!
Eryn

[cassmcentee]

Hey Paul!
I instantly had an image of Job sitting by himself inspecting his boils fighting off bitterness by singing the truth of his situation.
Thank you for sharing yourself again!
Asking God to put his healing hand on your heart now, he truly love's each and every one of us.
Your friend and comrade,
Cass

[erynmichel]

Hey Paul!
I instantly had an image of Job sitting by himself inspecting his boils fighting off bitterness by singing the truth of his situation.
Thank you for sharing yourself again!
Asking God to put his healing hand on your heart now, he truly love's each and every one of us.
Your friend and comrade,
Cass

Great allusion, Cass. And I’ll double down on those prayers with you. “Where two or more are gathered!”

[Markzilla]

I hope you're heart heals, my brother.

I really like Dark Side and I like the vocal as well. It's a very cool song. The vocal should be up higher in the mix for sure and I'd like to hear the rhythm guitar mix it up a little, change the riff just slightly here and there. Other than that, I really like this tune. Nice work!

[feaker66]

Hey Paul,

I hope your heart problems get resolved and your ticker keeps ticking for another 40 years or so, man! I like the energy of the song, but it would help to have the lyrics. Why don't you just post them to the soundcloud page?

Until then, rock on!!

Hi guy I only wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper and was too lazy to word process them. ha ha I finally got them on soundcloud. I'm workin on the heart thangy. Just very hard to figure out at this time. thanks for the listen bud

sincerely

Paul

[feaker66]

Hey Paul!
Sorry to hear about your health issues mate. I hope you are doing what the Doc says, and take it easy.
If you can, try not to get stressed and look at all the positives you have in life. Tough sometimes I know, but you can do it!
I like the track by the way but think the vocal needs to come up as some of the words seemed a little lost.
Take care sir.
Cheers/Steve

Hi Steve Yeah, I like the doc and he is on it I guess. I am not usually down at all. Just been a lot going on around here as of late. Next door neighbors 18 year old son committed sucicide acouple of days ago. Peaks and valleys I always tell my kids and grandkids.
Yeah, for some reason I am having trouble with that vocal level. I have a lot of guitar tracks competing. Will dig into that.
Good hearing from you bud

sincerely

Paul

[feaker66]

I'm so sorry to hear about your ticker, Paul! I'm glad you're still with us and still making tunes, especially rockin' ones.

Something about its construction reminded me vaguely of John Paul White's "What a Way to Go" from True Detective Season 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-ATcQGnzSg

I wonder if it would be worth it making a scaled down version of this track and keeping the edge on your vocals (which I really, really liked and wanted to see more prominently featured, although I love a good rock beat like the one you have here). Never hurts to experiment with two versions.

Slipknot did this with Vermillion a while back, which REALLY reminded me of your track:
Rock version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-VuiI_NP68
Scaled back version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej9DBgY_sxk
They modified the lyrics for the scaled back version, but kept the structure, the subject, the imagery, the main hook "I won’t let this build up inside of me," and the especially haunting final lines, "She isn’t real. I can’t make her real."

Rock on Paul!!
Eryn

wow Eryn, you really have great vision. I see lately you have been very helpful and positive to all here on the forum. I like the thought of a scaled down version. For the first time ever, I put an electric guitar plugin on my vocal. It is called ampire and is in my studio one daw.

I listened to the above tracks and could hear what you were comparing. I noticed that many don't sing right away. Then they talk??? ha ha But heyl, when you get a million hits, you must be doing something right...right?

Yes I will get back to the as soon as I get all this medical crap set up. btw I have died and revived twice in the last month, it's not such a bad thing. Nice meeting you:)

Sincerely

Paul