"Bigger Picture" (topic: Parental Super-vision ;) )

[simonsays]

I woke up with this this morning. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks. (I edited this. I added names to V2)

Song: "Bigger Picture"
Copyright Steve Simon 2013

(1st Verse)
1 My friends and me -- we loved to party
2 we did drugs ... recreationally
3 I used to think -- my Mom & Dad held me back
4 now I'm just glad they 'held me'!

(Pre-Chorus)
1 They'd say ...
2 Parents are blood
3 they're there for love

(Chorus)
1 We're here for 'The Bigger Picture'
2 when you're too close
3 to see things clear
4 there'll be times ... when we say no
5 that doesn't mean ... we don't love you dear
6 Trees can make you forest blind
7 Sometimes you can't see the city for the Hollywood sign
8 marry for love --- not for money
9 money's fine ...
10 but it can't buy back time

(2nd Verse)
1 My best friend Sarah she OD'd
2 and Danny died going too fast
3 seat belts were for everyone else
4 now I'm so glad I had you Mom & Dad!

(Repeat Pre-Chorus)
(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
1 Now I have a little daughter
2 and a loving husband of my own
3 how I hope I can get her ...
4 to see the 'Bigger Picture'
5 I don't want to see her dead
6 I want to see her grow

(Pre-Chorus)
1 So I tell her ...
2 Parents are blood
3 they're there for love

(Repeat Chorus)

[Kolstad]

I think the basic idea of a big picture is a solid ground to write from, Steve.

The format you've put up looks like a song plan, to write after, is that about right?
I would try to start with "The big picture" as a hook, write a chorus and then go from there.

It's an artistic choice, but I would probably try to position myself differently than the "all knowing" author, trying to keep folks off of drugs. That's sort of a truism, and maybe it's a bit hard to get emotional being told. More interesting/ stimulating imo could be the perspective why it's often so hard to get the big picture along our journeys. That writing position might result in a more universal lyric, where listeners (even your kid, if that's your driver for writing it) can recognize themselves in the struggle for a "big picture" life (keeping away from drugs)..

The content of the scenes you have might still work, I would just rewrite the lines to be either more specific, if the song is for a CD/artist or to focus more on the basic emotion, if it's for tv/film (to follow Robin Frederick's points on this).

Like this (artist version):

verse 1

Me and Jimmy, we used to paint the town
Rode high on Cocaine and then fell right down
Mom and Dad put up a fiery fight
And I used to wonder why

(tv/film version)

Verse 1

Having fun was our addiction
Sometimes it felt like bad fiction
No one could stop me
Now I don't fight no more

Just a couple writing examples, to illustrate my comment. More specific outside perspective for artist use, and more inside emotional for tv/film pitches.

I'd love to read what you think of my comment, and what you'll come up with next..

[simonsays]

I think the basic idea of a big picture is a solid ground to write from, Steve. I like it as a title/hook for that very reason.

The format you've put up looks like a song plan, to write after, is that about right?
This is a 1st draft. If that's what you're asking.
I would try to start with "The big picture" as a hook, write a chorus and then go from there.
I take it you don't like the current chorus very much then.

It's an artistic choice, but I would probably try to position myself differently than the "all knowing" author, trying to keep folks off of drugs. I'm not sure of my target for this, so I'll have to think on that.


That's sort of a truism, and maybe it's a bit hard to get emotional being told. More interesting/ stimulating imo could be the perspective why it's often so hard to get the big picture along our journeys. That writing position might result in a more universal lyric, where listeners (even your kid, if that's your driver for writing it) can recognize themselves in the struggle for a "big picture" life (keeping away from drugs).. The topic I had in mind was parental wisdom/guidance.

The content of the scenes you have might still work, I would just rewrite the lines to be either more specific, if the song is for a CD/artist or to focus more on the basic emotion, if it's for tv/film (to follow Robin Frederick's points on this). IMO I'm much better at humorous than heart wrenching, so either way I go ... It's going to be a lot of work. I think I'll add some names to V2 to make it more personable/less general.

Like this (artist version):

verse 1

Me and Jimmy, we used to paint the town
Rode high on Cocaine and then fell right down
Mom and Dad put up a fiery fight
And I used to wonder why

(tv/film version)

Verse 1

Having fun was our addiction
Sometimes it felt like bad fiction
No one could stop me
Now I don't fight no more

Just a couple writing examples, to illustrate my comment. More specific outside perspective for artist use, and more inside emotional for tv/film pitches.

I'd love to read what you think of my comment, and what you'll come up with next..

I think your critique was very helpful Magne. That, and right on point. Thank you! I need to go for either an artist or tv/film perspective. As a 1st draft I think this is too much in the middle. It reminds me of that quote from the 80's movie Karate Kid. The jist of it went something like this; "Karate do, Karate don't ... Karate middle of the road ... squashed toad!"