Coast to Coast

[teashea]

Here is a contemorary (maybe) country song I wrote. It was recorded at the Songwriter's Studio in Nashville (Steve Cooper). The vocals are by William Ray. I would appreciate your comments regardig pitchability as a contemporary country song.http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... 17672Coast to Coastc/ 2008 Thomas SheaThey met in Colorado;Suddenly an April showerFound two strangers standing face to face.She smiled; he just melted.Talking in that little shelter,They both knew what would be.She lived in LA County.He came from Carolina.What they both wanted the mostWas a love from coast to coast.Three thousand miles it seems,Depending on hopes and dreams,Connected by the love that they shared.But emails and telephone callsCannot replace it all; Could not replace a touch or kiss.She lived in LA County.He came from Carolina.What they both wanted the mostWas a love from coast to coast.Instrumental BreakWhat they wanted they could seeOne home and a familyThey had something to decide.California, Carolina -Choosing where life would find them,Or if they would drift apart.She lived in LA County.He came from Carolina.What they both wanted the mostWas a love from coast to coast.A little girl comes in from playingMommy the sky is rainingDaddy says the rain is our friend.She just smiles and tells her gentlyRain can grant all our wishesAfter all we’re Colorado girls.

[zoom]

Ok.... I'll say it. You don't have a chorus!Well, you do in the respect that you have a verse that you keep repeating like it should be a chorus, but unfortunately there's nothing melodically special about it. The contemporary country bar is really high here at Taxi, Tom... Other than that though, the production sounds great and has a really good feel to it. The lyrics may not have enough little twists and turns, but I'm no country expert by any means. So my thought is create an awesome chorus and you're well on your way...

[cameron]

Tom,Wow, this is almost a REALLY nice song! But Zoom's got it right-- the chorus sounds too much like the verses. If you could work on developing the hook-- and I don't think it would take much-- you'd have a great song. Put a pause in front of "coast to coast", and change the timing a bit to make it "was a love that would go...... [four-beat rest] from coast to coast" ("that would go" was just something I added to make the timing work). Right now you rush into the "coast to coast" hook and I think it would help to pause there to build a little suspense. Even though it's really cliched, these days almost every country song you hear on the radio has that pause before the lyrical hook.The lyrics are fine to me except the last verse. I think I get that they ended up together in Colorado and the little girl is their child, but I'm not sure it's clear (or gripping) enough. Great idea, just needs a bit more to pull at the heartstrings.The production and the feel of the song are really nice. Just fine tune the chorus to make it stand out and maybe make that last verse a heart-tugging bridge (although because of the key change it almost passes as a bridge now).I like it!Cameron

[deantaylor]

Tom,I like your story idea and the last 2 lines of the chorus are good. Ending up in Colorado is good idea. But, yes, you need a chorus. I also think the lyric needs to be quite a bit better to pitch it as contemp country. I think you need rhymes, better rhyming schemes. For example, in the first verse, you have no pure rhymes and only 1 psuedo ... melted, shelter. Also, more details (especially in v2 and v3) and wordplay help to make a more commercial country song.Hope that helps a little.DeanPS You might consider getting your rough drafts reviewed here in this forum before doing a studio demo. Don't worry if you can't sing that well. Or just post your lyric in the lyric review forum.

[hazineju]

hi Tom, i enjoyed the listen. they did some nice production at Songwriter's studio, too. i completely agree about the chorus not sounding at all like a chorus. it's true that the country listings have an extremely high bar and if the chorus isn't extremely strong and definable then i doubt it will get forwarded. i think the song has lots of potential and some very nice moments but i would definitely say go back and get that chorus to lift up and out of the melodic space it's sitting in right now.good luck!-juliet

[teashea]

I very much appreciate the comments. I understand your perspective on the chorus. Nice to have the feedback.ThanksTom

[orest]

Yes, I agree, think this is a very well produced song and well played - well sung!! But it needs a chorus, something to lift the song to the sky! If you do that I think you have a hit!

[jay10music]

TOM....Eveything is there Dude.... Sweet vocal...harmony....lyrics...production....Great song. JUST THROW A CHORUS ON ..And you'll be jammin...... Tom it's a sweet song.....And it's sung with a great country feel....I love it......Jay.........

[teashea]

Dean, I appreciate the idea of submitting worktapes here for review before a full demo. I know that you all are tolerant of a not-too-good voice but mine would test your tolerance on my best day....Tom

[sgs4u]

First of all welcome to Taxi. I just read your post on JPF. and I agree with everyone's comment that there is no chorus, yet. I'll even go this far Thomas,The guys that did this demo for you, ought to have told you that your chorus sounded too similar to your verse. That sucks, It's a very expensive oversight. You could actually transpose your "chorus" up 2 or 3 or 4 semitones, and it would have a wonderful lift, but you have to find a suitable musical device to transpose back down to your verse again. Although it is possible to do this transposing digitally, I would be doubtful that the quality of the resulting soundfile would be "broadcast quality," unfortunately. It's quite a good song demo, except for this strange choice of allowing the chorus to sound so similar to the verse. Don't hesitate to throw rough drafts up for these members tho. We all get naked once in a while, and it really helps avoid spending cash unneccessarily.