Collaboration feedback would be really cool

[Romeo Diego]

Hi All,

I have done my first full collaboration with a fellow Taxi member, Mellow D, he kindly provided lyrics for this song called "This is My City"

We have done a rough song structure and I was wondering what people think of the structure and potential....?

http://www.myspace.com/formerlywide

Thanks

RD

This is My City

I wonder why they build
these buildings so damn high?,
Cause when they're finished
they're always unoccupied.
That sport shop on the corner's
been closing down so long,
that all of their clothes
have come back in fashion...

Pre chorus:

Walking through the city
I find it hard to hide
from neon men with clipboards
and sorrow in their eyes.
Another coffee shop really
can not be beneficial
I overhear a preacher
tell the government official...

Pre chorus:

Every Pub is a club
and every club is a pub
it's just so hard to find love when all they sing about is guns

for every sinner theres a winner
in every sinner theres a winner
like the bum under the bridge
wathcing lights dance down river

chorus

but this is my city
therse are her skies she aint that pretty
but neither am I
together we hope
forever we dream
these are my people
these are my streets

pre chorus

chorus


Selling penny sweets
wooden toys and tie-dyed clothes
The Harris Arcade's a place
where no one ever goes.
Down Mandela street
you can buy a bag of peace
but don't go there on Friday
unless you work for the police...

Every pub is a club
and every club is a pub
it's just so hard to find love
when all they sing about's guns..

For every winner there's a sinner
In every sinner there's a winner.
Oh,to be a bum under bridge
watching lights dance down river...

This is my city
these are her skies.
She ain't that pretty
but neither am I.
Together we hope,
forever we dream.
These are my people.

These are my streets...

[thokus]

Awesome... You cant go wrong collabin with mellow D ... and Vice versa.. Thats a totally cool song ...You guys have a hit there ... The whistleing could use some work ... But I love the simple instrumentation and the build at the end .. soooo cool.. Thanks for that..
Tom

[Mellow D]

I'm so glad you like it Tom.

I like the arrangement too it has a really chilled feel but kinda creeps up on ya.

Nice one Romeo.

Mellow

[feaker66]

What a fun ride.

Very unique sound/production.

Like when it breaks to "this is my city"

Also like the raw feel.

Congrats to both of you, this might fly.

Paul

[Romeo Diego]

Hi Paul, Tom,

Thank you for the feedback will tighten up the mix. So I gues the arrangement is good and a rigged accoustic feel works, but wee need to obvioisly record this properly.


Many thanks

Romeo.

[deantaylor]

Hey Guys,

I like it so far. It's got good potential. Keep going.

Thought the 'fashion' line fell a bit flat .. might need a rhyme there or another way of singing it.

Dean