Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

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denalihighway
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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by denalihighway » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:13 am

Wow guys, amazing stuff.

I looked at this thread last night and a bit too and tired overwhelmed to respond properly. Thanks everyone for taking the time. Glad it seems to be going in the right direction. Its great cuz I have a good feeling about this tune and have big plans for it.

To sum up the lyrics suggestions - there are some great ones, a couple that I will definitely use, a couple that kinda work and I'll adjust, then there are just some lines in the song that I'm pretty married to (You know how it is!) and that I will work into the song better phrasing wise.

Regarding the genre / production (Mr Lewitt you were right in the big production idea), so the plan is I'm going to put down a contemporary hybrid pop/electronic percussion bed, with acoustic guitars, some ear candy, and then big gospel choruses with multiple vocalists. By then I dunno what genre it'll be... neo gospel ???? :) I really dunno if I'm up to the vocal, but I'll give it a shot. I don't want me slowing down a good song. But of course we all like to be on our own records.

@Burpo - thanks man, yeah I'm not great an pinning down the genre...this also will sound very different when I redo it.
@Mikeymike - cheers bud
@JL - good stuff thanks. Well I guess, like they say, people write about what they know about right? It might be hard to tell, because the theme seems profoundly negative, but it also addresses the fact that love just takes people down, in a good way too...its just very invasive.
@Lyricsmatter- great stuff - some keepers in there.
@Paul - thanks man, I'm too proud to put a really rough demo :) - this is first track i ever did in Logic so used it as an experiment. So I got to grips with aux tracks, brought in my favourite verbs into Space Designer etc and then mastered it pretty hot. I use a Rode NT1A - cardioid pattern for this one. I played it like I would, but didn't do any editing the git and obviously the vocal is very loose.
@Les - thats a good spot on the "Love Kills The Brightest Stars" line - i wrestled with that a lot - trying to replicate the pattern of line1 in the chorus like you say. Repetition n all that. I'll have a look at that. Thanks.
@Jimmy - thanks a mill man - I'm gonna redo the whole thing with a banging production hopefully - actually I'm going to approach someone to do the percussion bed, so hopefully 'they' are interested in a collab! I could give it a good shot, but it'll take a while and I want it really good for this. Best left to the experts.
@Ethan - cheers bud - yup big production all the way!
@Mike - really appreciate you taking the time for that. Some good stuff to consider there. I wouldn't be a fan of the "It's gonna break yours, too", i feel like that's quite banal and I would rather something weird than cliched in these circumstances, for better or worse! But I like the way you've dissected it. My feelings on some of it is, if I was going for, say, an top40 pop song artist pitch I'd definitely be more obsessive about syllables etc. There are some rules that shouldn't be broken there. But if I'm feeling like I have a line that flows and that's interesting, as long as its not too contrasting with the previous stuff, I wouldn't be as obsessed with editing syllables etc, since there are too many examples of good songs that don't fit the mold perfectly. But great comments overall and very helpful. especially regarding keep things consistent etc. I did try to stay on track thematically from verse to verse but perhaps it wavers. This is definitely a track I want to be accessible, but also one I just decided I wanted to really express myself on. I have to do that on at least some of the stuff I work on...or else I shall go mad. (more mad).

Whew...seriously, you guys are awesome. But I already knew that. Thanks. Hopefully in less than ten years i'll be posting the finished track :)
Gar

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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by LyricsMatter » Mon Sep 21, 2015 9:03 am

Hi Gar,

So glad to be helpful...the pleasure was mine. If I may add, for what it’s worth, I hope you don’t overthink the line "Love Kills The Brightest Stars" too arduously - it’s a good line. The chorus benefits from this line both in your vocal delivery of the line and the truth the line conveys. It’s a keeper, in my opinion.

Love breaks the hardest hearts
It gets inside and pulls ‘em apart
Love kills the brightest stars
And you won’t even know what hit you


Again, a really promising song! All the best with it!
Lyrics Matter

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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by SteveJCurtis » Mon Sep 21, 2015 9:26 am

Great posts and ideas already. Good lyric ideas going on. I hear it really rockin', and I bet you'll have a lot of fun with it.
Best/Steve

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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by nylyrics » Mon Sep 21, 2015 9:42 am

Gar:

Excuse me for not reading through all of the comments but two things came to mind -

Slice - sounded almost too harsh - maybe Cut into you


and Love Breaks the hardest hearts
It gets inside and pulls IT apart.

I kind of think YOU instead of it.

Nice one of kind work bro. Best of luck with this.

Andy

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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by lesmac » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:21 pm

it's all subjective but great to see what different people come up with. BTW a few of my songs contain the word 'just'. :D
Looking forward to hear the song worked up.

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Re: Comment on lyrics & arrangement? New Indie/Folk demo

Post by denalihighway » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:50 am

Hey again,

i'm nearly finished rewriting this ditty - thanks again for all the cool comments.

@mikemichnya - your comments about the bridge and the lyrics not adding anything interesting / new really hit home and I looked at it and although I liked the lyrics, you were right.

Its an area of the song I wanted to nail and I wondered how you felt about it now?

I guess I've introduced a development of the theme, in the idea of presenting the protagonist (or whomever) with the idea of just submitting to love and accepting that it may be great or it may be a disaster. A resolution of sorts. I was trying to come up an original simile in doing so. I don't want say anything that's been said before.

If you stop your fighting
Maybe you will see you’ve been missing out
There’s no point in hiding
Love is just a wheel that will please itself
It can take / drive you to heaven or straight to your death


Thanks :)
Gar

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