I looked at this thread last night and a bit too and tired overwhelmed to respond properly. Thanks everyone for taking the time. Glad it seems to be going in the right direction. Its great cuz I have a good feeling about this tune and have big plans for it.
To sum up the lyrics suggestions - there are some great ones, a couple that I will definitely use, a couple that kinda work and I'll adjust, then there are just some lines in the song that I'm pretty married to (You know how it is!) and that I will work into the song better phrasing wise.
Regarding the genre / production (Mr Lewitt you were right in the big production idea), so the plan is I'm going to put down a contemporary hybrid pop/electronic percussion bed, with acoustic guitars, some ear candy, and then big gospel choruses with multiple vocalists. By then I dunno what genre it'll be... neo gospel ????

@Burpo - thanks man, yeah I'm not great an pinning down the genre...this also will sound very different when I redo it.
@Mikeymike - cheers bud
@JL - good stuff thanks. Well I guess, like they say, people write about what they know about right? It might be hard to tell, because the theme seems profoundly negative, but it also addresses the fact that love just takes people down, in a good way too...its just very invasive.
@Lyricsmatter- great stuff - some keepers in there.
@Paul - thanks man, I'm too proud to put a really rough demo

@Les - thats a good spot on the "Love Kills The Brightest Stars" line - i wrestled with that a lot - trying to replicate the pattern of line1 in the chorus like you say. Repetition n all that. I'll have a look at that. Thanks.
@Jimmy - thanks a mill man - I'm gonna redo the whole thing with a banging production hopefully - actually I'm going to approach someone to do the percussion bed, so hopefully 'they' are interested in a collab! I could give it a good shot, but it'll take a while and I want it really good for this. Best left to the experts.
@Ethan - cheers bud - yup big production all the way!
@Mike - really appreciate you taking the time for that. Some good stuff to consider there. I wouldn't be a fan of the "It's gonna break yours, too", i feel like that's quite banal and I would rather something weird than cliched in these circumstances, for better or worse! But I like the way you've dissected it. My feelings on some of it is, if I was going for, say, an top40 pop song artist pitch I'd definitely be more obsessive about syllables etc. There are some rules that shouldn't be broken there. But if I'm feeling like I have a line that flows and that's interesting, as long as its not too contrasting with the previous stuff, I wouldn't be as obsessed with editing syllables etc, since there are too many examples of good songs that don't fit the mold perfectly. But great comments overall and very helpful. especially regarding keep things consistent etc. I did try to stay on track thematically from verse to verse but perhaps it wavers. This is definitely a track I want to be accessible, but also one I just decided I wanted to really express myself on. I have to do that on at least some of the stuff I work on...or else I shall go mad. (more mad).
Whew...seriously, you guys are awesome. But I already knew that. Thanks. Hopefully in less than ten years i'll be posting the finished track

Gar