Comments on rewrite/updating please.

[swdaze]

Hi guys so I decided to tackle a song that has always bugged me one of my classic 2 chord songs that goes on and on. I redid the verse lyrics using the more modern pattern I hear on the examples and used the break as a prechorus.
I also tried to give a more modern instrument sweep but that's still a work in progress.
Singer's first time with it no rehearsal so the melody is still being worked on.
Guitar parts are chopped up (or digital) will redo.

Mostly happy with the verses, do the prechoruses work? The 3rd is reworked on the lyric sheet.

Both versions and the latest lyrics posted below thanks!!

THIS LIFE V1
https://www.taxi.com/members/kFrx_Q6OQc ... is-life-v1

THIS LIFE V2
https://www.taxi.com/members/kFrx_Q6OQc ... is-life-v2


THIS LIFE GEO 2021

Been over this all right up to the fall
Like a thousand times or more
The end was in Jersey no one to hold me
As I tried to close the door

I tried and tried
Tried to understand
But it would never
Never never be the same again
This life
Gonna need some therapy.

Momma always told me she tried to warn me
Things are not as they seem
So as I faced all my fears was she really lying there
Shivering in her dream

I tried and tried
Tried to understand
But it would never
Never never be the same again
This life
Gonna need some therapy


I stood on the precipice contemplating all of this
And trying not to fall
I didn’t have a plan just a cell phone in my hand
But no one left to call
The world keeps turning
The sun will shine again
It’s OK to love you and love you
And still not understand
This life
Gonna need some therapy

[RickBourassa]

I think the song has potential.

I like the way the prechorus and chorus flow the second and third time through. The first time it seems cut off...

(Pre Chorus)
I tried and tried
Tried to understand
But it would never
Never never be the same again

(Chorus)
This life
Gonna need some therapy (Perhaps repeat this line the way you did the second and third time thorough)
Gonna need some therapy

[AlanHall]

There's a good song in there, thanks for sharing!
I got a real sense of the song's flow and momentum (I listened to V2 only!) and it seems natural - works for me, anyway. I don't know if the "Jersey" reference is in anyway related to Asbury Park; I sure thought so
Lyrically/melodically you emphasize the word understand - I'd suggest that it become the title or a significant part of the title, as that's the word I come away with after first listen. Maybe Tried to understand (this life) or something.

Alan

[swdaze]

I think the song has potential.

I like the way the prechorus and chorus flow the second and third time through. The first time it seems cut off...

(Pre Chorus)
I tried and tried
Tried to understand
But it would never
Never never be the same again

(Chorus)
This life
Gonna need some therapy (Perhaps repeat this line the way you did the second and third time thorough)
Gonna need some therapy

Thanks for the listen Rick! We didn't have the backups going in the first chorus which worked in the original but the chorus is different in V2. I added them in and uploaded the new mix. Do you think it helps? I trying to avoid repeating the whole chorus as I like the transition into the second verse.

Thanks again! Geo

[swdaze]

There's a good song in there, thanks for sharing!
I got a real sense of the song's flow and momentum (I listened to V2 only!) and it seems natural - works for me, anyway. I don't know if the "Jersey" reference is in anyway related to Asbury Park; I sure thought so
Lyrically/melodically you emphasize the word understand - I'd suggest that it become the title or a significant part of the title, as that's the word I come away with after first listen. Maybe Tried to understand (this life) or something.

Alan

Thanks for the listen Alan! No unfortunately this isn't referencing Asbury Park but I do have one that does .
Like a lot of my songs this is autobiographical I wrote it 20 years ago after losing my parents (separately, naturally, all good) and coming to terms with it. I'm finally happy with the direction the song is going in. I like your thoughts on the title I was thinking "TO UNDERSTAND THIS LIFE". maybe... funny we literally just changed the title.

Thanks again!! Geo

[RickBourassa]

I think the song has potential.

I like the way the prechorus and chorus flow the second and third time through. The first time it seems cut off...

(Pre Chorus)
I tried and tried
Tried to understand
But it would never
Never never be the same again

(Chorus)
This life
Gonna need some therapy (Perhaps repeat this line the way you did the second and third time thorough)
Gonna need some therapy

Thanks for the listen Rick! We didn't have the backups going in the first chorus which worked in the original but the chorus is different in V2. I added them in and uploaded the new mix. Do you think it helps? I trying to avoid repeating the whole chorus as I like the transition into the second verse.

Thanks again! Geo

The new version definitely flows better.