Country Lyrics

[jwebbinspired]

I'm co-writing this song with a guy I met through NSAI. I wanted to see if I could get some feedback on the lyrics. I think we're close, but not quite.I have a basic melody, but I'm trying to improve that, and I'll post it in the peer review at a later time.Any feedback would be appreciated.~Andy“Men Stand Tall”Copyight 2008 Andrew Scott Wills/Christopher Sholar<v1>He’s wearing a uniform,In the pictures on the wall,He didn’t want to go,But he answered the call,I never met him,Never shook his calloused hand,But he taught me,How to be a man,<c>Men stand tall,When duty calls,Men would lay down their lives,For freedom's rights,Men ask God for guidance,Aren't afraid of silence,When other's crawl,Men stand tall,<v2>I grew up hearing the story,Of when his plane went down,In enemy territory,He survived somehow,"God hasn't let me down,"Was his only remark,When standing tall and proud,Receiving his Purple Heart,<v3>Standing at attention,My eye catches the flag,That red, white and blue,Has a steep price tag,A lot of brave heros,Kept this liberty in tact,Passing me the torch,Just like my Granddad

[lyricboy]

Wow.I like it. Great structure. Good chance at commercial viability, IMO.I'll offer my nits and suggestions for what they're worth. Tiny, and maybe only stylistic differences. Feel free to ignore.Chorus, line 3: I think WILL instead of WOULD reads strongerV2: Just cadence suggestionsI grew up hearing the story, [I grew up with the story,]Of when his plane went down, [Of when his plane went down.]In enemy territory, [Enemy territory,]He survived somehow, [But he survived somehow.]"God hasn't let me down," Was his only remark, When standing tall and proud, [And he stood tall and proud,]Receiving his Purple Heart, [When he received his Purple Heart.]V3:Standing at attention, My eye catches the flag,That red, white and blue,Has a steep price tag, [Don't come without a price tag (or - Comes with a price tag)]A lot of brave heros,Kept this liberty in tact, [Provide the liberty we have (or Keep our liberty in tact)]Passing me the torch,Just like my GranddadSorry! I don't know how to make my suggestions line up in a column.Hope that doesn't come across as trying to rewrite you. Just trying to give the feedback as I see it.Keep up the good work.

[matthoggard]

Andy,Good lyrics and structure. This story has been done ALOT so make sure you guys are saying in the most unique way you can. Other writers sites I visit are FULL of "soldier goes to war" songs. Make it stand out!M~

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks lyric boy. I am taking most of your suggestions. Especially the ones regarding the time stamp of the verse, I always tend to have flashbacks and flash forwards mixed with first person from a third person view....or something like that.I am trying to add more detail into the verses too. To make it stand out more. It's gonna have to have a killer melody to survive the market. You're so right Matt, it needs to really, really be a great song. Soldier songs are so common, especially now. It's like an old record.I will post an update soon. Thanks guys.Andy

[momof4]

i agree with Matt...you need some kind of twist or really unique angle or imagery to make this stand out. but you've got the story down! oh, and speaking of "down", this is way minor, but the use of the word "down" in the second verse at the end of two lines (within the same verse) just kind of bugged me. but maybe it's not as noticeable when it's sung? anyhoo, good luck!erin

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Erin. I thought I had a surprise at the end in a way because I never reveal who this guy is until the last line. But apparently that's not enough of a twist. I guess a "granddad" would be the natural guess. Now that you've pointed that out it's buggin me too. Great. lol How about if I changed it to "God never left me hanging"

[momof4]

or make it "God's", as in "God has" never left me hanging. works for me!