Country Song Lyrics 2

[unsygnedhype]

some more lyrics...feedback pleaseVerse 1:Well imma make a new attempt to try'an succeeddrop all of this hate open my mouth and achievedebate the humangation of 'a senseless degreelook out whose coming up next time ta challange meVerse 2:We got too many maniulative socialable lieslook back justa minute and make a second trya visions in the words and all those things they denytranslate the truth first and then watch it fly...watch it flyVerse 3:We got too much drama making-- overseastoo much of something and deception you seeits time to make'a change on this, do you agree?learn to do good and help everybody you seeI will be working on a chorus...and will post it up when completed.Mack

[matthoggard]

Hey Mack.Reading this im thinking its way too abstract for current country music. I think you need to simplify and get to the point. In country, im finding that you have to spell everything out. Tell us why you have hate. What are the manipulative social lies? What vision is in the words? And what things do the words deny?I see 3 or 4 song ideas in this one lyric. Im sorry but I have no idea what "humangation of a senseless degree means.Think conversational. Think about a couple of people talkin over coffee or sittin havin a beer or a guy who just met a girl in a bar. How would they or you discuss these ideas you have written down. If you were gonna tell a great story to someone, wouldnt you give details and emellishments and vivid images so that they can really get lost in your story?Your rhyming scheme seems more like poetry. It doesnt have to be so rigid. Loosen up!Let the ideas fly and then decide how you can make those lyrics into a "3 minute movie" as someone much better than me stated on here once.Pick your favorite line out of these lyrics, the strongest words and write a song just around that idea.Keep on puttin the words down youll see it develop.M~