Disco track - I'm Walkin

[NathanNasby]

I always forget about the lyric lovers thread. I posted this in peer to peer as there is a demo for it, but I'll post it here for any constructive criticism I can get on the lyric. Does it work and how is the flow? If you do listen to the sample you are going to have to listen past the really quickly/badly recorded vocals were done. I literally spent 20 minutes recording these so I had a demo to post for people. I know sometimes it's hard to critique lyrics when you don't get the musical context, especially with rap and how it relates to the flow of the music. So, before I spend time building and polishing these lyrics, what do you think? Thanks for any thoughts and input.


http://chameleon1.bandcamp.com/track/im-walkin

Verse 1

There they are
Doesn't matter where I'm at
They are never too far
I could be a nobody
Or a hot rock star
They're the critics
The haters
The trash illuminators
Toss you in the ring to dance
And then they rate us
Even on the crest of a wave
Those Davy Jones don't have time to rave
They wanna send my boneses down to a watery grave
I was a slave
Thinking that the dreams they verbally shattered
Really mattered
Am I really worth your time I'm flattered (I'm flattered)
Nah, I'm wiser now as I'm gettin older
Learning life's too short so I'm livin it bolder
Now the critics race and chase to keep pace
Haha I don't even look over my shoulder

Chorus

I'm walkin x4
La di da dat dat dat
Shoobiddy do

Break 1

Keep watchin Mmmm
Cos I'm gonna make this look good!

Verse 2

Spotlight cameras, Lookin for attention
Feel good hear did I happen to mention
The La di da da that was my invention
And aimin to please was my only intention
Ascension has it's own price to pay
And the stormy weather gonna have it's day
Remember climbing that ladder to fame
There's always someone waitin there to smear your name

So go ahead brother you can throw the dirt
You gonna get your hands dirty when you're doing that work
That guy with a smirk
Doing the shadow lurk
Only ever getting kicks from the level of hurt
That he's causin
But let's take a minute to pause and
Acknowledge it all with a yawn and
Reflect much less then move on and
Yeah you heard me right I'm walking

Break 2 before last chorus

Yeah, feels good, like walkin in sunshine.

Chorus

I'm walkin x8
La di da dat dat dat
Shoobiddy do

[songmaster]

Hey Nathan

Great tune, I had fun listening to this one. I love the chorus, it is very solid and catchy. How you managed to sing all those lyrics without getting a speeding ticket is amazing!!

I wish you all the best with this one.

Tom.

[rdance]

i know little about this style of music or how to critique it...but i do know i like your tune!

[NathanNasby]

lol - love the speeding ticket line ! Thanks guys. I'm just in the process of fleshing out this track, so I'll be sure to post the master when It's exactly how I want it. Really appreciate the encouraging comments!

It's funny, this is a collaboration track with a good producer friend of mine from Norway. Initially he asked me to write the lyrics and he was going to get a rapper from there to do the vox. I sent him the lyrics and the demo. 3 days later I got a skype call from him and he said he gave up, his rapper couldn't spit out all the words fast enough to make it sound clean so he asked me to lay down the vox as well ! Guess we Canucks know how to rap. You know what's really funny, my great great grandfather emigrated from Norway . I guess they exported some of the rapping gene pool !

[LooknGlass]

I really enjoyed this man, great tune and the singing was well done to. Very good work.