Do you agree with this feedback?

[Casey H]

Post Edit Note: If you can, please read my follow up posts on the thread before responding...

Let me start off by saying I know returns are part of the process and it doesn't matter to me all that much if this one submission is a forward or not. Screeners like everyone else have different perspectives and I'm used to that now. I've learned to take returns in stride now and move on to the next one.

My (only) question in this post is: Do you agree with the feedback on the lyrics here? That was given as the main reason for return. Two previous custom reviews were fairly positive on the lyrics, one especially so on the verse dialogue. I felt this review was a lot different than the previous ones. Again, just asking about the lyric feedback here…

I like this groove—especially in the chorus. However, perhaps the words can paint a more emotionally connection. What is this about? A long term relationship? Ummmmm. What does that feel like? What do two people do during that type of relationship. I remember nearly forgetting what my girlfriend looked like. I remember that moment when I started to feel the separation taken its tole when the conversations got shorter and shorter and "she had to go." I remember feeling sick to my stomach when she said she was going out to a party with some friends I could almost feel the rage of jealousy as I waited by the phone to all types of odd hours till the phone rang. Etc, etc, etc. If you are going to paint a picture, paint it well. Use color, smells, and tastes. NOTE: If I am completely off here and this is not about a long term relationship, that states another problem. You want to be sure that your customer receives your message appropriately or you are not running effectively as a company (i.e., a band, songwriter, etc). Okay, enough. Please see the overall comments.

Overall Comments
Charles, may I please suggest that you...

1) paint your lyrics with smells, tastes, feels, and sounds. This will increase your chances of getting placed.

In rock, my impression is lyrics don’t have to tell a story with the extreme level of clarity or imagery that a song such as a country song would. That doesn’t mean they don’t have to good or can’t be better. This was for an alt-rock film/TV listing. Actually, if it was considered off-target for alt-rock I would have understood. It was noted as on-target.

In a custom review, in response to my direct question as on the lyrics (I asked if they were confusing), the screener said:

…I also don't think that the lyrics are confusing. It's very clear to me, and even if it isn't immediately clear to some listeners that's ok. There are some great songs that change perspective a number of times and are very unclear. Sometimes it's nice to discover the meaning of a song over time or for it to even be up to interpretation. You don't need to spell it out any more than you do.

Another reviewer said "very clever lyrics". The negative comment I've gotten in the past from screeners on the lyrics has been that the chorus is a little cliche and doesn't live up to the more interesting verse lyrics. On verse 2, a screrener said "love it!"...

The song and lyrics are at:
http://www.caseysongs.com/music-5.html

Thanks
Casey

[Casey H]

bump

[guitaroboe]

Hey man,
maybe the screener was overzealous. Your track is great and the lyrics are spot on.
I don't think it's the kind of tune that needs 'deep digging' lyrics at all. Having said that, I don't
imply that your story in the lyrics is not happening. To my ears, it's just right.
my two cents
regards
Adonis

[Casey H]

Thanks Adonis,
That means a lot to me, especially coming from someone with your impressive background.

Casey

[DorothyWallace]

Casey,

I like your lyrics. I have had the same experience. I think it depends on which screener you get. I'm waiting to get the same screener who like my song in the custom critique to be the one listening to the song when I submit it. It has to happen eventually.

Dorothy

[Casey H]

I realized I forgot to post the actual listing... To be fair, that's always a key element in the forward/return decision and that always should be posted in a situation like this.

This was very high bar. Please understand if you are reading my post, that I think the song could have been rejected for this high bar listing for lots of reasons. However this reviewer said it was "fine for an alt rock listing" and the lyrics were the only thing focused on. If the reason for return had been: off target, chorus not strong enough, chorus lyric too cliche, or pretty much anything else I wouldn't be posting about it.

Casey

S100325AR
ALTERNATIVE ROCK SONGS in the wide, wide range of Weezer, Foo Fighters, Kings of Leon, etc., are wanted by the Director of Music at an L.A. based Music Library/Publisher with current MAJOR film and TV placements (e.g. Film: Twilight, I Love You, Man, He's Just Not That Into You, Television: Ugly Betty, True Blood, 90210, and many more). He is only looking for "record label quality music" meaning that the bar is very high on this one. You must own 100% of your song. Vocal and instrumental performance must be top-notch! Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. Photo and bio are optional but it's a good idea to include them in the submission because the company does feature the artists they use on their web site. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Thursday, March 25, 2010. TAXI #S100325AR

[rnrmachine]

Well, first thing I have to say about this is.. that guy needs to realize not everyone feels jealousy at the end of a relationship, even if it is the girl that is leaving the guy. I know I was sad but jealous? No, I was SICK of her BS and although LONELY as hell when we split, I was also happy to be out of that sickening relationship (I did leave her, but it was because I knew she was going to cheat if she had not already... LONG story). Anyway, THIS song would relate to me a MILLION times better then many songs about love and crap. When I started suspecting her and seeing the signs, at first I wondered... and I just making this up in my head? Am I seeing signs or Truth about where I think she is right now? I certainly couldn't relate to that guy and his jealous rage. Unless you are talking back when I was under 21.

He was probably singing Guns and Roses to himself.. "I used to love her.. hmm yea, but I had to kill her!!" HAHAHA

Personally, I think it should have been put through and let the people who put the ad with Taxi decide, but maybe they had plenty to send (/shrug). Unless they were really strict about what they wanted.

It would truly bother me as well Casey, especially after doing the paid critiques. This is a perfect example of why Taxi should put in something like... "Get another screener to listen to your song for the listing and make double sure that Taxi felt it wasn't good enough for the listing... type thing. They could call it, "Double Check" and charge like $20 so people would really make sure they whole heartily disagreed with it before doing it. AND they would screen it again with another screener and make sure that they agree it shouldn't have gone.

this is getting annoying.. continuing on a new post... read next post of mine for the rest...

[rnrmachine]

...continued...
I can think of many songs with a much more vague meaning. Not to meantion the many songs that really don't have a meaning in many genres. AFTER reading the actual listing I can see the "Record Label Quality" and I would guess that is the main reason it wasn't forwarded. I could hear this song in many situations in Film/TV though so I am not sure where you actually went wrong.

The lyrics though are a bit poor in the "well defined area". I am not sure which girl you are talking about at which time... Who is "she" at the end? Are you singing this to the X or the current? I am assuming there is a current and an X with the way it is written.

Now we’re friends
We found each other
Pointing and clicking
At former lovers (present tense, you are with a friend talking about past lovers)

From what I see
You haven’t changed much
Always pretty
With perfect makeup (this leads me to believe, this friend you are with, is an X or someone you knew in the past now we can assume the friend is female)

We’re up late at night
Chatting ‘bout our lives
My imagination runs wild (safe to assume not on the phone since verse 2 states seeing the person, but jumping to, my imagination runs wilds leaves a lot out here. SO the chorus becomes.. what is going on? Is this person a girlfriend or what? I thought this person was your friend you were talking ABOUT X lovers with?)

(Chorus 1)
‘Cos you’re so close to me
A million miles away
I can almost see
The words leaving your face
Is it fantasy
Is it real

My memory of you
Is so one dimensional
I kept it that way
Very intentional (so now.. what happened?, verse 2 ends with you two together but verse 1 stated Now we're friends etc.. then in verse 2 "You" becomes that friend that hasn't changed much. So I can see where he gets lost. Is this your friend or a girlfriend or both? a girl from the past that is now a friend but then why is your imagination running wild?)

A thumbnail blows
The whole perspective
Very small
But so effective (I don't get this at all, now I feel retarded for not getting it. I can guess it is because the reality of your thumbnail brought you back from your imagination running wild? But what about the thumbnail brought you back? That should probably be what is said here.)

The reminiscing ends
We’re back to present tense
Are my thoughts better left unsaid? (now I start to think.. ok, when did we leave present tense, during the reminiscing? The only reminiscing I saw was you two pointing and clicking at former lovers. Not sure if I would call that reminiscing BUT also, IF you are going to claim you have been reminiscing then you need to set that up a bit better. "Are my thoughts better left unsaid" fits really well whay I have took this song as from the lyrics I didn't pick apart)

Repeat chorus 1

Your life with him’s probably fine
And I’m thinking that mine
Might be alright
But she’s not you (Ok, now, she's not you I assume is you letting us know you have a current girlfriend but you are still hung up on this X.. that is now a friend? I can only assume because it is so vague)

Instrumental

(Chorus 2)
Cos you're so close to me
A million miles away
I can almost hear
What I want you to say
Is it fantasy
Is it real (What is it you want to hear her say? I love you and I want to get back with you? If so then this needs to be much more creatively written, such as........ continuing post on another post, I hate the way this crap bounces and you can't see what you are typing.

[Casey H]

Thanks John
It bothers me more from the POV of whether many other pros would react this way, not the one listing, one return, or Taxi's model. I think Taxi's model works very well. Nothing's perfect 100%, all the time.

I hope we don't get into any discussions here about how Taxi's model might be different, suggestions to change Taxi, etc. The truth is, if someone feels strongly enough that a review was way off, they can contact Taxi about it. They don't have to pay them extra- they will take a look at it.... That is, as long as someone is not a jerk about it, arguing about every return, being abusive in demeanor, etc.

Just a note that I don't agree with this:

Personally, I think it should have been put through and let the people who put the ad with Taxi decide, but maybe they had plenty to send (/shrug). Unless they were really strict about what they wanted.

Taxi can't forward and let the client decide if they don't think it meets the bar. Their whole value to the client is the screening and this would compromise that.

Edit: I just read your 2nd post. Appreciate the input. This was a very high bar listing where it said label quality was required so I very much recognize that the screener's comments were in the context of the listing and that could explain a lot about this review.

Casey

[rnrmachine]

... continued...
I can almost hear what I want you to say, is it fantasy or is it real? This line is very bad in the sense... IF you can ALMOST hear it then why would there be a question of real or fantasy. You didn't actually hear it so.. it's fantasy, no question about it. I also think you need to put "but" in the chorus, some songs work better without it and leaving it to assumption, this song does not imho. So I think it should be wrriten more like.

Cos you're so close to me
but a million miles away (just sung very softly is key here, it can be fit in easily)
I can see your lips
Say the words I ache to hear (I just added dying to make it more emotional)
Is it Fantasy
or is it real

The same thing needs to be done to the other chorus as well.

I can almost hear
The words I want you to say
I know it's fantasy
it's not real

I know I did them backwards.. sorry I tend to do stuff like that. I think it works better this way, the choruses anyway. I don't expect you to use these but feel free to if you want to. I am just trying to help refine them a little. I just have a big problem with "the words leaving your face" it's just odd to me and I wanted to change that too.

Also, the vocal starting the song off almost has a folk/country vibe to it.

I am sorry for being so nit picky but I think this song is worth it. When I listen to other peoples music (I try like hell to do it with my own) I try to pretend I am the most anul retentive record exec in the industry.. then go from there LOL

Rob