Don't Understand my Return Reason

[Robsheffer]

Hi, I recently submitted a track "So Much More" (should be public on my TAXI page) to listing Y190923SH. I'm fairly new to TAXI, and I don't know if there's a way to view archived listings- if anyone knows how to do this please let me know and I'll post the listing verbatim. But I'll do my best to summarize the listing: call for dark/sad/emotional singer/songwriter track. Male, Female, or duet vocals. Stripped down track is preferred (acoustic guitar and voice is sufficient, light instrumentation if any more is needed). Setting is for a feature film scene featuring a single mother struggling with substance abuse and considering suicide. Reference track is "Shallow" (Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper). As usual, keep the vibe of the song, no specific lyrics, don't actually copy the song in any way, don't try to write the scene. I know there's always an inherent bias in summarizing a listing, but I'm doing my best to be honest about it. Again, please let me know if there's a way I can look it up exactly. The listing was due 9/23/19 and I received my return today (10/11/19), if that helps.

This is only my second submission to a TAXI Listing (like I said, I'm new) and I definitely was not expecting to get the gig- I know I have a lot to learn and I'm sure I'll make a ton of mistakes before succeeding. But the reason for my return reeeeeeaaally doesn't make sense to me. I have the utmost respect for the screeners at TAXI and I recognize that they're experts and I'm not- and that they have a larger perspective for the final use than I do. But I really must be missing something here and I'd love some input. Here was my return reason:

"You did a good job keeping the tone and vibe relevant to the referenced song but I don't hear a lyric or hook that identifies with the spot we're targeting."

I hope you'll consider listening to the track on my page, but for ease I'll post the lyrics here:

► Show Spoiler

You try to wash the pain away,
But you only push it deeper.
You never know just what to say,
But everyday you’re feeling weaker.

And a thousand little moments led to where you are right now.
And when you’re standing on the cliffside, the only way you see is down.

You wanted so much more than empty hands and bloodshot eyes.
You fought for so much more than all this pain, this broken life.
Your heart has been through war, but you cover up the scars of this life.

A dozen people by your side,
But somehow you’re alone.
‘Cause they can’t see it through your eyes,
So you’ll do it on your own.

And a thousand little moments led to where you are right now.
And when you’re standing on the cliffside, the only way you see is down.

You wanted so much more than empty hands and bloodshot eyes.
You fought for so much more than all this pain, this broken life.
Your heart has been through war, but you cover up the scars of this life.
Of this life-

Ooh
Ooh

And a thousand little moments led to where you are right now.
And when you’re standing on the cliffside, the only way you see is down.

You wanted so much more than empty hands and bloodshot eyes.
You fought for so much more than all this pain, this broken life.
Your heart has been through war, but you cover up the scars of this life.

I would understand if the return said that my recording ability isn't up to scratch, or my performance wasn't good enough- or the lyrics just weren't good enough, or if there was a particular imagery they were looking for... but I custom wrote the lyrics/song specifically for this listing (obviously not trying to specifically mention a single mother struggling with substance abuse and considering suicide, but rather trying to get in the head of what that person might be thinking). I was honestly baffled and had to read the return reason a few times. But I don't see how the lyrics would "not identify with the listing..."

Am I just too close to this to see that it doesn't fit? Or does the return mean something different from what I'm reading? I'd just love anyone else's objective opinion and I'd love any idea of what I could have done better. Thanks as always for your perspective.

[Tunesmith]

HI..you can retrieve the listing on your critique page. Near the top is the listing number. click on that and a window will pop up with the listing. You can select the text, copy and paste.

You may want to ad a link in your signature on the forums to your taxi page. And a lot of us use Soundcloud to direct members for a listen. There is a free membership. You may already know this.

Hope this helps! And keep writing!!

Best,
Linda C

[cassmcentee]

My first impression reading your lyrics...
1. I don't see a clear "Hook" line
2. Wordy lyrics... could cut 30% of the words and still maintain your idea
Disclaimer... Without hearing the song, I could be way off...