Fear of Self - 3 song critiques

[fearofself]

Hi everyone!We just wanted to post the critiques we just received and get some feedback from you wonderful people on the forum!Without further delay:Reading around the forum, it sounds like when critiques are posted, it's asked that the *FULL* critique be posted. We hope this can be over-looked as we would rather take out the stuff that was directed to our personal questions and only include what's song-relevant.======================================http://www.taximusic.com/stream/176723/Thorns.mp3Song Title : ThornsLyrics :One by one,like a gameas they come;look and look away.Hunting me.Laying down in thorns.Suffer be forewarned.Simplygive meany reason; I’ll conceive the lie.Our love will never die.Run from me.Play around.I will come.I will chase you down.I’m hunting now.Laying down in thorns.Suffer be forewarned.Simplygive meany reason; I’ll conceive the lie.Our love will never die. <break> x2Our love will never die!Style : Alt Modern/Hard RockMelody : Strong use of melody in verses as well as in choruses. Nice mood creation here as we start out, and the set up to the release works well. Like the sectional contrast working between the parts of V+CH.Structure : Solid song structure working here. Nice intro, which leads to the verses. Releasing of this CH is strong, and the listener "gets" that this hook is upon us. The "breakdown" or instrumental break is OK, but I like how you bring it around to the conclusion, and you end this song powerfully.Lyric : Lines in the verses are simple, but OK. May need clarification on the lines "as they come/look and look away". Not sure what the meaning is here. The "haunting me" line is good and acts like a small pre chorus. This CH does work well, but for me, the "cadence" here in the delivery of the lines is as strong as the actual lines themselves. The "closing tag" of "Our Love will Never Die" is OK, but closer to conventional than unique.Title : OK titleOverall Comments (edited with personal narrative removed) : Let's get to your song.. Vocals are strong and very engaging. As a listener I was pulled right into this idea. The "feel" did have elements of an "Alice in Chains" vibe, but I like that. Solid song structure, and by that I mean nice set up in the verses, and a strong releasing of the choruses. I did like the use of melody as well, and for me there was a strong sense of mood creation working here. Lyrically, I didi feel that there can be some minor tweaking of lines for clarification. As a band you "know" what you mean, as a listener, I'm not clear on lines such as "as they come/look and look away" (for example). All in all this is a strong effort, and is certainly in the ballpark for that "hit-like quality". My suggestion here is to reinforce your hooks as often as possible (both lyrically as well as melodically). You guys are on the right track....keep at it, and continue moving forward. All the best- #169Music : 8Lyrics : 7Marketablilty : 8Arrangement : 8Production : 8Engineering : 8============================================================================http://www.taximusic.com/stream/176726/ ... 07.mp3Song Title : Patient 7Lyrics : “Good morning, Patient 7.” said the specialist.“It’s evidentrepeated medication with immediate sedationmight absolve you of your relevanceand absolute frustration.So without your hesitationwe’ll resolve this situation…”Here we go…And on I go.Calling out to no replyfrom empty breathinside of walls revolving.Endless pacing.Bitter cold.Am I the last to know?“Good morning, Patient 7.” said the specialist.“You don’t look well.I’m upping medicationto cease your constant mastication.You’ll forget all the past experience.We’ll nullify this deviance.Through shock and electrocution(treatment’s) sure to bring improvement.”Here we go…So on I go.Calling out to no replyfrom empty breathinside of walls revolving.Endless pacing.Bitter cold.Am I the last to know?... <break> x2…inside lies romantic, freeing dreamsof breathing fire and sending rainCausing, oh, the flood!Erasing all you know!Style : Hard Rock basically. However, to be more specific, I hear the influence of Metallica, Tool (heard Tool on the way in today, btw : ) ... maybe some others that I can't specify at this moment. Essentially tho, Hard Rock with a few slightly progressive elements (altho not as much as Tool), with the enegy & driving rhythms of Metallica, altho not quite as powerful ... maybe even a hint of some Classic Rock influences.Melody : Definitely strong & captivating. The VS melody makes me anticipate what's to come in the CH & the preCH also builds to that. And the CH melody doesn't dissapoint, altho I'm not sure I 'see' it coming, but that's OK, too : ) as it IS easy to remember & follow along to.Structure : It's solid & well written. There are really only 2 elements that I would suggest you reconsider, & that is a slightly more recognizable or obvious & focused HK of some kind ... it's not currently the title, e.g., which is fine ... but what IS it? No, Tool never really has one, but then again, they're Tool. However, they do have strong repeated themes, which you do here.I also really enjoyed your instr. section here & think it was a strong choice. However, in this style/genre of music, you might even be able to do a bit more in that section, esp @ 3:42. Actually, this song is kinda short by Hard Rock standards in my opinion (this is not at ALL what I typically tell artists/bands but, then again, it's also about the genre & expectations of that genre's audience, isn't it??). So, adding another VS and/or to the instr. section (BR?) could build even more power into an already strong song.Lyric : This is one of the highlights of the songs for me, & a great fit for the musical style, too. I mean, it's not as tho your band is writing/recording about a typical male/female relationship, right? Something a bit dark & twisted always seems to fit hard rock much better to me, & this fits the bit quite nicely.Title : I think it's the perfect title as it's exactly who the song is about : however, I think it's only in the song 2x?Overall Comments : (edited with personal narative commentary removed) OK, I've made comments in all the various boxes on the page but I wanted to add here that I was impressed with this song today. No, it's not new or ground breaking, but it's very, very well done in this style range. And it also sounds broadcast quality to me, which is also a step ahead of many, with very tight performances, which is critical in this genre in my opinion. While I don't love the vocal quality (just personal taste), the delivery is excellent so know real concerns there.Let me recap by saying this is very well done & I feel it could find a home via TAXI. Just look for appropriate listings & pitch accordingly; best of luck & good job !!Music : 8Lyrics : 8Marketability : 7Arrangement : 7Production : 8Engineering : 8(Listener ID# 111)======================================It seems to us that the quality of our recording had bearing in 'negative' feedback. Just so it's known, the music portion of each song was professionally recorded with a lot of money, time, and effort put forth in order to make it happen. To us, it's solid but certainly are looking for any feedback that would encourage positive changes and progression in our music.While I don't love the vocal quality (just personal taste), the delivery is excellent so know real concerns there.We are certainly in agreeance here. We don't love the vocal quality either. Bear in mind, both songs were recorded vocally in one-shot then added to it's respective song. We understand there's room for development when it comes to better-sounding vocals and an overall better mix.And to help clarify this : May need clarification on the lines "as they come/look and look away". Not sure what the meaning is here. Picture yourself in a crowded social environment. You make eye-contact with 'him'/'her'. How do you keep their attention and vice-versa? Look and look away. Well... That's ONE way of looking at it. =^)======================================http://www.taximusic.com/stream/179471/ ... ld.mp3Song Title : Bomb ChildLyrics :Easy,unimpatient soul.Come in ready toparty;lose controlwith his buddies.He,no matter where he goes,always ready to drop griefon another soul.Always ready…A bombwith no lightis still a bombto ignite!1, 2, 3 and away we gocome in ready to brawl.Turn your ass around.Turn your ass around, Bomb Child x2No loveNo wiseJust aggressive intentionAnd allcan only get in,never out of his way.A bombwith no lightis still a bombto ignite!1, 2, 3 and away we gocome in ready to brawl.Turn your ass around.Turn your ass around, Bomb Child. x2(Many hope that he find his way.)Only one thing will set him up on his way.All he needs… x3Is a light!For he’s ready to blow.All he needs is another one.Who is ready to blow?!?1, 2, 3 and away we gocome in ready to brawl.Turn your ass around.Turn your ass around, Bomb Child. x2A bombwith no lightsis still a bombto ignite!Style : The style of this song is definitely in the rock/alternative/hard rock category. Because of the distorted driving guitars and singing style etc. its radio genre would be the rock/alternative genre.Melody : There are many interesting things going on in your song. Between excellent musicianship, the melody and singing style is quite unique actually. Sometimes, the vocals are not loud enough in the mix and get lost throughout the song, but overall you have a good melody that stays very interesting with the lyrics.Structure : The structure of your song is very solid. You definitely understand the verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus structure. The musicianship and guitar riffs also add a tremendous amount to this this song to keep it "radio friendly" and interesting.Lyric : I am actually very impressed with your lyrics, they are different, unique, and are fresh. I can see perhaps some improvement for "radio/popular music/tv reasons such as perhaps changing "Turn your ass around" - to even "turn yourself around". This might give it a little bit more of a general lyric (so it can be relatable to TV/Film Opportunities). Once again, this is not a requirement, but rather a suggestion.Title : The title clearly fits the song. Overall Comments (edited with personal narrative commentary removed) : Overall, your song style, genre, and band is very unique. The singing style mixed with the lyrics is refreshing as well. The places where I can see some improvement, is in the mix, mastering, and perhaps somewhat in the vocals. I will explain what I mean. For example in the lines "no no no ....Only one thing will set him up on his way. All he needs… x3...who is ready to blow" the vocals could be auto tuned just a little bit more, so they are perfectly in pitch during those parts. Also during the lyrics "to Ignite" at the end as well. Listen to the "hits" of your favorite bands and check out how perfectly they are crafted from start to finish. This song definitely has the structure and unique qualities to set it apart, but now the focus needs to be on the details, Ie: raising the drums in the mix and making sure the guitars are not too loud overshadowing the other instruments and the vocals. It is definitely a special song, but now the question is ... can it be radio ready? Listen to any song mixed by Tom Lord-Alge or Chris Lord-Alge and pay attention to the drum sounds and polished mix that is achieved. To understand specific details of the Taxi screener system, you can always call Taxi but yes I would say different screeners usually listen to the songs. Everyone has their personal opinion, but we are focused on giving you the most constructive information we possibly can, to make it work for everyone! You have a unique mix of rock/alternative/some reggae influences and a radio friendly structure to put your song to work.Music : 9Lyrics : 9Marketablilty : 8Arrangement : 8Production : 7Engineering : 7======================================

[hummingbird]

You've posted this in two places... no need to do that Please post the lyrics on one of the threads so we can see the feedback in context

[fearofself]

Hello Hummingbird!First, let me apologize for the quasi-'double post'. Unfortunately for me, the contents were posted in the least-relevant place first. Normally, I'm really good about making sure my posts are topic/thread appropriate. It seemed appropriate the first time as the critiques were not received.I have added the lyrics to the original post in this thread. I hope this helps you gain clarity of the critique in context, as you said.Thank you for your time!

[fearofself]

So what's the typical post : read ratio for any given thread?

[cameron]

Hey FoS,Sorry, this is so far off genre for me (I write mostly country) that I can't offer any sort of worthwhile advice, except to say that your recordings sound really good to me. Pretty good scores you got too.Cam

[diogenes]

Wow, had I received critiques like that I would have stayed a member. That was very detailed with a lot of valuable input. By comparison most of critiques I received were sorely lacking.-Dax

[fearofself]

Cameron:Thanks for at least taking the time to listen. We certainly appreciate your kind words. =^) We put a lot of time, effort, and of course money into our recordings. That said, we recently changed vocalists... What you hear is with the new voice. Basically, the recordings are what we previously recorded (the music) with his vocals thrown on top of them. We certainly understand that the actual "quality" of the recording is lacking. Had we had more money to put into perfect production as we did the music, it would sound a LOT better. Such recordings are in our near future. Our vocalist has been with us now for about two months so... We're excited about the instant progression in our sound. =^)Dax:We must say that the critiques we got were definitely more thorough than we initially anticipated when signing up. It's a shame you didn't receive such critiques. Did you at least get your money back? They seem to be pretty adamant about refunding customers when not satisified. I hope you did and experienced a smooth process..02

[fearofself]

Original post modified. 3rd song and critique added.Thanks for listening!

[aimusic]

Yo FOS,I'm a hard rock fan!!!!!!!Lemme listen to each track and give my honest feedback....Thorns: I like the instrumentation, it however sounds less produced than the other two, not really keen on the vocalists voice (sorry if that's you) sounds too much like Layne Staley (Old Alice In Chains) in verses and a hint of Maynard Keenan in chorus... The drummer doesn't seem to be putting in that SOUL into the track (possibly due to the production).Patient 7: Loving the instrumentation, again, vocalists voice isn't giving the song what it deserves, I really can picture a HEAVIER styled vocalists on this track, Ala David Draiman/ Maynard.Bomb Child: Bass is kicking ass in this track, very tool-esque... Conclusion: You guys have got awesome instrumentation and songs, excellent potential, but to be honest I don't think the vocalist is doing you guys justice... This of course is all my OWN opinion and isn't meant to be taken as any sort of insult etc...Take CareB

[fearofself]

Hi bradn!Thanks a lot for the feedback!For what it's worth, know this:The music on all three tracks are from an album recorded a couple years ago. It was a full production album with a lot of effort, time, and money put into it. We have just recently changed vocalists. What you hear on the tracks are nothing more than new lyrics (all recorded single-shot by the way) laid over the existing music by a friend of the band. Considering it didn't cost us a dime to get a 'new product' for our listeners, we're pretty much pleased with the result. Also, the drums were recorded with our former drummer at that time. We have since changed drummers. He's been with the band a little over a year now. Just to sum it up... Our vocalist has been with us now for a VERY short period of time. We have made a TON of progress since but we certainly do have a ways to go.Some have shared your opinion that the vocals are lacking, although we must say the lack of production in the vocal recordings should be considered. These tracks are demo quality at best... Something to get us out with his voice attached. Then again, they are better quality than some heard on this site. It's certainly all in the listener. =) We HAVE had an overwhelming positive response from our fans that feel our current vocalist is worlds more appealing than the previous. We're confident in our decision and confident in his stylings and abilities. Again... Your feedback is appreciated! Your words aren't at all taken as an insult. One can only be curious to think what your opinion would be had the tracks been fully produced/mixed/mastered. Perhaps soon, we'll be able to find out.No matter what... Keep rockin', Sir B! .\../ \../.