Feedback Needed for Indie Rock

[billhewett]

I'm hoping to get some feedback for a track I'm working on for the Indie Rock listing due tomorrow.

Specifically:

1. Do the recorded instruments sound good enough?
2. Are the performances tight enough? (I am planning to re-record vocals, as they are definitely a bit off in places)
3. Any thoughts on how I can step up the mix/production a few notches?

Here is the track: Where Is My Mind

And here is the listing (I was shooting for "A-Punk" in both style and production)

INDIE POP ROCK SONGS with Male Vocals are needed by a super well-connected Publisher with a great track record This material is for an entirely new catalog being built for placements in Films, Commercials, and TV Shows. They’re looking for Mid-to-Up-Tempo Songs that you’d expect to hear on a playlists with songs and artists like (but not limited to):

“A Punk” by Vampire Weekend

“Radar Detector” by Darwin Deez

“My Number” by Foals

Give them songs that sound like a real Indie Rock band, with great musicianship, songwriting, and vocals. Anything that sounds like a “one-man-band” trying to sound like a real band won’t work well for this request. If you can pull it off all by your lonesome, more power to ya! Your submissions should have a killer rhythm section, with great melodies, and chorus that’s really shines. Some electronic elements could work, but you’d be wise to keep them somewhat minimal so they won’t take away from the Indie Rock Vibe.

Lyric themes can vary, but should something that’s in line with what would be heard in the Indie Rock genre. Universal lyrics will work best, so please avoid using specific names, places, dates, times, brands, and profanity. Do NOT copy or rip off the referenced bands or songs in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a guide for tempo, texture, and tone. Appropriate sounding broadcast quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine)


Thanks in advance!

-Bill

[lesmac]

Hey Bill Great track, this style is definitely in your wheelhouse, ballpark, living room etc

Only niggle I have, it could just be me, is the bass and guitar riff could be tightened a little at the 4th? bar [5 sec mark in the intro], then throughout.

My guess is short odds for a forward.

[billhewett]

Thanks Les! I'll definitely work on tightening those parts up. Between re-recording and a little editing where necessary I'm sure I can get it sounding better :)

-Bill

[cassmcentee]

What a fun track Bill!
Maybe bring the vocals forward some more for the pre chorus and chorus, right now they get a little buried

[joesarahh]

I am going to echo tightening up the guitar, I particularly hear it from 23 seconds to maybe 25 seconds. I wonder if I might not think of this as punk if it weren't for the clean guitar.

[billhewett]

Thanks everybody! New version is posted at the same link.

Les: guitars, bass, and drums have all been fixed. Not sure if that was the only thing you thought would keep it from being forwarded... do you think it isn't a good fit for the listing, or anything else I should think about before shelling out another $5?

Cass: full overhaul on the vocal mix, and I re-recorded all of the *really* pitchy parts.

Joe: I cleaned up the guitar a bit more in that section and it wasn't quite right... finally realized that my drummer was *slightly* behind the beat for about a measure and a half, so I nudged him a bit and I think it sounds much better now. The intro/verse has been looking for the right home since ~1995. Originally the guitar was played on the downbeat, at about half this speed, with a ton of delay (and I wasn't even doing any drugs when I wrote it!). Then it morphed into the dirty, punkier version you are imagining. I've played some version of it with almost every band I've played with since then, but nobody ever nailed it so I've never had a good recorded version. I thought it might work well along the lines of the Vampire Weekend reference in this listing, so I completely re-wrote the chorus and tweaked the verse melody to make it a little more "modern indie".

Let me know if anybody has any final suggestions before this closes at midnight!

-Bill

[lesmac]

Sounds a lot tighter for sure Bill. I'm listening on my laptop with consumer headphones. I'm no expert on genres and sub genres but I like the song, def worth the 5 bucks IMHO.
Best of luck with it.

[cassmcentee]

Oh Man That is so Sweet in my monitors!
I hear so many of my favorites in this, a little Talking Heads/999/Echo and the Bunnymen/The Vapors/Clash
Wonderful Song Bill!

[billhewett]

Thanks for the kind words, Les and Cass!

Oh Man That is so Sweet in my monitors! :D

This is actually the first song I mixed since getting my Avantone MixCube, so I spent a lot of time switching back and forth between that and my monitors and I can definitely hear the difference in the final product. Glad it holds up on your system!

I hear so many of my favorites in this, a little Talking Heads/999/Echo and the Bunnymen/The Vapors/Clash

Methinks you and I have a lot of the same favorites :)

Now it's time to submit this to the merciless screeners...

[johnlewitt]

Hey Bill,

I stumbled upon this one as Cass had liked it and it popped up in Soundcloud.

This is a good genre for you, IMO. It is very punk / new wave. The guitar line sounds like something Squeeze would play. There's definitely Talking Heads in there. Vampire Weekend are kind of a throwback act sonically, so I'd be interested to hear what the screeners say on this.

Good luck with it. It does sound like a band BTW.

John