Feedback on our cue, "Walking in Shadows"

[irthlingz]

Please give us feedback on our cue, "Walking in Shadows"

Latest version IV, re-lengthened the second edit point.

Walking in Shadows IV.

Version III, less variation, two edit points and shorter ones (maybe second one now too short?)

BTW high instrumenation is Pianoteq Celesta Tremo doubled at times with Pianoteq Spacedrum. Bass = Spotlight Collection "Cuba" upright bass. There's also Cremona Quartet Stradivari Cello.
Walking in Shadows III.

Second version, with evil bass tamed, silences spanned, drums mostly eliminated:
Walking in Shadows II.

First version:
Walking in Shadows.

Composition, production, mix, whatevah! Thanks!

Not for a listing.

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Michael & Sharon

[superblonde]

The drums, when they come in, sound out-of-time. Drums should come in sooner as well, or not use them at all. It could be that this track does not need a kick.
As for timing, all of the instruments could be tightened up to be on the grid.
That first instrument, the staccato bass, is terrible sounding. A sustained keyboard pad could be much better to create the root harmony.
I wonder what comparison reference you are using for overall tone?

[irthlingz]

Thank you, superblonde!

I wonder what comparison reference you are using for overall tone?

No reference. Just trying to create a mood.

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Michael & Sharon

[AlanHall]

No reference. Just trying to create a mood.

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Michael & Sharon

For the record, what mood? What keywords would you tag this with? It's a bit different than anything I've heard from you before

I'm a bit lost by some of the pauses. The first one caught me off guard, I thought the playback had stopped. The silence is without any continuity, IMO, so I don't know why or what is going on. That may be by design? I'd be tempted to have something ring through, even a little bit of reverb, to let the listener know that the silence is supposed to be there. Hope that helps!

Alan

[Paulie]

It starts out giving me a slight horror/irony feel, like American Horror Story kids toy, but then it wanders into something else. The bass synth is killing me though, it is thin and in the background, giving the track an amateurish sound. I like the question above, what mood are you going for? Walking In Shadows could imply suspense or danger, but that's not the mood I'm getting.

[irthlingz]

Thank you, Alan and Paulie!

Mood, in a word, "spooky" with some excitement towards the end.

New version, withe nicer bass, silences spanned, and drums mostly eliminated.

Whatta you think?

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Michael & Sharon

[superblonde]

The new version is significantly better but still I wonder 'whats going on here'.
The 'kick', which enters around mm11 and continues sparsely after that, sounds particularly horrible. It sounds like a brush against a cahon that is terribly mic'ed with EQ/compression boosted way out of proportion.
For a cue, my assumption is that consistency of mood (i.e. theme) is very important, and that means using one idea (either 1 melody or 1 instrument group or 1 chord progression, which is then varied as a B or could also be called A'). In this track the ending also comes out of nowhere as a different musical-idea. But here there are a dozen ideas which do not have much cohesion to each other. Take just 1-2 of the phrase ideas and expand that into the entire track by using variation.
Probably the breaks could be tightened up as well, they create too much space/hesitation, maybe instead of 2-beat-rests try just 1-beat-rest.

I would say right now the track is slightly like a tension track.

[Paulie]

This has more direction than the first version, but I think it still wanders a bit. Assuming you are creating a cue for tv, it needs to stick with a single theme with a little variation, but not much. As is, the new version sounds like four different sections with no real form or return to a them. There is no theme as well, the marimba-ish top voice could be made into a them if you took that top note and gave it to a different instrument.

The second edit point is too long, and I don't think you need four edit points. Usually one clear one will suffice, sometimes two, depends on the genre.

I don't get spooky, I get more of a melancholy or uncertainty vibe. Spooky would need some more chromaticism or dissonance.

You are making good progress! Try thinking of a specific show or scene to help you with your musical imagery. Right now if I was a supervisor I would not know how or where to use this.

[irthlingz]

Again, thank you, superblonde and Paulie! Back to work!

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Michael & Sharon

[irthlingz]

Version III posted, trying to address all suggestions. Thank you everyone!

And thank you, Graham -- especially love those free/inexpensive "schools" you mention in the other post!

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Michael & Sharon