Feedback request: Hip hop dramedy instrumental

[DavidBeardmoreMusic]

Hi everyone
I would really like some honest, constructive criticism of the mix for an intended submission for a listing. First, here's the brief:

"Send them well-composed Hip-Hop Dramedy Instrumentals (or Cues) that could be heard in the background of quirky and lightly dramatic scenes in shows like The Kardashians or The Real Housewives. Your submissions should have playful pizzicato motifs paired with slick Hip-Hop-style beats and sounds. Additional instrumentation will work, as well. Craft your pieces around a central motif and layer instrumentation in and out to create a sense of dynamics, interest, and forward motion. Your production and any virtual instruments or samples you use need to be high-quality and state-of-the-art.
TAXI TIP: There is room to get creative with this pitch since this Library is looking for a fresh, new take on Dramedy. Think of changing up the cadences, beats, instrumentation, etc., to help give your pieces an added edge."

And here's my track: https://soundcloud.com/david-beardmore- ... al_sharing

I'm trying to avoid a screener comment that says something like "nice track but the mix needs work"! Appreciate any comments / advice

Thanks, David

[Casey H]

Your submissions should have playful pizzicato motifs paired with slick Hip-Hop-style beats and sounds

Listening on laptop speakers but regardless of the mix, I'm not hearing any Hip-Hop in here, definitely not "slick Hip-Hop beats". If I didn't know it was for a listing combining HH and dramedy, I would have assumed it was just a dramedy cue. This is a tough combo to crack, no doubt. Were there any reference tracks in the listing?

Casey

[DavidBeardmoreMusic]

Thanks again Casey

The reference tracks listed were:

Real Housewives of Atlanta (from 1:25 to 2:08): https://youtu.be/7aFnQpSWiEc

Vanderpump Rules (from 4:21 - 5:00): https://youtu.be/TE1n9deHFKk

Family Karma Highlights (from 2:38 to 3:00): (YouTube video not available for some reason)

Listening many times to the 1st 2 reference tracks, my track sounds very close indeed in style, space, instrumentation etc... I don't think they're expecting a full-on hip hop track for a dramedy spot? Agree it's a difficult mix - dramedy & 'hip hop' !

After hearing the 2 reference tracks does mine sound like it fits now?

Thanks, DB

[bmoBauhaus]

From my limited experience, I believe the goal is more of a dry sound with the pizz strings. I would pull the reverb way back so that its just a little bit of verb to the strings for some presence (a very tiny amount) and then route to an FX track with a digital verb for more of that bigness I think you are looking for.

[Paulie]

I can hear that you are heeding forum advice and applying it to your work.

I agree with a previous comment, strings need to be much more dry. The hip hop elements that come in are close/better than previous efforts. However, I think you are overcomplicating things for this genre. Hip Hop Dramedy is very simple... no need for five different melodic sections. Pick a theme, add a second theme, vary the instrumentation of the two every 4-8 bars. The drum beat needs to be simple and consistent, just a few elements. You have the snare, claps, hi hats and kick drum right, but I think the beat gets varied too much.

Definitely getting better!

PC

[AlonMarcus]

I liked this cue very much just for what it is. Not sure it's a 100% perfect for the listing, but the orchestral arrangement is lovely (it also can be classical dramedy without the beat). The harmonic progression is beautiful and enchanting and so is the melody. This may be too beautiful for a background cue, but sometimes you just go with your inner truth and taste.

It's dramedy (let's call it progressive dramedy) and it has Hip Hop beat so I actually think you are near the ballpark. The strings are much more dominant than the percussion and this may take you away from fitting to the genre and the brief. This is a mixing issue. I agree with bmoBauhaus about the reverb. It makes the pizzicato sound larger than life while the beat has more "bedroom producer" character. I also needed something earthier and heavier in the lows. Maybe some mean and nasty synth bass. More of the kick and the snare in the front.

[Casey H]

I agree with Paulie that the drum beat needs to be more of a simple, constant thing as in hip hop. It felt like me a if the drums were following the melody lines instead of providing that constant hip hop beat.