Fly Away

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jrad100
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Fly Away

Post by jrad100 » Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:45 pm

I am looking for a review and constructive criticism of my song fly away.www.myspace.com/jeffreyscottreynoldsThanxJeff

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Re: Fly Away

Post by hummingbird » Thu Nov 22, 2007 8:25 pm

Quote:I am looking for a review and constructive criticism of my song fly away.www.myspace.com/jeffreyscottreynoldsThanxJeffHi Jeff. In what context would you like a review -- are you pitching yourself as an artist, is this a song pitch or a film/tv pitch? Also, it would help us to review the song better if you posted the lyrics. There's some nice ambient warmth to this and and a cool vibe. Nice vocals. Overall I like it. I'm not sure about the repetition of the hook.... I might try repeating it like "I want to fly away, I want to fly away, I want to flyyyyyyy (going up) with a vocal embellishment on the held 'flyy'".I hope that helps! Good work,cheersHummin'bird
"As we are creative beings, our lives become our works of art." (Julia Cameron)

Link: Vikki Flawith Music

jrad100
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Re: Fly Away

Post by jrad100 » Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:49 pm

I am looking for ideas to make the song better. The words are:please help me, I can't see, what is true, and I don't know what to do. So confused, my hearts bruised, holding on, my strength is gone, its gone,I want to fly away,I'm in pain, barely sane, you don't know, and I don't let it show. feeling scared, so despaired shutting down, I'm on the ground, I' down I'm downI want to fly awayand now its been a long long time.and I left you behindand I'm feeling just fine.I want to fly away./

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Re: Fly Away

Post by hummingbird » Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:34 pm

Quote:I am looking for ideas to make the song better. The words are:please help me, I can't see, what is true, and I don't know what to do. So confused, my hearts bruised, holding on, my strength is gone, its gone,I want to fly away,I'm in pain, barely sane, you don't know, and I don't let it show. feeling scared, so despaired shutting down, I'm on the ground, I' down I'm downI want to fly awayand now its been a long long time.and I left you behindand I'm feeling just fine.I want to fly away./I'm in pain, barely sane, you don't know, and I don't let it show. I like this. But now I want to know - who is the "you" in the song, why are you in pain... so the second verse needs to tell more of the story so that when you get to 'I want to fly away' it's an inexcapable conclusion.I feel like this takes me away from the present moment & I don't know how you got there.and now its been a long long time.and I left you behindand I'm feeling just fine.I want to fly awaywhy do you want to fly away if you feel just fine?I don't think that you have to spell out everything in a lyric, but theatre / storytelling of any kind is based on relationship & conflict. I hear the conflict, but I don't know why it exists, or who your relationship is with - mother, father, spouse, boy/girl friend... there's tons of songs with "fly away" in the chorus - I like Sugarland -- check it out athttp://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/sugarland/f ... 4744.htmlI also highly recommend Jason Blume's "6 Steps to Songwriting Success" he's a great writer, creative & fun, and he's got a great way of explaining lyric writing in depth.cheersHummin'bird
"As we are creative beings, our lives become our works of art." (Julia Cameron)

Link: Vikki Flawith Music

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Re: Fly Away

Post by jrad100 » Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:16 am

Thanks Hummingbird.by the way, how do you get your picture in your profile?Jeff

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