For Everyman - Your Thoughts Needed

[kitz]

Ladies and Jellymen as my friend Clarence Gatemouth Brown used to say,I would like your thoughts on this piece. I have no control over the mix of different instruments (other than the cello and vocal)as these little nuggets reside in a place I can no longer access. Meaning I need to rerecord if the song is worth the effort. So I am asking you to help me decide - is this song worth the effort and if so what would you do to make this song really sing?My humble bows and grovelling occur here,Kitzhttp://www.taximusic.com/stream/187652/For%20Everyman.mp3For EverymanSo you can't sleep again toniteCan't put away this worried soulWith all your mightYour oldest he's stolen off to roamHe fights the world to make men wealthyHere at homeWhen you got hungry souls to feedIt's hard to do with those who ruleSo wrapped in greedThen they go and take away your jobSome foriegn land, a cheaper wageIt's you they robIn your distant heart A light there shines most every dayAnd you swear that you can reach it As it fades awayLittle ones need to feel secureRaise the window - keep 'em coolLock the doorSomeday your son is coming homeWith tales of war - tales of valor He'll rightly ownAnd then you will sleep the perfect niteA peaceful world A fuller moon and stars so brightTomorrow you'll get along somehowSay a prayer - if you dareHave faith for nowIn your distant heart A light there shines most every dayAnd you swear that you can reach it As it fades awaySo you can't sleep again toniteCan't put away this troubled soulThe will to fightWhen you got twenty years or moreThey just move in - take the profitsAnd lock the doorAnd if he's to never be returnedYou pray each day that fades away Somehow we'll learnWhen you got nothing left to giveThe little ones that light the sunsAre why you live They're why you liveOh the road that leads to loveIs there for everymanIn the spirit in the heartAnd in the understandWhen you got nothing left to giveThe little ones that light the sunsAre why you live They're why you live

[ideascapes]

kitz,I think it can be a really fun process to re-record an old song. I've been doing that over the past year. Having said that, I wish I had collaborated on the arranging and/or production because I think it would have helped make the new version(s) more modern sounding. I was probably too wedded to the original sound and feel. So, my comments here will be in that context--how you might re-do this in a more current setting. If that's not your intent, I understand--it's a pretty cool gem as is. I like the song. It's probably someting I would have sang to my kids before bed and that's a compliment.I listened twice to make sure I got the form of the song. There are a few elements of the original song that I think would have to be addressed. One is the rhythmic uncertainty--the pause--that precedes the third stanza of each "system" (pre-chorus?). It interrupts the flow without adding much to the song's interest.The next is the similarity of the melodic rhythm in each section--not enough differentiation to my ears.The lack of lift in the chorus I think should be addressed. For me, that often happens because I don't have a very big singing range and know that I have to demo the song. If that's the case, let's not allow that to limit our melodies!Finally, I'd think you need a hookier title and probably more repetition of it. Only on my 2nd listen did I see "for everyman" in the lyric and it's not highlighted particularly.Anyway, hope this helps. If you do re-record, but sure to save the old version for posterity!Vince

[orest]

I think you did a wonderful work with the guitars and the cello! I would prefer some pre-delay on the vocals. When the cello has the melody, try to pan it more in the middle and not in one speaker. The drums I think should need some further work, maybe some real player and not midi drums? Thought they were a bit too weak in the mix. Maybe buy some better drum program, they are not expensive! Overall I loved the song, it was very soothing and you have a really nice voice as well!! I can picture this in a movie: A parent putting their baby to sleep! Well done!

[wignelson]

Good song, Kitz. Yeah, I'd say it's worth a redo. It's not really offensive in its present state, but a couple nits worth mentioning are the cello is a little sharp relative to the gits in the middle. Sounds patchy, and I ought to know, I'm the black kettle there, my friend.The stops are not very effective IMNSHO. And are a bit too long. If I wasn't reading along with the lyrics, I would have thought the song ended a couple of times. People don't like to be fooled.I don't mind the drums that was mentioned before, I think they work. They should stay out of the way in a ballad like this.I don't see any point in repeating a verse, even if the last line is a little different with the same vowel sound rhyme. You know what I mean.My music partner bashes me for that in some of my older songs. he says the days of repeating a verse are long gone. I tend to agree with him.Harmonies are very nice. Not really sure if that whispering tone of your voice serves you well, except if this is meant as a lullaby. But you seem to do it in other songs as well. You have such a fine voice, take it a little deeper toward your diaphragm instead of the back of your throat. Just my opinion, and I'm probably wrong.All in all a very good song, an emotional attention getter, but keep it shorter and keep those instruments in tune.Wig

[feaker]

kitzReally like the feel, the guitars, and your voice.Others have commented on possible shortcomings.James Taylor might bite on this. Not that your voice is lacking.Polish and post please.paul

[orest]

Well, I didn't mean the mixing part of the drums, more the midi sound of it. It sounded pretty good otherwise and if I notice it, I think others will too.

[heinsite]

hi there kitz--i'm just listening as a non-techie, though the tune sounds pretty damn good, just on the song-i really like the vibe, it works for me, even in "today's" markets with some updated production stuff, the chorus can use a bit more lift, i found that it might benefit from more of a break/difference in the verse's and chorus--but i love the lyrics man, some minor tweaking might be needed, but very nice job and some great lines..., and the title needs to be in the tune someplace (for everyman--a jackson browne album in the 70's, isn't prominent, and i only heard it once) and i can't identify the title/hook, which needs to be worked on and "out there".oh, the silent/ breaks are too long IMHO....but you might know that already. the chorus needs to be definitely...uh...more definitive musically, but you can do that.i really like this tune, and yes is my answer to it being well worth reworking!!nice job, all the best,warren

[kitz]

Thanks so much everyone!! Thanks for giving me so much feedback. I know it takes time to listen and time to think about it and then time to write it in the right way. If you are willing to go to that much trouble then I am sure gonna take note and listen. Vince, I will definitely look at the format and melodic similarities. The pause everyone agrees is too long. It was meant to accent the words fades away but as ineffectual as it is I will do something else there and I appreciate your candor!!Orest, you're right on the drums. I think I used a real drummer playing a midi set. Will use the real thing this time. Cello and predelay will be addressed - thanks for commenting!!Paul, Thanks for the encouragement!!Wig, Thanks for the pointers. Cello will be redone - I know a great little 13 year old that will do a great job. Vocal tips are much appreciated. I don't consider myself a vocalist. My performances are all solo guitar in this day and age although I used to sing more. I always heard this song as an attempt to qwell the dispair in my heart at the things it had to say. The soft tone always seemed to be a more subtle way to convey that dispair but I could be wrong. Any more thoughts are welcome!!!Warren, I love Jackson Browne!!! Won't steal his title. Will visit chorus/verse section issues. Thanks again!!This was originally done in the analog world so it was a pain in the keester. I'm sure it will be easier now that I'm digital. I'll redo before long and again I really really appreciate the advice and pointers from all of you!!! Mucho mucho mucho!!!Kitz

[wignelson]

It's well worth the redo, Kitz. You have the technology, you have the desire, you have the talent that is required, hell, you might very well produce the six million dollar song. (I'm dating myself - Colonel Steve Austen)Wig

[kitz]

Wig,I am having the bionics installed in my guitar and right arm this week and will be getting a new car that can sing this tune. I think it's name is Kit.Kitz