General Feedback please

[muzza]

Hi. I'm up to about by 20th submission with no forwards yet (although some early ones were pretty basic, I've learned a lot in the last 2 years). Attended my first Rally last year and learned alot. The feedback I've got the last few have been very good but just quite within ball park. Thought I might try here as I see from others it has helped them.
So here is the first Pitch example'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRRdhypnnXc

and my track

https://s.disco.ac/ggcduerhhaxa

Any feedback would be appreciated

thanks
Murray

[funsongs]

If the reference track is what the listing provided, sounds to these ears that your track could be on a playlist with it.
Your mileage may vary.
Hope that helps, from a lurker in The Peanut Gallery.
Good luck.

[muzza]

cheers, yes its interesting, they ask for in the general ballpark of the following, then get told its out of the style of listing.

[funsongs]

cheers, yes its interesting, they ask for in the general ballpark of the following, then get told its out of the style of listing.

Not sure, but if it really is THAT CLOSE, it MIGHT be worth placing a call into the head screener.
Whether or not it'll move the needle, who knows?
Again: good luck.

[cosmicdolphin]

It's somewhat in the ballpark for me so I don't think you are a million miles away.

A few things I picked up on:

Your strings sound an octave up compared to the ref track so they might conflict with dialogue

Your strings are too high in the balance ( dropping them an octave will help ) but listen to them in mono on a crappy little speaker like an Auratone and it will jump out at you how far off the mix balance is

The string part suffers a little from "machine gun" sample syndrome. i.e. it sounds like a sample being constantly fired off and not real strings. You either need a little varation in velocities or expression controllers or maybe don't play the same note so many times in a row to break up the reptitivness

The track as a whole sounds a little on the repetitive side.

On the whole it's not bad , if you can improve it 10-20% I think you'd have somethign a library would want

[muzza]

Thanks for that guys. Good point about strings. I'd actually rolled the top off them put dropping an octave would be good idea. And will work on the other suggestions too. cheers Murray

[muzza]

Hi Cosmic. Some improvement here?
https://s.disco.ac/quhfzuhrpvdj

[cosmicdolphin]

Hi Cosmic. Some improvement here?
https://s.disco.ac/quhfzuhrpvdj

Yes that sounds better to me

[muzza]

Thank you appreciate it