Getting Old Really S_ _ ks!

[augustheat]

Quote:AugustI feel for you too. I am going through something similar with my Mom who has early Alzheimer's and Diabetes. It is complicated further by the fact that she lives in NY, I live in Philly and my brother (the only other sibling) lives in CT. We are both 2 hours away by car and Mom refuses to ever move from that house- the only way she will leave that house is if carried out. That leaves us few options such as moving her to assisted living, etc. Right now, she is getting daily visits from a visiting nurse and with assistance, there is an aide staying with her. But, she has been uncooperative and the agencies involved are going to pull the plug on these services. Yes, getting old s*cks and most baby boomers like us will fall into the "sandwich" problem, dealing with both their own kids and their parents.My thoughts and best wishes are with you. CaseyCasey:Sorry to hear about your Mom. Mine had said the same thing about moving out of her house, until they actually did "carry" her out. After the first ER/Hospital/Rehab stint, she thought she was ready to go home and get on with life. That didn't out. After her second ER/Hospital/Rehab stint, she tried it again. Lasted one day and got hauled away again in an ambulance. Then we went through a third round. She then realized the party was over and that she needed constant care. She still fights it a bit, but she's always been good at the "reality" thing and will adjust accordingly...Blessings,

[augustheat]

Quote:Well I thought I might as well chime in, as usual. This is actually my day job. I set folks up with equipment in their home, and in nursing homes as well. I have many opinions about the state of healthcare in the US, but I'll spare you most of it. Point one: if it sucks getting old... what's your option? The baby boomers are coming up fast, and the government is freaking out about it. Even with the screwed up system we have, I feel it's still the best out there from what I studied. It's no secret that insurance company's are getting more and more stingy, and medical prices are going up, but I don't really want our government to try and "fix" it.... they've done enough already. People want pretty much everything for free. They feel that somehow, they've earned it. Your best scenario is to try to stay at home and keep your costs down. Family is your best option, hands down. That's why I hate to see the way our society is getting away from close families. I'll save the rest for another time.Rock:I do hear what you're saying. The system is what it is...However, I still think it could run more smoothly. Nothing is perfect, and actually the red tape thing is just a minor obstacle, compared to the other issues we're dealing with...My mom has seen over 10 different doctors, nurses, and medicine specialists in the last few months. One says she has a UTI, the other says she doesn't; then changes his mind. One gives her 9 medicines, the other throws those away and gives her 15 new ones. Then the cycle starts all over again. Everyone has their own opinion about what's wrong and then initiates their own treatment plan, just to have another doctor later throw it all out the window to do what they think is best. Pretty hard to get better under those circumstances. I have recently demanded that she only see her primary from now on, and that anything else has to go through him first...I would love for my mother to come and stay with us. Unfortunately, we are not equipped to deal with her blood sugar crashes (someone would have to be with her all the time), and she can't do the stairs, etc., in our house. She needs someone to help her get dressed too, etc. I have the room and everything. If she could get regulated and back to her "baseline," we'd be set. Grandma would be welcome here in a heartbeat!Blessings,

[pitterpatter]

Yes. Getting old really does s__k! I understand how you feel. My Mom had a major stroke a year ago. Now, she's in a nursing home in diapers. She is basically paralized. She can't read or watch TV because she has lost most of her eyesight. She is in so much pain she has to have pain killers continually which dulls her mind considerably (which is a blessing.) She is trapped in her useless body and she's in pain and bored out of her mind. And just like the Lou Reed song, she still asks all the time to go home...but she's never going home. She is home and there's no Christmas in February. It couldn't have happened to a nicer person. My Mom spent her whole life helping other people ahead of herself. It's just not fair. And she says , "Praise God anyway." It breaks my heart. Life sucks and then you die, as the saying goes. I'm afraid I'm not the one to tell you it's going to get better. Hopefully, someone else can think of a way to cheer you up. You just have to take the bad with the good and don't let the b_st_ards win.

[Casey H]

Quote:Quote:Well I thought I might as well chime in, as usual. This is actually my day job. I set folks up with equipment in their home, and in nursing homes as well. I have many opinions about the state of healthcare in the US, but I'll spare you most of it. Point one: if it sucks getting old... what's your option? The baby boomers are coming up fast, and the government is freaking out about it. Even with the screwed up system we have, I feel it's still the best out there from what I studied. It's no secret that insurance company's are getting more and more stingy, and medical prices are going up, but I don't really want our government to try and "fix" it.... they've done enough already. People want pretty much everything for free. They feel that somehow, they've earned it. Your best scenario is to try to stay at home and keep your costs down. Family is your best option, hands down. That's why I hate to see the way our society is getting away from close families. I'll save the rest for another time.Rock:I do hear what you're saying. The system is what it is...However, I still think it could run more smoothly. Nothing is perfect, and actually the red tape thing is just a minor obstacle, compared to the other issues we're dealing with...My mom has seen over 10 different doctors, nurses, and medicine specialists in the last few months. One says she has a UTI, the other says she doesn't; then changes his mind. One gives her 9 medicines, the other throws those away and gives her 15 new ones. Then the cycle starts all over again. Everyone has their own opinion about what's wrong and then initiates their own treatment plan, just to have another doctor later throw it all out the window to do what they think is best. Pretty hard to get better under those circumstances. I have recently demanded that she only see her primary from now on, and that anything else has to go through him first...I would love for my mother to come and stay with us. Unfortunately, we are not equipped to deal with her blood sugar crashes (someone would have to be with her all the time), and she can't do the stairs, etc., in our house. She needs someone to help her get dressed too, etc. I have the room and everything. If she could get regulated and back to her "baseline," we'd be set. Grandma would be welcome here in a heartbeat!Blessings,This is something not everyone I talk with understands. Even if Mom was willing to live with my family, we could not leave her alone during the day, or at other times, because she is forgetful enough to possibly do something dangerous like start a fire. I do agree that in the old days, in tight-knit, extended-family communities, things were a lot simpler. What your other family members couldn't help with, the friends and neighbors did. For example, when I was a kid, all the kids on the block had all the parents looking after them. And I'm sure if we had Grandma living with us, we could have called a neighbor and said, "hey, I've got to run out for an hour, can you peek in on Grandma once in while"?The world has changed to one of suburbia, 2 wage earner families, SUV's, and high-stress. Casey

[booker]

I agree totally with you folks. I think it's best when family can help, but that's not normally the case. I had a patient with a very well to do son who took her in and tried to get everything she needed. In two weeks, he called me weeping over the phone, he just couldn't do it anymore. It's a 24/7 job. But, again... what is the option? Dr. Kevorkian? Then again, I have had patient 105 yrs old, fine and dandy. God never promised us a pain free life.

[hummingbird]

We had my grandmother with us when I was going to high school. But mom and dad worked in town (30 minutes away) and the kids were at school, so she was by herself during the day. It just ended up that she couldn't be on her own any more ( she would do things like put soup on the stove for lunch & forget), and we couldn't afford to pay someone to be with her when we weren't there. The first home she went to was very institutional, a big high rise, I didn't like it much. But we managed to find her a place in a kinda rancher style home where she had her own room and there was a cat who came and slept on her bed, and a beautiful garden to sit in, and an old piano to tinker at in the common room. I thought that place was pretty nice.H

[sgs4u]

Hummingbird's post yesterday (Getting Old Really S_ _ ks!), was beautiful and caring. I lost my Mom to cancer 20 years ago few days before Christmas. My dad's never been the same, me either. We also became friends as a result of Mom passing on. When it's time to go, it's never easy or comfortable. There is always beauty revealed when a loved one is preparing to go. I remember how I felt like I was living on another planet, and the only thing that mattered, was feeling the love I had for my Mom. Her last wish was that my Dad be Ok with it all. He is now, most of the time. Whenever I miss her, I give that love to my own wife and kids.I don't know if the pain of losing her will ever go away, but it does get easier. Slowly. It was always tougher for me while she was alive and sick, than after she was gone. A book by Elizabth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying, was very insightful and helped me understand the many different emotions I had to live through. keep your chin up, your guard down thanks for sharinggood luck Craig, and Merry (poignant) Christmas.

[augustheat]

Quote:Yes. Getting old really does s__k! I understand how you feel. My Mom had a major stroke a year ago. Now, she's in a nursing home in diapers. She is basically paralized. She can't read or watch TV because she has lost most of her eyesight. She is in so much pain she has to have pain killers continually which dulls her mind considerably (which is a blessing.) She is trapped in her useless body and she's in pain and bored out of her mind. And just like the Lou Reed song, she still asks all the time to go home...but she's never going home. She is home and there's no Christmas in February. It couldn't have happened to a nicer person. My Mom spent her whole life helping other people ahead of herself. It's just not fair. And she says , "Praise God anyway." It breaks my heart. Life sucks and then you die, as the saying goes. I'm afraid I'm not the one to tell you it's going to get better. Hopefully, someone else can think of a way to cheer you up. You just have to take the bad with the good and don't let the b_st_ards win. Pitter:That's really sad to hear...I must admit, my Mom still has all of her wits about her and can do pretty much what she could do before. Her only handicap now, for lack of a better word, is her blood sugars going all over the map. If she could get that under control, she could go back to having some independence and being on her own, but in an assisted environment.Again, I'm really sorry about your mother's situation. Sounds like she is quite a woman, and has maintained her faith. I guess in the long run, as long as you have that all is really well after all....Blessings,

[augustheat]

Quote:Quote:Rock:I do hear what you're saying. The system is what it is...However, I still think it could run more smoothly. Nothing is perfect, and actually the red tape thing is just a minor obstacle, compared to the other issues we're dealing with...My mom has seen over 10 different doctors, nurses, and medicine specialists in the last few months. One says she has a UTI, the other says she doesn't; then changes his mind. One gives her 9 medicines, the other throws those away and gives her 15 new ones. Then the cycle starts all over again. Everyone has their own opinion about what's wrong and then initiates their own treatment plan, just to have another doctor later throw it all out the window to do what they think is best. Pretty hard to get better under those circumstances. I have recently demanded that she only see her primary from now on, and that anything else has to go through him first...I would love for my mother to come and stay with us. Unfortunately, we are not equipped to deal with her blood sugar crashes (someone would have to be with her all the time), and she can't do the stairs, etc., in our house. She needs someone to help her get dressed too, etc. I have the room and everything. If she could get regulated and back to her "baseline," we'd be set. Grandma would be welcome here in a heartbeat!Blessings,This is something not everyone I talk with understands. Even if Mom was willing to live with my family, we could not leave her alone during the day, or at other times, because she is forgetful enough to possibly do something dangerous like start a fire. I do agree that in the old days, in tight-knit, extended-family communities, things were a lot simpler. What your other family members couldn't help with, the friends and neighbors did. For example, when I was a kid, all the kids on the block had all the parents looking after them. And I'm sure if we had Grandma living with us, we could have called a neighbor and said, "hey, I've got to run out for an hour, can you peek in on Grandma once in while"?The world has changed to one of suburbia, 2 wage earner families, SUV's, and high-stress. CaseyCasey, I'm with you all the way on this topic! Very briefly...Almost two years ago, an elderly friend of mine found out he had lung cancer. His wishes were to die at home. Unfortunately, his house was disaster. It was filthy and cluttered. The social worker stated there would be no way the county would let him go home in those conditions. With time quickly running out, and my friend wanting to go home to die, I sent out a desperate email to my church friends asking for help.To make a long story short, I had over a dozen people show up for two solid days straight to get the home ready for the county inspection. They cleaned, washed, dumped garbage, organized, etc. The home passed, and my friend got to come home for his last two weeks. It couldn't have happened without them...There are still people who will step up when you ask them to..Blessings,

[augustheat]

Thank you all......for your kind words and prayers. I know it's kind of a downer topic. Many of you are in similar or more grave situations that I am with my Mom. She still has all of her charm and wit, can watch TV, and get around with her walker or scooter. I can even take her out to go shopping, although she needs to be watched closer these days. Yet, something as simple as trying to regulate her blood sugar, will necessitate the need for monitored care for the rest of her years. So close, yet so far...Regardless of which "God" or "religion" you adhere to, I wish you all a safe and Happy Holiday season with your loved ones...Blessings,