Gonna Get Hot (Country I guess)

[mikeShort]

This song has a great groove, so I want the lyrics to be top drawer. What do you think?

Gonna Get Hot
by Michael B. Short © 2012

White steam rising off the river
Blue sky laced with haze
Air as still as a panther crouching
And no one's got a word to say

Chorus
I hope you brought some water
You're gonna need it ready or not
Everything changed when you went and got caught, yeah
It's gonna get hot

A mountain cat you never saw coming
Wrapped around your legs and never let go
Sleek and silky quick and cunning
Takes you down and she purrs for show

Chorus

Bridge
Your throat is dry your palms are sweating
Your body starts to cook
She mesmerizes
With her eyes and
You can touch
But you'd better not look

Break

Bridge

Chorus

[simonsays]

Hi Mike,
I like this one a lot. However, there are parts which I don't like as much, where it seems to me like you lost contact with your "Gonna Get Hot" theme.

This song has a great groove, so I want the lyrics to be top drawer. What do you think?

Gonna Get Hot
by Michael B. Short © 2012

White steam rising off the river [ Great first line! White hot imagery ... with some simple alliteration thrown in.]
Blue sky laced with haze [Again, more good imagery ... this time with added assonance.]
Air as still as a panther crouching [ Another great line. Nice tension in this similie! Like the still before the storm. ]
And no one's got a word to say [You lost me a bit here. No-one is too general for me, and seems to imply a larger audience ... instead of just this cat-like woman and the listener. Also, it doesn't lead into the chorus and it's "Gonna Get Hot" concept.]

For example;
Man that jungle heat is on it's way

Chorus
I hope you brought some water
You're gonna need it ready or not [The "ready or not" changes the tone for me ... from sexy to a bit kid like. Might just be me though.]
Everything changed when you went and got caught, yeah
It's gonna get hot [ some repitition might hammer the title home here in the chorus. (ie, Boy, it's gonna get hot, yeah, it's gonna get hot)]

A mountain cat you never saw coming[I pictured a black cat here. Possibly due to the panther reference in the 1st verse, that, and I had Natassia Kinski from the 80's cult hit Cat people in mind at the time]
Wrapped around your legs and never let go [ I think you can do better than "wrapped around your legs" here. "Won't let go" sounds more natural to me.(plus it adds some assonance.]
Sleek and silky quick and cunning
Takes you down and (she) purrs for show [Leading with your (she) sounds better to my ear as it shares assonance with (sleek)]

Chorus

Bridge
Your throat is dry your palms are sweating
Your body starts to cook
She mesmerizes
With her eyes and [I think something like, "Her eyes ... they mesmerise" would be more in keeping with the style of your other lines.]
You can touch [An added (Yeah,) before you?]
But you'd better not look [A twist at the end. Nice!]

Break

Bridge

Chorus

All in all, I think this is a very nice piece. Good job Mike!

Steve (aka, simonsays)

[mikeShort]

Thanks for the comments, Steve.

I'll respond to the weaker lines ...

The idea behind "No one's got a word to say" was to try to invoke the kind of atmosphere that's so suppressing that people don't talk. I understand how I lost you here, and will reconsider the line. Could be as simple as "We ain't got a word to say," although since the singer has plenty to say, that might be a bit ironic.

"Ready or not" used to be "whether or not" which is considerably worse (it seems to refer to the following line, not the previous line and breaks the whole thing. This line doesn't do that, but it may not be strong enough.

Repetition for Gonna Get Hot: there's a ton of repetition in the lick in the music, and the hook line is repeated two more times at the end of the song, which I don't show here. A pause before the line musically also hammers home the hook. There's no way to know that reading the lyrics.

"Black cat": I like that. The black reinforces the less-than-saintly third character, too.

"Won't let go": Clearly better.

The Bridge suggestions don't really fit the music. Probably would have been clearer if I published it like this (I never retyped it after the music settled in):

Your throat is dry your palms are sweatin'
Your body starts to cook
She mesmerizes with her eyes and
You can touch but you'd better not look

The third line has an inside rhyme, and with the "and" a weak rhyme with the first line. It works pretty well.

As always, Steve, great to hear from you and thank you.

[mikeShort]

Four line first verse: You don't got a word to say

Does the oppressively hot thing without introduce extraneous characters. It's better. (It may not be the last version though.) Thanks for prodding.

[simonsays]

Thanks for the comments, Steve.

I'll respond to the weaker lines ...

The idea behind "No one's got a word to say" was to try to invoke the kind of atmosphere that's so suppressing that people don't talk. I understand how I lost you here, and will reconsider the line. Could be as simple as "We ain't got a word to say," although since the singer has plenty to say, that might be a bit ironic.

Ok, I get it now. You covered the visual imagery nicely, so ... I thought you were were going for a sense of sound, or no sounds in this case.

"Ready or not" used to be "whether or not" which is considerably worse (it seems to refer to the following line, not the previous line and breaks the whole thing. This line doesn't do that, but it may not be strong enough.

I like "ready or not" better than "whether or not" as well. I was basically thinking out loud there ... giving you my impressions. Playful can be sexy too! I guess the line just struck me as off tone for this. Again, it may just be me.

Repetition for Gonna Get Hot: there's a ton of repetition in the lick in the music, and the hook line is repeated two more times at the end of the song, which I don't show here. A pause before the line musically also hammers home the hook. There's no way to know that reading the lyrics.

So you did add some more repetition. Good to hear.It makes songs more memorable ,for me at least. Yeah, it can be difficult to catch on to what the writer is going for with no musical accompaniment !

"Black cat": I like that. The black reinforces the less-than-saintly third character, too.

"Won't let go": Clearly better.

The Bridge suggestions don't really fit the music. Probably would have been clearer if I published it like this (I never retyped it after the music settled in):

Your throat is dry your palms are sweatin'
Your body starts to cook
She mesmerizes with her eyes and
You can touch but you'd better not look

Yeah, it's easier to see what you were going for here.

The third line has an inside rhyme, and with the "and" a weak rhyme with the first line. It works pretty well.

As always, Steve, great to hear from you and thank you.

Great to hear from you too! I had stopped writing for a while .... It's good to be back.

[mikeShort]

I stopped, too. At one point, the last eight to ten posts were all by me. It's supposed to be a conversation. I wish more people participated more often. I know time is a premium, but look at this: I have a better song, and Ron has a better song (Everything is Beautiful), because we shared.