"Good For Nothin"

[countrysongwriter1]

We all feel this way, Tell me whats ya think.“Good For Nothin”I ain’t done nothin’ in my life,I just wasted people’s time,Didn’t follow no dreams,Didn’t do what was right for me.(Chorus)Now I’m sweeping the floors,And lockin’ the doors,At burger king.At least I’m good for something,I’m good for nothin’I don’t know why you love me,Cause I ain’t what you see,One day you want something’,I won’t be able to do nothin’ (Chorus)Cause I’m sweeping the floors,And lockin’ the doors,At burger king.At Least I’m good for something,I’m good for nothin’I’ve always dreamed of writin’ songs.But somewhere something went wrong.At some point I fell on my face,And now I’m workin’ for minimum wage.(Chorus)Cause I’m sweeping the floors,And lockin’ the doors,At burger king.At Least I’m good for something,I’m good for nothin’Copyright 2006 Matt Lee

[hummingbird]

Hey Matt - in what context would you like feedback on this song? I wonder if this is commercially viable -- most artists would not want to sing about being 'good for nothing'.There's not much wrong with this lyric in terms of language, but it doesn't move me. I don't get a sense of who the character is in the story. There are no images that show me why I should care about him. The problem I see in this lyric and others you've posted is that I feel no connection to the 'singer'. You tell me things, but it's like the writing is disconnected from you, and therefore, disconnected from me.I think you start out well..I ain’t done nothin’ in my life,I just wasted people’s time,now tell me *how* you wasted peope's timeI wouldn't use "nothing" here because it's in your hookwho is the "you" in this verse? no one has been introduced - except "people"...I don’t know why you love me,Cause I ain’t what you see,*how* are you not what she sees? I also wouldn't use 'nothing' here because it's in your hookI’ve always dreamed of writin’ songs.But somewhere something went wrong. (why)too general:At some point I fell on my face, when was that point, what happened? why?you have a conclusion but I really don't know how you got from wasting people's time, and dreamin of writing songs to...And now I’m workin’ for minimum wage.I can follow this thought...Now I’m sweeping the floors,And lockin’ the doors,At burger king.At least I’m good for something,but I don't know these lines lead to this...I’m good for nothin’If your hook is "good for nothin" then I think everything in the lyric has to clearly point to that idea, every word, every line should show us how you are "good" for "nothing". It might help to write this in third person. Think of your song like a video, see the pictures in your mind and then describe them to us. Use imagery that evokes feeling.just off the top of my head....vs 1I ain’t done nothin’ in my life,Jack lost six years of his lifeI just wasted people’s time,all his grief took so much timeDidn’t follow no dreams,shut the door on his dreamsDidn’t do what was right for me.didn't plant no seeds('cept the ones by her gravestone)vs2I don’t know why you love me,he got a girl named RoseCause I ain’t what you see,she's dressed in ribbons and bows (this is cliche)One day you want something’,he sees the trust in her eyesI won’t be able to do nothin’ shakes him up inside(ev'ry time he sees her runnin' home)I apologize for rewriting but I wanted to give you a concrete example of what I'm talking about. Now we have a character and a relationship. The lines lead us into the payoff of a chorus. We have sense of connectedness with the idea that a father is worried that his daughter might not be proud of him, and we can also sympathize with his loss.I would urge you to read the "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis. A Taxi reviewer recommended it to me in my first critique, and if I had listened, I would have come further faster. I hope this helps a little,cheersHummin'bird