Happy 4th of July.... New Song

[SWD]

Hi Campers!!

Haven't been around for a while, work's keeping me busy. This is one I wrote on The 4th many years ago.... been working on this rewrite for a month or so now.... planning on redoing the vocals but wanted to get some input... lyrics (chorus??!!).... music (thinking AC/Singer songwriter)... mix.... any and all comments welcomed!!!

Peace, Geo


http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_9274704

Lubec America

The fog rolls in on Johnson's Bay its Lubec America we call it LA
The locals that is hanging at Mark's Bar
You were the high school homecoming queen thought our love would last forever or so it seemed
On warm summer nights parked out on the point

Bombs burst in the air 4th of July is here
You held on tight as sky rockets ignite and sailed into the night
Into the night you sailed into the night

You were crying in the back of my black Chevy van had enough of this town and you're making plans
To follow your dreams down highway 1
I hoped one day you would be my bride we'd build a home together start a new life
But that dream drifted out of sight

Singing
Hear them singing

Sky rockets ignite and sailed into the night
Into the night you sailed into the night
You grabbed the world to take a bite said you had to live your own life
Made a choice for wrong or right and you sailed on into the night

Will you be back some day you didn't say I know if you tried you could find your way
To Lubec America we call it LA


Bombs burst in the air 4th of July is here
You held on tight as sky rockets ignite and sailed into the night
Into the night you sailed into the night
You grabbed the world to take a bite said you had to live your own life
Made a choice for wrong or right and you sailed on into the night

[ernstinen]

Hey Geo! Real nice feel and groove on this one... love the rhythm guitars and the bass sound. Classic track!

I don't quite get the title. Who/what is Lubec? My only other comment lyrically is I'd like to hear a rhyme at the end of the verses somehow.

The vocal is really cool, so don't be shy about turning it up a bit so the lyrics pop out better!

Very nice stuff,

Ern

[SWD]

Thanks Ern....

Lubec America is the northern and eastern point in America (Maine). The bridge outa town leads to Nova Scotia.

I was there for the 4th back in the 80's, the parade was like 12 firetrucks, VFW band on a flatbed, 4 girls on tricycles and a clown with an attitude. Mark's Bar was the only bar in town and thankfully opened a couple of weeks before I arrived.

The song was written about a girl I met crying in the back of a black Chevy van who was talking about leaving for the big city.

Glad u like the tune.... I understand the end rhyme comment.... I just wanted to try out a different pattern... more story like

Geo

[Silversun]

Nice...

Like it, although it seems the lyrics are very localised. Might be worth trying to replace the string line with a nice hammond.You know, nice leslie movement would give it a really nice vibe !

[SWD]

Thanks...

I'll give the organ a try..... I know what you mean about the lyrics but in the end I liked the town, the people were cool and I wanted to write a song for/about them... thanks for listening

Peace, Geo

[feaker66]

Geo

Like the pic of you in the car:)

Mike sounds great. Could come up maybe 1db.

Like the chorus guitar, but I hear in the forums here that the sound is "dated" Ha ha

Glad you gave the lyrics a specific. I wrote one about "Olivia" that killed any possibilities of advancement.

Just listening that sweet lead. That you?

Like the chorus alot.

Best to Mike and Kim.

sincerely

Paul

[SWD]

Thanks for the listen Paul....

I pushed up the vocals (haven't uploaded yet) but it sounds good....

That's my bubby Tim from Conn.... known him like 25 years... he's a guitar teacher/session player a great guy and awesome player...

Yeah some songs are what they are.... written for us.... some we rework for "The Man"

Glad you liked it....

Peace, Geo

[sedge]

Hey Geo, you look like my brother in law!

Sounds like you have a lot of words that don't need to be in the verses, especially the first line!
It makes it hard to pick out the melody, could try and identify just what is the core melody, how many syllables (minimum) you have to 'hit' to keep the core tune. Sound 'read' (a bit) more than a tune to whistle.

Appreciate a style thing too, so ignore at will of course!

This line "Bombs burst in the air 4th of July is here " is a good opportunity to strip down and end on the words "4th of July" - get it in there strong so it sticks out like the title by ending on it.

Just some crits from me, always easier to crit others than my own and id say the lyrics need a couple of fine passes yet

no expert, just my brain squaking p2p style

Hope I did good

Sedge