"Hardest Thing To Do" (Country/Lyric)

[dtrain1234]

Hi peeps,

I just have the lyrics for this song but I want to get feedback on it before I find a collaborator to put music to it. Not sure which bridge to use and the last two lines in verse two seem odd to me. I'm picturing this song as a ballad for an artist like Rascal Flatts or Love and Theft. Thanks for your time and suggestions.

"Hardest Thing To Do"
Lyrics (C) Darin Martin 2012

Verse One
I don't want to talk about it if you didn't see my love
I'm sorry my love for you wasn't good enough
Didn't see it comin', I thought our love wouldn't come to an end
I said I would but I don't want to be just friends

Chorus
Sometimes loving you is the hardest thing to do
It hurts the most when I don't want it to
Thinking' about what I did and didn't do with you
You don't know loving you is the hardest thing to do
I promised myself I wouldn't cry
I keep waking up in the middle of the night
These tears I'm cryin' are my best friends tonight
Lovin' girls like you is the hardest thing to do

Verse Two
It must have been somethin' I did but I'll never know
It doesn't matter now, it'll be hard to let you go
Do you think you're not pretty enough for me to hold
I need to go back inside the house, it's getting cold

Chorus

Instrumental Break

Bridge
Sometimes things in life are out of our control
Like who we fall in love with and when it's time to let them go

Or

Some good things don't always remain
You were for me, I wish you felt the same

Chorus

- Darin

[DonnaMarilyn]

Hi Darin, I remember the original from JPF. Some of the comments below include ones I made there. I hope they're useful. And bear in mind that they're only one person's opinion.

I'd suggest getting a clear focus on the story and details, and tightening up the sections.

As this is country, be sure to provide specific imagery, 'visual furniture' to capture and maintain the listener's interest. At the moment, it's all 'tell' and no 'show'.

Write in a way that appeals to each of the senses - this will draw the listener in, make her/him a willing participant in the unfolding of the story.

It might be helpful to first create a storyboard for the song, to set up focus and clarity.
Determine the characters, the plot, the details.
Determine what emotion you want listeners to feel, and carefully choose words that are geared towards eliciting that emotion, especially as this is intended as a ballad.

Basically, you have a good, universal theme. People will relate to the situation. If you can make the lyric punchier by using concrete images - visual furniture - this will help keep listeners glued to the song. I also think it's important here to give the singer a backbone. Maybe show him hurting but struggling to get over the break-up; he's in emotional pain, but hasn't lost his own identity or belief that it's possible to find lasting love. Or something along those lines. The guy here isn't sympathetic. Instead - at least to me - he comes across as whiny and weak; the listener might be more likely to think that's why the girl dumped him. Both characters - the singer and the singee - need to be built up to appear real. For instance, in RF's song 'She's Leaving', imagery relating to the girl makes her alive. And even though the boyfriend is mentioned only briefly, we still have an idea of what might have led up to that goodbye scenario. Most importantly, the girl - despite hurting badly - can be perceived as strong. This is shown, for example, in the bridge, and in mention of the red light turning green. She's made the decision to get on with her life.

I know you can pull this together.

Donna

"Hardest Thing To Do"
Lyrics (C) Darin Martin 2012

Verse One Wordy, and doesn't tell us what actually happened. Plan every action in each 'scene'. Use words that show clearly what went on. A song is more or less a three- to three-and-a-half minute movie, so every 'shot' has to support the theme and the mood.
I don't want to talk about it if you didn't see my love Wordy, and vague for a first line. Grab the listener by the throat right from the get-go. The line also contradicts itself, since the singer does go on to talk about it.
I'm sorry my love for you wasn't good enough The singer sounds kind of whiny. It's important to consider the artist for whom you envisage a song, and what kind of persona he/she wants to project.
Didn't see it comin', I thought our love wouldn't come to an end Why didn't he see it coming? What made him so sure the love would last?
I said I would but I don't want to be just friends

Chorus Needs shortening/tightening up and a stronger focus to be punchy and memorable. Each of the 8 lines has a separate idea in it.
Sometimes loving you is the hardest thing to do The sense isn't clear. Presumably he doesn't want to love her, since she's dumped him. Isn't it more a case of him finding life really hard because he still does love her? And the hard thing is to stop loving her? The wording of the line implies that he's trying hard to love her but it's difficult.
It hurts the most when I don't want it to
Thinking' about what I did and didn't do with you What did he do or not do?
You don't know loving you is the hardest thing to do
I promised myself I wouldn't cry Lines 5 & 6 sound more like verse material.
I keep waking up in the middle of the night
These tears I'm cryin' are my best friends tonight
Lovin' girls like you is the hardest thing to do Why 'girls like you'? This distracts, and weakens the impact. Keep the focus tight. The statement is also contradictory, because - as I understand it - the story is about it being hard to stop loving the girl.

Verse Two
It must have been somethin' I did but I'll never know This makes him sound weak and even a little thick. How could he not know?
It doesn't matter now, it'll be hard to let you go Why doesn't it matter? And if it doesn't matter, why is he singing about it?
Do you think you're not pretty enough for me to hold Lines 3 & 4 aren't connected to the previous lines. The line also makes it sound like it's the girl who was having doubts.
I need to go back inside the house, it's getting cold What house? This line changes the mood.

Chorus

Instrumental Break

Both bridges are philosophical. How about nitty-gritty details, something to pull the story forward. The bridge should - or can - have as much punch as the chorus.

Bridge
Sometimes things in life are out of our control
Like who we fall in love with and when it's time to let them go

Or

Some good things don't always remain
You were for me, I wish you felt the same

Chorus

- Darin

[Casey H]

I didn't go through the whole song here and I'm not all that qualified on country lyrics. But one thing that jumped right out at me when I started reading was you used the word "love" in each of the first 3 lines. Although it's hard to tell without music, in general, you want to vary up the words and not reuse the same word as much. It's best to find other ways to say things and not be as repetitive.

Best of luck,
Casey