Have Bed: Need killer lyrics and Vox!

Songwriting, songwriters, etc

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thegajman
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Have Bed: Need killer lyrics and Vox!

Post by thegajman » Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:18 pm

I have one of those songs that I've been wrestling with (for about 3 years!). There have been multiple versions of it (male and female) with different lyrics and melodies, and a ton of different arrangements/mixes.

I know there are songs that you just need to "let go of" after multiple returns, but I'm still happy with the music bed (apart from the dreary opening) and song structure of this one (happy to hear differing opinions on that) and I still think it has potential. I just haven't been able to write a current sounding melody and lyrics.

In the critique of my latest return for it's latest incarnation "Suddenly", I scored well in terms of Song Structure, Production, Engineering and Musicianship (all 8's).. but it was the melody and lyrics that let it down.

Here is the music bed...
https://soundcloud.com/user-121415238/music-bed/s-k1Ncv

(I'm reluctant to post the completed song because I don't want to limit anyone's creativity as far as the melody that this song needs.)

Here's an excerpt from the super helpful critique - thank you screener #368 !...

The stylistic direction of your composition "Suddenly" would likely be considered contemporary pop by most definitions and standards of measure. There are a lot of solid elements to this production, but it needs updating in the way the writing is done particularly the phrasing and rhythm of the melodic content being sung for it to be as viable as necessary.

Thank you Glenn taking the time to submit your track "Suddenly"" to be evaluated by me and the Taxi team. You have solid production that incorporates a lot of what has been happening in contemporary pop lately. Still. an important aspect to pay attention to however is keeping the vocal production and arrangements contemporary also. You made solid production choices, but you also need to pay close attention to how the writing is done. Not only the rhythmic phrasing of the material but also the vernacular. All of these elements contribute to whether a song sounds "current" or not. In this case you have a lot elongated phrasing with a legato delivery and contemporary music invariably has shorter "choppier" rhythmic phrasing.

The main reason that your composition ""Suddenly" is not moving in a forward direction is that it is structurally inconsistent with what the listing description asks for in terms of creating current songs. The production of the music is fairly competitive but the writing upon the top of it doesn't keep up with the rhythm, phrasing and vernacular, indicative of today's music.



Is there anyone out there that would like to collaborate with me on this? I'd love to work with someone that can write modern catchy melodies and lyrics.

Thanks!
Glenn

melodymessiah
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Re: Have Bed: Need killer lyrics and Vox!

Post by melodymessiah » Tue Aug 29, 2017 5:58 pm

pm'd you.

NoizeeBhoy
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Re: Have Bed: Need killer lyrics and Vox!

Post by NoizeeBhoy » Wed Aug 30, 2017 12:51 pm

Nice track - got a ark edgy kinda vibe to it. The right topline and lyrics could ignite it I guess...

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