This is good! But I don't want to make it about 'us'. I want that tension-release between verse and chorus.
To do this I want the listener to think they don't have a chance with this person in the verse, but I don't want the singer to say 'YOU don't have a chance with ME'. You see?
I want the verse to be conversational about how the listener thinks he/she doesn't stand a chance, until the chorus - BAMM! She smiled at you!!
just my 2 cents again,lol. the listener doesn't want the person in the verse, the singer is conversationally telling the listener about their experience, and hopefully the listener can relate and is drawn in. A song doesn't happen in real time and not knowing
the outcome. You can set the listener up for a surprise ending or a twist in the plot, but it's not that the singer didn't already know the outcome, it must be plausible and facts shouldn't appear out of the blue or contradict what you said in the verse, unless it's a Perry Mason episode where court is interrupted by some newfound facts,lol!
One way to approach what you are trying to do is have the singer list reasons why she shouldn't like him, he's in a band, he's poor he's just not her type... sure it's probably the same plot or theme used in a thousand songs, but there is really only so many themes anyhow, unless you are doing something that is outside the norm or reality, but then you'd have to explain in a plausible manner how that is possible, like you are invisible and a scientist invented a potion to make you invisible.