Here I Stand - Wedding Song

[mojobone]

First off, FAIL for using the word "destiny" right there in the first line. (okay, this is a pet peeve of mine, talk to me after you've heard the same whiny singer-songwriter drone on about it for six minutes at a time at four straight open mic nights and it's the only intelligible word in the entire two-chord "song"-I've been this way since nineteen eighty-something, gotta admit that clown sure made an impression...) Some of the lines could use a more conversational flow, (particularly the first line) and I think the hook melody could be more dynamic. Maybe a descending line for the words, "here I stand" would suggest coming to rest; planting yourself in the fertile soil of her, erm, love. So to speak.

[sgs4u]

Dec 12, 2008, 2:19pm, mojobone wrote:First off, FAIL for using the word "destiny" Doh, Ow. I understand...

[heinsite]

hi steve!you--pompous??? LOL....now that is a joke from a supposedly pompous ass (you) and another (me) anyone who thinks that for either of us (hell, at least me....are you laughing?, i am..) well, doesn't get it...this has been a bad day, another trio, quatro? of taxi turn downs, but many good things as well, and this tune,,,,,though it needs to SLOW THE F-ING DOWN my friend IMHO,is quite nice.....here's my non-musician critique, as always...--nice piano work buddy--real down home--as i said, slow the damn tune down, and don't crowd the lyrics man....--but the verse is just fine with the things i said above taken into serious consideration (he said bravely to an icon on the web and taxi..)--and damn, i have to now retool, and listen for the 2nd time...just stopped...--ok, the chorus, infamous chorus...like many tunes.--first thing i'm hearing is what i trust, and that is just the chorus'ssss, "your man" just is not "involved" enough, and doesn't linger enough, not just in meter/time, but in lyric...now you know i'm no musician, but i hope you get what i'm saying--the "your man" just comes to fast and seems somewhat hurried....---the rest of the tune to me is pretty ok, i'd complicate the lyrics a bit more (if you're trying to sell this, but my guess is you already have!) "today's the answer to my prayers" is a bit used up, no?--melodically, i like this allot, except of course that the "you're man" just seems too "short" of a phrase, but what the hell do i know--and i already said it up there? --and frankly more, or more frankly (i'll take mine with mustard and sweet relish and onions please...) if this is JUST for you and your wife, hell, scratch all that i said.who's the damn piano player BTW? he did a very nice job!! can he do that for one of my tunes someday???all the best,warren

[ideascapes]

Steve,Whatever you do with this song, definitely save the original as a piece of personal history!You asked for more comments, but I'm mostly going to cop out and echo what others have said. It's a good sounding demo, so don't sell yourself short on that. Good feel. Piano really well done (guitar too). Verses crowded, especially following first chorus.Your chorus is interesting--it sounds more like a pre-chorus, the way it continues to climb until reaching the title line. To make it bigger, you might launch right into some declarative line such as, "I'm your man!" What I'm hearing, just to give another perspective:I'm your manStanding here waiting for our life to startUnderstand.........I'm your manI also wrote a song for my wedding, but chickened out and tapped on friends to form a choir to play and sing.Vince

[allends]

Dec 11, 2008, 5:00pm, sgs4u wrote:...This is one of the very few songs that I've ever composed that wasn't a co-write. But please rip it up or tell me truthfully what you think. I ain't scared. Hi Steve,I'll bet you could outdo yourself with this lovely song if you revisited it again today, but I'm too sentimental to critique such a heart-felt song. Thanks for the warm reminder of how it felt for my sweetheart and me 26 years ago.-Allen

[matthoggard]

Steve,I agree that the destiny line is a tad cheesy. Im sure this was written "in the moment" so Ill bet it really fit how you were feeling.Lyrically its impressive that each line is a stand alone line and doesnt need the support of the preceding line. That is, each line makes a statement of its own and supports the entire story.I like the build in the Prechorus. Your hook lines are great. "Here I stand, more than I am."That is really good for a country song. Very poignant and honest.I think the only thing lacking is a big chorus delivery. Dont worry about the demo as is. I think it warrants a good Nashville demo. I think the right mix of instruments and a little melody tweak in the chorus could really bring this to life. I could hear this as a James Otto thing. Country soul is how he describes his music.M~

[jwebbinspired]

Steve, This is a very nice song. I'm glad I got to hear this before Majorshadow buried it. I really like the melody, primarily in what I am calling the prechorus "Just what did I do..." I like the contrast from the verse. The destiny line is ok, I don't know about cheesy, but I'm sure there are better words. I do, however, think you could up the anty on this one. Wedding songs are always wanted and can potentially be big money makers. But I don't think this one is quite there. I think the chorus needs to be bigger. I would make the word "stand" higher. Thanks for posting! Good stuff.Andy

[partyofone]

Hi Steve!I like the overall flow melodically and section to section. What I'd like to hear and to me what would grab me more in chorus is to have the 2nd line ascend more melody wise. For instance, on the 2nd "here I stand" in the first chorus I'd like to here it lift more or maybe instead of melody have some different chordal motion. Sorry that's vague! Also, IMHO, the "friends and family" line didn't seem to flow as much as some of the other lines... (although I'm sure you could make a case that it's cooler that way).Your piano playing is great! Best of luck on it!

[jeep]

Steve it just seems to me the chrous needs more..amd what genre are you going towards,,I like the song,very heartfelt..Dave

[billg]

I think the lyrics are perfect. I'm not so sure that if this was marketed strictly as a wedding song you'd have to worry about having a stronger chorus etc. (how the heck do you market a wedding song?)Anyway, I'm going to copy & paste your lyrics, remove your name and tell my wife that I wrote it for her. I've got a feeling that I'll get "lucky" so thanks in advance