i want a lyric review!!!!

[margajee]

song 1, Hey Woman
Hey Woman

Hey Woman, I can see what you’ve been through
By the look in your eyes and by the way you walk, rain or shine
Hey Woman, I wonder if you really know what’s your worth
No matter what you have been told and what you had to do to be loved
‘cause you know, no matter how much you have been hurt
nothing can destroy your heart
nothing can destroy your love
they belong to a woman

put your hands on your hips, take a look at the sky
don’t you know it’s yours and mine and it is divine
put your hands on your hips, take a look at the sky
don’t you know it’s yours and mine and it is divine
you’re the mother of all and you’re the child too
this is the mistery of me and you

Hey Woman, claim the sky…

Hey Woman, can you hear my call? Can you hear me?
(I hear you, I hear you, I hear you…)
I am singing for you, I am singing for you
‘cause I can feel what you feel
and if you cry I will cry
so sing with me tonite

put your hands on your hips, take a look at the sky...


song 2: baby, baby

Baby, baby it’s been a long time since that lonesome day I met you
When the summer was just new
And sweet lazy blues ballads were the soundtrack of those days
When we learnt that we were friends
And since then something new is in my heart that was not there before
A sweet and tender corner meant for you
The first time I felt how much I loved you, baby

Baby, baby life brought us apart and we couldn’t even say we choosed it
Just the wheel had turned sad
And the last time I touched your face was the time when I told you “Baby, baby I promise I’ll come back”
But life did not allow it and that winter of goodbye turned out to be your very last
You couldn’t wait for me despite you loved me, baby

Baby, baby I wasn’t there when darkness fell into your eyes
but I felt from far away
That your graceful soul was leaving this graceless land of living beings
as the winter sky turned red
And since then something has been missing
But a breeze of life comes from time to time, out of nothingness
just to remind us how we loved each other well

thanks

[bucyboy]

What genre did you have in mind for this lyric and what tempo? ex. Country, pop, new age, etc.

[margajee]

actually they are songs already, you can check them up at

www.taxi.com/margajee

lol

[bucyboy]

Since you already have music for your lyric, I would post this under peer to peer. That way you should receive a lot of reviews on both the lyric and the music. Also, a lot more writers seem to visit the peer to peer postings than the lyric lovers postings.

Buc

[grandsoul]

actually they are songs already, you can check them up at

http://www.taxi.com/margajee

lol

Post it on Pier to Pier.

The song is rather nice. The structure is well done.

Suggest trimming down the intro, it was somewhat too alt sounding. This would throw a lot of people .
In the later part, don't overuse the chorus. Good for repeatance, but trim it down so you're not torturing your audience with it.
The later part of the song should have a build up in the later chorus so it doesn't sound like it was just repeated for the heck of it or being self indulgent. It would also fill up the sound overall, which overall the song could use some internal tonal padding.

Very good song.

Grandsoul

http://www.youbloom.com/web/luciusaustin
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