Is the meaning too vague?

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momof4
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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by momof4 » Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:08 am

Alright, my elderly friends (haha), I tossed the Fantasy Island reference...although, in my mind, it made me think of Disneyland...but anyhoo, what do you think of this revised chorus? SoLighthouse, shine no moreOn fantasy’s distant shoreI can’t go on like thisHoldin’ on to empty promisesThat I’ve risked everything forSo, Lighthouse, shine no more

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by momof4 » Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:55 am

sorry to bug about this, but anyone think my new chorus works better than the previous? (read my last comment) thanks!

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by timbehrens » Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:54 am

I like the new chorus... I definitely had the same reaction as andreh, where the image of Fantasy Island was just too strong because of the show and the little guy saying "the plane, the plane".... your new chorus works nicely though. And I really like the lyrics. I think they are well crafted and well thought out. Do you have ideas for the music for this yet?Best wishes. --Tim

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by momof4 » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:57 am

Thanks, Tim! Music, yeah, well...that's not my forte. Haha. No, but really, that's where I'm the weakest. I've got kind of an idea, but the problem is that I usually right country stuff, and this doesn't really seem country to me. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like it doesn't have enough details to be country. BTW, KCMO is a great city, isn't she?! Give her my love!Erin

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by momof4 » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:58 am

oh, WOW...make that "usually WRITE country stuff". guess I should've previewed that one...

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by timbehrens » Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:12 pm

Hey there. Yeah, I wish I knew... I hear a lot of country melodies, too, but most of my writing tends to be abstract. I don't think my words tell enough of a visual story to work for that genre. Still, though, as I read your words, I do hear a nice acoustic sound... a Nanci Griffith or Dar Williams kind of sound. On the other hand, I could hear some nice sound beds... some strings and an ethereal kind of Pink Floydian thing. I will say hello to KC for you. Have you lived here before? It's a good place. There are times when I wish I had wandered to more distant shores (have spent most of my life in the MidWest), but roots are strong and I have a nice community here now. I keep reminding myself that I can travel when the urge arises. And the barbecue and jazz are great here... Best wishes. --Tim

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by momof4 » Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:16 pm

Jack Stack is my fave...yum! Yeah, we lived there for a bit. I miss it immensely!

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by linziellen » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:45 am

Elderly <--- 80's girl here! Always thought the 60's would have better suited me, my parents almost called me Fleur!Anyway, I like these lyrics a lot, especially the title and chorus - great imagery and I'd say you did a good job of throwing a different "light" on the subject (sorry)! I've never heard of Fantasy Island, guess it depends where you're from/or which era. I bet you guys know nothing about button moon lol!So...off with me!

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Re: Is the meaning too vague?

Post by Casey H » Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:59 am

Hi Mom!Nice lyrics... I only briefly scanned the other comments... De plane, boss! De plane!To all: If that's not familiar to you then you've never seen Fantasy Island... I agree that you should get rid of that-- too dated & most people won't get it.To answer your question, yes it is a little too vague for today's standards... but not off my much. I think most pro-reviewers would say you need to add a little more depth to the story. What did the miserable SOB do to her? "Lighthouse Shine No More", the double negative... I think that works in a genre like Blues but not country, pop, etc... You could probably come up with a phrase that works without the double...Good luck with it! Dad Of 2

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