Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you ok?""I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"The woman nodded, "Pepper."

[davekershaw]

Quote:The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[ibanez468]

GOOD one!

[byllsong]

Good one Rach

[davekershaw]

[davekershaw]

Mar 17, 2009, 1:34am, byllsong wrote: Oh, by theway, what's in the other bag?""Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

[crystallions]

A friend sent this to me today and I couldn't help but chuckle so I thought I'd pass it on...~ Lydia--------This comes from a Catholic elementary school test. The children were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by the children. They have not been retouched or corrected. If you know the Bible even a little you will enjoy these.Can you imagine yourself being the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNTCYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

[Casey H]

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."George said, "Okay."He hung up the phone and counted to 30.Then he phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" Don't mess with old people!

[mazz]

This one goes out to Von:After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moved out of the house and Mom and Dad announced they are getting a divorce.The kids are distraught and hired a marriage counselor as a last resort at keeping the parents together.The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other.Finally, the counselor goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful upright Bass, and begins to play.After a few moments, the couple starts talking. They discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try.The kids are amazed and ask the counselor how he managed to do it.He replies, "I've never seen anyone who wouldn't talk during a bass solo."

[himynameisbuddy]

What's the last thing the drummer says before he's kicked out of the band?"Hey, guys, I wrote some songs!"