Lake City, Tennessee (PLEASE REVIEW)

[countrysongwriter1]

I wrote this bout my hometown.What's yall think.“Lake City, Tennessee”I was in my hometown last week,When it occurred to me,Every thing I’m missing out on,In a place I used to call home,So I walk into the Hillbilly Market,Off of Norris Freeway,To say hey to my buddy ClayGonna get some Tator logs,And a few hot dogs(Chorus)When ya get off of I -75,There’s a, place where a buddy of mine,Works, at an, all you can eat KFC, There’s a sign, across the streetSays welcome to Lake City, TennesseeRight off of main street,Is Coal Creek.There’s old man Cox,He has problems with the cops,There’s Dutch Valley,All you see is land,Its like havin’ everything in your hand,There’s that old house, I grew up in,I start to cry, cause this is where it all begins.(Chorus)When ya get off of I -75,There’s a, place where a buddy of mine,Works, at an, all you can eat KFC, There’s a sign, across the streetSays welcome to Lake City, TennesseeBridge:After seein these mountain views,I’m gonna refuse,To back to the city,Cause if I do, I’ll go crazy.(Chorus)When ya get off of I -75,There’s a, place where a buddy of mine,Works, at an, all you can eat KFC, There’s a sign, across the streetSays, welcome to Lake City, Tennessee

[lwj001]

OK, let's carve it up. 1st stanza, 4th line: need to start with "Is". Here's my rewrite:I was in my hometown last week,When it occurred to me,That every thing for which I seekIs in a place I used to call homerewrite of the chorus:(Chorus)When ya get off of I -75There’s a place where a buddy of mineWorks at the all you can eat KFCAnd across the street there's a signSays welcome to Lake City, Tennesseenext rewrite:Right off main street, (dropped "of")Is Coal Creek.There’s old man Cox,Who has problems with the cops, (replaced "He" with "Who")next rewrite:There’s Dutch Valley,All you see is land,Its like havin’ everything in your hand,There’s that old house, I grew up in,I start to cry, cause this is where it all began(instead of "begins", "began" rhymes with hand, and we're talking about history, not the present)next rewrite:Bridge:After seein these mountain views,I’m gonna refuse,To back to the city,Cause if I do, It would be a pity (I’ll go crazy - no rhyme)I don't think it will make the Top 10, but then I don't think my Conroe, Texas would either.At least , now we know where you're from.http://www.pic-a-pagediscounts.com/Real ... yrics.html

[countrysongwriter1]

Thank you, I knew it wasn't like to good, it was just a song I wrote bout my hometown, but thank you for your suggestions, not many people reply's to my posts, Thank you again