Let's see what you think about! Purple Hearts

[mikehelms]

Thank you Steve I was wondering all day how I might have Screwed the Pooch here...One of my things when I write lyrics is I have this thing for dual intentions.. some are lost, some are way out there, some are just my thinking something is obvious when it's not.. Lesson never assume!!!On the Pitch thing... yeah your right.. that's one of the things that bothered me about the recording .. and the request came from the people(band), I was recording with at the time..(mostly live in studio) they said no that's cool... it sounds good!! It's funny that Vicky said she expected hard rock or a heavier sound cause that's how I was doing it.. when they said try it like this... Just collaberating... when or if!! I get a chance to re record it.. I will try to stay better in tune. and maybe there is a stronger way to exsprese... the emotion... It just hasn't accurd to me yet.. thanks again for your impute and time.Michael

[hummingbird]

I've been thinking about this song. IMO you have two ideas going on here. 1) A soldier reflecting on the cost of war -- fallen comrades (grains of sand), blind obedience (blank eyes they stare), why war is necessary (whose watch are they keeping). The imagery is there in vs 1 & 2 but the chorus doesn't pull it together - it switches to theme #2.2) A soldier away from home, missing home, wanting to be home. But there is nothing about home in the song - no images, no memories. Just statements 'I miss you tonight; and there’s a hole in my life; I send you my love.' I think a songwriter should strive to use imagery to convey emotion - instead of saying "I miss you mom" - you say "you smile out of the picture I hold in my hand" the reason "And momma in God we Trust" has been pointed out is that there is nothing in the lines before it that leads the reader to know that it's momma you're talking to (I thought it was a wife or girlfriend), and also, it seems to contradict verse 2 when you make a profound political statement about ever-present death (and then negate it with the throw-away line "is anyone out there anyway).Lastly, the hook is "grains of sand" and I like that. Grains of sand are falling... time is passing, perhaps will run out... also, it's an allegory for soldiers falling... 53 Canadians in Afganistan... and many many more Americans in Iran. When will it end?In your reply to the feedback, you explained the song. The thing is, we GOT the song. We know what the song is about, or what you are trying to say in the song. But the point is, it isn't working as is. It doesn't mean it can't, but it needs more work, and you need to decide exactly what the song is about and write that story using imagery & good structure. And then there are the production notes on pitch & style. That's assuming, of course, that you want this song to represent you as an artist/songwriter in the marketplace.Personally, I think if you rewrote this to be edgy & on theme #1 you would have something. Or, you can write a sweet ballad about being in a foxhole missing mom. I'm just not sure that you can mix the two together effectively. A song should only have one idea.

[mikehelms]

Ok... actually the momma line was meant to be whichever applied to the listener more.. wife mother girlfriend..?but lets see if I'm listening? or hearing you...?God I miss you tonight and there's a hole in my lifea misdst the death till my last breathI've got you on my mind ( or, I see you in my Mind)and I send you my loveand momma in god we trustI'm not trying to hold on to the momma line .. Just trying to see if I can strengthen it... in a quick off the top of my head..you both like different lines.. but not the momma...?As to defining my writing Steve... I don't know.. I've got some different stuff...And this song started out being very Flloydish.. Acoustic with heavy guitar...I posted it trying to put a good foot forward... and I'm not adverse to changeing..I just don't know when I could get that done!!My recording capabilities Have diminished recently...(to guitar and Me)I'll post you a example... with what I've got available.. and the other style I can write in...The thing I would say is the perspectives you express are very eye opening... It seems that maybe I've tried to be to broad in my attempt to allow the listener make up there mind on how they perceive the intention of a line.. being more specific.. and not wandering ... are a couple of things I think I'm being taught here! Michael