Live Your Life Your Way

[rblight]

The problem with this song is not the production, but rather the lyric. I am really open to suggestions and/or comments on this because I believe with a killer hook, it has a chance to really be a great song.http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... D=6673793I had this song professionally critiqued and while the feedback was mostly positive, there were some issues that the reviewer felt needed to be addressed, all dealing with the lyrics. The original lyrics are as follows, with problems cited by the reviewer in boldface and his comments in brackets. Overall, the reviewer wanted to see more FIGHT and ATTITUDE.Voices echo all around you And you're swayed by what they say One voice tells you to move forward One advises you to stay You don't know which one to follow So get up and lead the way There's no use feeling down You can't relive those yesterdays You'll only shine tomorrow If you light your path today [The reviewer felt that the final line was too 'lightweight']Take hold of your dreams, and the fear will fade away Take hold of your world, and the sun will shine your way Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way [The reviewer felt that the chorus needed to be re-done/strengthened]All the counsel you're receiving Does it help you see the light? Has it answered all those questions? Can it tell you wrong from right? Does it make you want to give up? Or get up and start to fight? There's no use staying mad You can't change anything by might You'll never find the answer If the question blinds your sight Take hold of your dreams, and the fear will fade away Take hold of your world, and the sun will shine your way Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way You're a special kind of person And there's only one of you No one else can put the magic In those simple things you do All you need is right inside you You need only find a way So get up and take command of your today[The reviewer felt that the bridge read too much like a greeting card]Take hold of your dreams, and the fear will fade away Take hold of your world, and the sun will shine your way Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way Take hold of your dreams, and the fear will fade away Take hold of your world, and the sun will shine your way Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way The world is yours today, if you live your life your way The world is yours today, if you live your life your way _______________Here are the current changes:Voices echo all around you And you're swayed by what they say One voice tells you to move forward One advises you to stay You don't know which one to follow So get up and lead the way There's no use feeling down You can't relive your yesterdays No force on earth can stop youIf you live your life your wayBelieve in yourself, and the world won't bring you downNo door is too big; if it closes, break it down Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way All the counsel you're receiving Does it help you see the light? Has it answered all those questions? Can it tell you wrong from right? Does it make you want to give up? Or get up and start to fight? There's no use staying mad You can't change anything by might You'll never find the answer If the question blinds your sight Believe in yourself, and the world won't bring you downNo door is too big; if it closes, break it down Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way Show them poise and self-assuranceAnd they'll never walk on youIf they knock you down, get back upIf they block your path, break throughAll you need is right inside you You can always find a way So stand up and take command of your todayBelieve in yourself, and the world won't bring you downNo door is too big; if it closes, break it down Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way Believe in yourself, and the world won't bring you downNo door is too big; if it closes, break it down Take the night; make it light, and the dark will drift away The world is yours today, if you live your life your way The world is yours today, if you live your life your way The world is yours today, if you live your life your way

[rblight]

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[zoom]

Hey there!I like the changes you have so far... but if you're going to write lyrics like that, be ready to back it up with a SUPER strong vocal with attitude, and maybe going toward an even harder rock tune. I'm thinking a la Foo Fighters.One more lyric change to suggest, coming from an American.... All the counsel you're receiving Does it help you see the light? Not only is it quite a passive line in a now 'in-your-face' song, but it reads very.... British. In America, we don't get counsel unless we're gettin' sued! Nice work, and I look forward to when you post the next cut of it!

[momof4]

i would also look at the line that says "you can't change anything by might"...no one really ever talks about "might" these days. to me, the line just sounds like you wrote it just b/c you needed a rhyme. just my thoughts. i really like your "if it closes, break it down" line..nice!

[feaker]

Good tuneWith the build up, would have been a great american idol entry.Sincerely Paul

[rblight]

Jul 9, 2008, 8:52pm, momof4 wrote:i would also look at the line that says "you can't change anything by might"...no one really ever talks about "might" these days. to me, the line just sounds like you wrote it just b/c you needed a rhyme. just my thoughts. i really like your "if it closes, break it down" line..nice!You are totally right about that. It was written that way because I needed a rhyme, but the first rule of good lyric writing is that you should NEVER force a rhyme.

[rblight]

Jul 9, 2008, 8:33pm, zoom wrote:Hey there!I like the changes you have so far... but if you're going to write lyrics like that, be ready to back it up with a SUPER strong vocal with attitude, and maybe going toward an even harder rock tune. I'm thinking a la Foo Fighters.One more lyric change to suggest, coming from an American.... All the counsel you're receiving Does it help you see the light? Not only is it quite a passive line in a now 'in-your-face' song, but it reads very.... British. In America, we don't get counsel unless we're gettin' sued! Nice work, and I look forward to when you post the next cut of it!Hmmm! That never dawned on me but you could be right. Still, the use of the word 'counsel' is consistent with how people in the USA use it (Are you getting counseling for that?). Maybe it is the form of the word. In the USA, maybe you can 'get counseling' but you can't 'get counsel'. The former strikes me as perfectly OK while the latter does seem a bit British! Anyone else want to weigh in?

[zoom]

exactly right on the contrast with counsel.... 'getting counsel' for us yanks seems too intelligent and therefor high brow. You gotta remember that all of our television programs are written for 6 year olds... except for our kids' shows which are written for 12 year olds.

[smaltonian]

Rblight....1st a question ??? Does this song by any chance have it's origin & roots in CCM ??? If so it's perfect for Contemporary Christian Music...If not, you are gonna keep hearing the critiques you are hearing....."By might" is a Christian saying first off......And would be totally acceptable....Everyone else wants a re-write....Personally, I would think long and hard before I changed that chorus....It says everything you "wanted" it to say....Wasn't that the message you felt to convey in the first place...Isn't this probably where you got the idea for the WHOLE DARN SONG. ???? Didn't you write everything around this chorus ????So now a professional critique says change it.....So what !!!! I'm gonna go on record and say this.....You will regret changing that chorus....It's what the whole song is about....It's a positive song with a cool ALT sound....The world needs tunes like this....WAYYYYYYYYYY too much darkness going on.Anyways read the first 6 lines of your tune to yourself......and then decide....Do what you want, do what you will, but I wouldn't change this Chorus...........AND (this is an edit 30 minutes later).....Not only should you live your life your way....YOU SHOULD WRITE YOUR SONG YOUR WAY....Bottom line....There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing wrong with that Chorus

[rblight]

Jul 11, 2008, 5:38pm, smaltonian wrote:Rblight....1st a question ??? Does this song by any chance have it's origin & roots in CCM ??? If so it's perfect for Contemporary Christian Music...If not, you are gonna keep hearing the critiques you are hearing....."By might" is a Christian saying first off......And would be totally acceptable....Everyone else wants a re-write....Personally, I would think long and hard before I changed that chorus....It says everything you "wanted" it to say....Wasn't that the message you felt to convey in the first place...Isn't this probably where you got the idea for the WHOLE DARN SONG. ???? Didn't you write everything around this chorus ????So now a professional critique says change it.....So what !!!! I'm gonna go on record and say this.....You will regret changing that chorus....It's what the whole song is about....It's a positive song with a cool ALT sound....The world needs tunes like this....WAYYYYYYYYYY too much darkness going on.Anyways read the first 6 lines of your tune to yourself......and then decide....Do what you want, do what you will, but I wouldn't change this Chorus...........AND (this is an edit 30 minutes later).....Not only should you live your life your way....YOU SHOULD WRITE YOUR SONG YOUR WAY....Bottom line....There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing wrong with that ChorusYou are not the only person to say that. i agree that the original chorus is better than the re=write and have decided to keep it. I will probably only change the bridge and last two lines of the first verse. I will also likely factor in some of the very good suggestions given here regarding certain words/phrases.