Living In Purgator-y

[deantaylor]

Casey,I think it is a winner. I like BFlats rendition too. He gets some pretty good emotion into this simple draft. Like the lyric. I actually kinda like your clumsy line, too, but if you are gonna change it .. the word fire would be a nice one to get in the song somewhere or others similar words .. flame ...Dean

[Casey H]

Thanks Warren, Liam and all... Just a note about a use of Google-- for lyric ideas. (This doesn't mean my lyrics are that good, it's just about how I got some of the ideas )...A few years ago I had a falling out with a good friend, actually someone from a now defunct music forum. She needed "time and space" to think things through and I knew I couldn't contact her until she was ready. I had no idea if we would be friends again, I just had to wait helplessly until (if and when) she made contact.Now "friend" relationships aren't as 'song interesting' as love ones so artistic license came into play.I used Google to see what people have posted in dating forums, etc. about a situation like this. Almost always, the prevailing wisdom was that when someone says they need "time and space", it's over, they don't want to just admit it, and/or they met someone else. Phrases like "let me down easy" and "some other guy" came from that 'research'.I'm still not sure I'm satisfied with verse 2 from a concept or execution POV, but I just wanted to mention that Google can be a useful tool for lyric ideas.Thanks again! Casey

[Casey H]

Thanks Dean... I must have been posting while you were and didn't see your post at first. Actually I'm leaning towards keeping those lines... make it the singer's problem, LOL!!

[linziellen]

Casey - great lyric the second verse really works for me. Painful and honest, lovin' it! Glad to see this taking shape, sounds like it's almost there.Linzi

[Casey H]

I played with the phrasing on verse 2 and sang it with the backing track... I think that the heaven/hell and nightmares/dreams lines phrase OK. What do you think?Also, although the vocal isn't very good, this is what V2 sounds like when sung as opposed to just read.www.caseysongs.com/Purgatory_V2_Phrasing.mp3Repeat of the link at the top of this thread:www.caseysongs.com/LivingInPurgatory.mp3 Thanks for all the support, Casey

[cameron]

Hey Casey,You've got a decent song going here. Like Bill Gaunce, I thought the chorus sounded a little funny the first time I heard it, but like Liam, when I listened again it sounded fine.I did hear a funny chord (maybe just a stray note) under the word "child" in "child in front of you".Fine lyrics. I see what Zoom's talking about with the imagery thing, but hell, I think that's just a fad anyway. I guess if you want a forward though you better make it so the screener breaks out in a sweat as they're reading along.Cam

[regulator]

sounds like lots of sibilance and plosivesthat part of the production is distracting

[hummingbird]

Casey is clearly asking for feedback on the song itself, he's only posted a very rough sketch so that we can get the general idea... and give him our thoughts on the composition & lyrics... before he spends the money on a proper demo. Like I've already said, Casey, I think this has potential. I suggest perhaps a custom critique from Taxi as well as the feedback you're getting here, before you invest in getting the song produced effectively

[Casey H]

Oct 12, 2008, 12:47pm, regulator wrote:sounds like lots of sibilance and plosivesthat part of the production is distractingYour honest feedback is welcome, positive or negative. But please explain how you meant the words you used... I had to look up "plosives" and "sibilance" (I guess I ain't that smart ) "Sibilance" means a hissing sound and "plosive" has to do with a sudden release of a breath of air. Is that what you meant in the usage of these words? Casey

[regulator]

yes, sibilance is sssssssss, and plosives come from p, d, b etc wordsi'm hearing a lot of that, which can be fixed with eq etc - often times too much verb will do that and rolling back that verb eq can help ....mic placement is usually the best remedy though, which means do overreally neat piece thoughyou were asking for feedback!