***Looking for some feedback on my track***

[seldub]

Hello, Taxi Forums my name is Sel. I trying to put
out this song called Sign Here and will be giving half
proceeds to a nonprofit veterans organization. But
before I do so I would like to get some feedback on
the song. So please visit me on Indiecharts
http://indiecharts.com/geeknselshow
Thank You in advance if you do or don't like the song.

[RogerG]

Hi Sel,

Not really my genre (so take this with a big grain of salt) but here are my thoughts after a couple of listens:

First, the emotion is obvious, the story compelling and all too common nowadays.

From a constructive criticism point of view (always trying to help, never put down):

This is a little long for the short attention span of a lot of people nowadays. You might shorten the choruses (the "gunshots where they at?" part) a little and get to the verses more quickly. Your lines are powerful enough without repeating them quite as much, as they place the listener right into your world very well.

Additional thoughts:

I'd personally like to hear something production-wise (speaking of production it's pretty good already in my opinion) kick it up a notch at the end. You're realizing even after coming home, your service isn't helping in civilian life. Something like a female blues singer wailing in the background under your vocals, a la Pink Floyd's "The Great Gig in the Sky" on Dark Side of the Moon might give you more raw emotion to get the point across.

Just my two cents/opinions as always though. Others may disagree/have a completely different take. - Roger

[seldub]

thank you Roger really appreciate the feedback